To think even the term OW has an expiry date

[OWisaFeminsta]

I've namechanged as I do not want to link my other MN life to this.

I have been with my husband for a number of years, we have DC and he has another from his first marriage. I met him while he was still married and remained friendly with one another, some time thereafter, he separated and we dated and later filed for a divorce.

She blamed me for their breakup and went and still goes to length to disparage me to anyone - school gate mums, neighbours, colleagues since my marriage. Today, this woman has done something horrible to me and I am shaking.

The ex still blames me and because we live near a village that they both grew up in, she intentionally, close to a decade later, instigates divisions between myself and all others, mostly women, in my village at the school gate and her friends.

But I am not to blame, they had problems, she knew about them. Something she selectively forgot is before I came along, they had the previous year broken up and got back on learning she is pregnant. Why has she forgotten about the counselling they went through to try and revive their relationship? Did she think that they went for counselling because they had a "strong" relationship?

Am I unreasonable:
to think its disingenuous to blame the breakup of her already fraught marriage on me?
to think she and my ex are primarily the reason her "son does not have a 2 parent home"?
to think no one single instance can lead to divorce?
to think I made no vow to her and point blank refuse to accept this crap she keeps throwing at me?
to plan on being silent but contemptious of her from now on?

Tbh, if I were the ex and that period of her life is brought up I would be bitter and hurt even if I had moved on. It must have been a terrible time for her. She's on maternity leave still grappling with baby and new demands on her life and dealing with a cheating husband. He leaves and now the major financial source in her life is gone at Christmas. How is she suppose to survive? Maybe her ML can't cover the rent or mortgage along with the household bills.

She makes it but then her career suffers because she can't afford child care and working FT even with matinenance.

10 years later she is in a better place but that period will always be hard for her.

so yes I think she's still bitter about that period. However I think the women are as bad as each other. The OP is not better than the ex.

Liberals tend to want to open the borders to everybody and that they are accepting of different lifestyles. Didn't understand the need for the quotes as that's the general public's view of liberalism. I just thought that the ex was looking down upon them being liberals as she is a UKIP supporter.

I suppose what this comes down to is whether there is an official statute of limitations on Other Womaning.

From what I've read on here, I seem to have got the impression that quite a few people here are second wives... a lot of whose relationships will have been created in some period of, ahem, overlap.

Not condoning it, but doesn't there come a point where "she's his Other Woman" just sounds a bit daft? Especially if that relationship ends up lasting longer than the first one?...

Can't help wonder, since the op changed names for this post, whether the op has changed her name again and come back.

Ooooooh, everyone looks at each other suspiciously

Liberals tend to want to open the borders to everybody and that they are accepting of different lifestyles.

Yes the different llifestyles bit is the bit i mean. Its not traditional to leave your wife for another woman when she has recently had a baby. I took it to mean that they didn't judge them and accepted the then OW, despite it not being the 'done' thing. They accepted it.

Ooooooh, everyone looks at each other suspiciously

This made me laugh and then start wondering

DadOnIce I actually used that exact term earlier on in my posts to OP i.e. "there is no statute of limitations on the term OW."

I had a feeling that OP didn't want to be classified as an OW, despite the fact that she is a text book example.

I don't agree with your last point however as it depends who you are speaking to. If I came across a married man and woman, I'd refer to him as her husband, and to her as his wife. If I had known them prior to their wedding and was privy to the fact that one of them started a relationship whilst still married to someone else then that individual would always be known as OM/OW in my book.

You don't get to cause so much havoc in life and carry on as if you're an angel. Equally that doesn't mean you should be always punished but you must accept the things you have done.

It was meant to be sarcastic because quite frankly the speculation on this thread is beginning to make me really uncomfortable.

It's becoming a bit of a witch hunt.

It was meant to be sarcastic because quite frankly the speculation on this thread is beginning to make me really uncomfortable. It's becoming a bit of a witch hunt.

Firstly..oh I thought you were joking. And secondly where is the witch hunt? I simply wondered. I didn't imply anyone was them, just wondered. Why would my musings make you uncomfortable?

I reckon the DH has actively encouraged this between the two women, which keeps their eyes on each other, and therefore his fuckwittery goes unnoticed

Why would my musings make you uncomfortable?

Because if the OP was still here maybe it would be different, but she left long ago, and you are all still coming up with theories about how she met her husband, how badly they have treated the ExW, etc. None of you know these people.

It is really very unpleasant. but that is only my opinion and I really should just stop reading as I said I was going to last night.

There's a big difference between saying, 'No, sorry. I do not date married men' and 'No, sorry. I do not date martied

Blah! Pressed while getting on bus. Between saying 'No, sorry. I don't date married men' and 'No, sorry. I don't date married men so you'll have to leave her if you want to fuck me'.

She actively encouraged him to leave when she was young and single and the OP was post-partum, probably a bit podgy and lactating. Preoccupied with the baby, maybe a bit depressed, smelling of sour milk and sick.

TBH I often think when I hear of situations like this that the OW is aware of these things and deliberately targets the weaknesses. And also that they get a thrill and an ego trip out of the fact they are 'better' and have managed to take someone else's man.

I also think in some ways the OP may be petpeuating this because she gets a thrill out of doing it over and over again and reminding herself she got the prize.

I reckon if EW suddenly moved to Australia tomorrow her life might be a little less exciting and DH might lose a little bit of value in her eyes when she didn't have the constant thrilling reminder that she'd taken something someone else wanted and she'd 'won'.

It is really very unpleasant. but that is only my opinion and I really should just stop reading as I said I was going to last night.

Actually you will find that I have said all along that I think its probably both of them. I have only argued the exw possibly pov when people have been adamant that she is a stalker.

I also said a couple of times the I think the dh is to blame, most.

I thought the exW was very restrained, considering OP stated ExW had informed HO before later admitting she had no evidence to back this up. So, just speculation masquerading as fact and quite maliciously aimed at exW whose main crime seems to be the ability to have friends in the village while OP does not.
From the evidence here the harassment seems to be from OP.

Who else would report her? I know loads of people working here in similar circs. Nothing has happened to them.

I think the main problem with regarding your exhusband's new wife/ partner as the "other woman" years after separating is the damage it would do to you in still regarding yourself as his "main" woman, or "real wife". "Other" implies you still want to be in his life and haven't moved on.
It does sound as though the man concerned is still too important in his exe's life.
I wouldn't want to date a man who talked about his exe's current partner as her "other man" years after the event. He should be regarding him as her "only man" and not involving himself in the set up apart from as a parent of any children they have together.
Relationships end and people get new partners. Life is short. If someone wants to be with someone else let them go.

I think the main problem with regarding your exhusband's new wife/ partner as the "other woman" years after separating is the damage it would do to you in still regarding yourself as his "main" woman, or "real wife"

^^ I complete agree with that.

Who else would report her?

Well the OP didn't give us a rundown all her recent interactions. She could have pissed someone off outside the circle of people or someone may have genuinely thought she didn't have the right to be here or breeched her conditions.

People report people for stupid reasons all the time. It could be the exw, it might not be. The OP stated she had been reported for having a marriage of convienience, but she doesn't actually know if that why she was reported. She assumed, so she could have assumed who it was too.

She later admitted that she doesnt even know if she was reported at all! She doesnt have a clue as to why the HO visited, just that they did and she assumed that it must have been the exW sticking her nose in.

2rebecca - your point about the issue of first wives regarding themselves as "the Real Wife" forever is quite insightful. IME it's quite common, too.

From ExW pov OP was OW at that particular time and will always be so.
Either that or "his current wife"

Oh dear lord, some of the projection on this thread is quite staggering.

I'm with 2rebecca.

Zombie!!!!!!!
What was the point of posting amarmai?