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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have not given up my seat for this child

137 replies

addstudentdinners2 · 13/05/2015 14:28

I have suspected endometriosis (being investigated) and get excruciating cramps leading up to AF. Got on crowded tube this morning feeling absolutely lousy, stomach really hurting and also feeling faint/hot. Woman got on tube at same time as me with 2 DC, one older boy at a guess about 13 and girl at a guess about 8/9. There was one seat, I took it as desperately needed to sit down, only to see little girl standing in front of me glaring as I'd quite clearly beaten her to the seat (hadn't intended to, didn't know she was going for it as well), and then mother said very loudly 'you can just always tell the women who haven't got kids'.

which was v hurtful as have ongoing fertility issues.

others around me tutted at me and huffed and puffed and felt really bad. WIBU to have stolen this seat from a child? I really felt unwell.

OP posts:

LetsTalkAbout · 15/05/2015 16:31

"i was taught to stand up for older/adult people.

I would get my children to either share/stand up/sit on my seat/lap

Its not about being 2nd class, its about showing some respect."

This, entirely.

addstudentdinners2, YANBU and the mother's just a rude cow with a sense of entitlement which has extended to her rude kid. Please don't give either of them another thought.
I hope you're feeling better now.

Hippymama1 · 15/05/2015 16:34

YANBU. On the tube it's first arse to the seat is the winner! You snooze, you lose. She is perfectly capable of standing and the mother could have got them off of the tube and waited for the next one to get a seat if she was that concerned...

The only time you could have potentially BU is if there was an elderly or PG person and even then, you are unwell and needed to sit down so even then you could have explained and asked someone else to give up their seat instead. I think you were very retrained not to say anything - I would have told her where she could stick it.

wannaBe · 15/05/2015 16:53

public transport is IMO a first come first serve reality when it comes to getting a seat.

If this was during morning rush hour then I would say that anyone travelling on the tube does so knowing that there's a likelihood you won't get a seat - child or otherwise. If the woman had got on after the op then the op would already have been In the seat and she wouldn't have been able to tut at her. But it's like driving round a carpark, seeing a spot, driving up to it only to watch someone reverse into it from the other side.

The mother shouldn't have said what she did, but if the girl was just about to sit down in the seat and the op got there first then I can see the frustration. Although I don't think that children should get a seat over adults, and my ds (twelve) would always stand (voluntarily) if someone needed the seat.

But if it had been an adult rather than a child standing there would the op still have sat down anyway?

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2015 16:59

On the tube it's first arse to the seat is the winner! You snooze, you lose.

Thankfully, I've rarely met people like you. That's not my experience of the London Underground. People generally give their seats up. If they don't, it's often because they have their nose in a book and haven't noticed.

I once got up for a pregnant woman and a man nipped in my seat. It was very impressive. I hadn't even straightened up. It was almost like a limbo dancing move. I said: 'If only you'd be as quick in my grave.'

He was mortified. He hadn't noticed her. He apologised profusely saying he thought I was getting up early for the next stop.

MyNameIsPinkiePie · 15/05/2015 17:03

I have a hidden health problem too, although it becomes less hidden if I have to stand for long on public transport. It's horrible knowing you need the seat but others are judging, you either have to ignore it or make it more obvious - I have sometime read a book, even on my iPad, about chronic pain or back problems. I suspect on one occasion it may have helped - a older, but not elderly, couple got on the bus and the lady sat next to me while the man stood very close, almost right in front of her (the space between the rows of seats is larger in the priority seating) perhaps so I would notice him. I think he saw the book I was reading and moved away. I have good days and bad days so sometimes take a foldable walking stick on bad days which I'd hope would help communicate my need despite my perceived youth/fitness.

HeyDuggee · 15/05/2015 17:06

Limited, why do you think everyone has their head in a book/papers or headphones on and playing with their phones?

Shield against those pesky women with baby on board stickers who can't glare at you and ask you for your seat.

nellieellie · 15/05/2015 17:22

YANBU! An 8 yr old is capable of standing. I would always ensure my children stand for adults. And, whenI worked in London, I would say that, yes, whoever gets the seat 1st is the rule. Apart from obviously, standing for the elderly, disabled, or pregnant, or very young children. I hate the trend to treat children as more entitled tho be comfortable on public transport than adults. At that age, they generally don't have a a hey bones, bad backs, nor have had a hard, stressful day at work.

quietasamouse · 15/05/2015 17:46

I think adults take priority over children sitting, and that you were right not to respond. Responding, even negatively, gives some value to their opinion.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2015 18:11

Limited, why do you think everyone has their head in a book/papers or headphones on and playing with their phones?

Yes, HeyDuggee Of course I realise some people do that.

I'm not stupid.

It's just not something I'd boast about.

Because I'm not ignorant either.

OnlyLovers · 15/05/2015 18:16

I get the tube a lot in London and don't find it as cut-throat as some comments here suggest.

Often actually I find it's tourists barging to the seats, looking excited on their way and triumphant when they plump down. I sometimes wonder if the Rough Guide to London has a section on how Rushing for a Seat on the Tube is a fun local pastime that you should try to get involved in.

I am healthy, youngish yeah right and look it (no stick or anything), but I fairly often get people politely ceding to me and giving me the seat we are converging on together.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2015 18:49

I get the tube a lot in London and don't find it as cut-throat as some comments here suggest.

Neither do I onlylovers.

badg3r · 16/05/2015 00:17

Yanbu, she was quite rude. She could have done with remembering it's not always obvious why people may need to sit down. When I was pregnant, a child not much older than 9 stood up and offered me their seat on the tube, beating all the adults to it!

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