to ask your opinion on young parents?

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

Been filming for a documentary tv show today and a couple of weeks ago, and a conversation I had with one of the directors got me wondering what attitudes on here are to young parents.

I know in reality a lot of people are very judgmental and do believe stereotypes about young parents, but MN often seems much more liberal. That said, the recent threads about benefits suggested that there are people who believe the have a baby, get a council house thing.

Do you judge young parents? Do you think society still judges young parents?

My parents were like that too EatShitDerek. We also live in a different country which ensured I had minimal support!

I got preg with ds1 at 19 when at uni, 17 yrs and another four kids later dp and I are about to get married. We have a mortgage and a nice life. Ds1 is doing his gcses, he got all A's and a* S in his mocks and is predicted the same for actual gcses. Are at no ambition, ds1 knows where he wants to be and has his plan.

Dp and I both still graduated from uni, no babysitting/help from grandparents.

Yes we were judged, I Was told to have an abortion. Not long after I graduated I was in town with ds1 and bought the local paper, the gut selling it said to me that there was a good article in it about courses for young mums kids yourself to get you some gcses... And yes I have had lots of do they all have the same dad... Yes they do not that it's anyone else's business.

I don't judge parents and especially not on age, parenthood is a great leveller ime, I have friends of all ages who have had their kids at different stages in life to me but it makes no difference.

Yep when I had ds1 my mum had wanted me to have an abortion, as I didn't her attitude was very much you have made your bed, you can lie in it. Tbf they and a friend are having the madthings so dp and I can have a few nights away after the wedding. But it's the first time dp and I will have had a night with no kids since we had ds1.

Angelwings. I don't understand why my post annoyed you. . Why is it 'judgemental' to say I don't understand why someone would choose to have a child when they are a teen . I don't understand the rush - surely that's not something you can 'be offended' by.
I clearly said I don't 'judge' teen parents as I have no idea of their circumstances and no idea what type of parents they are.

There are lots of reasons I think it's best to wait until having kids until you are older for example, I understand post natal depression is much much higher in young mothers.

I think for many young parents, having children at a young age absolutely does impair their life chances. Clearly not all but certainly a large proportion.

My judgements are rooted in my own experience of being a young single parent. It was and continues to be incredibly hard, if I could live my life over again then I certainly would not have had children at a young age. There are so many opportunities I have missed out on, things I haven't been able to experience- directly because of the fact that I was a young parent and because being a parent is constraining in many ways.

Those others who became parents at a young age, would you be happy with your own children following suit?

One of my good friends is about 11 years younger than me, married at 18, DS1 at 19, DS2 at 21.

She makes it all look so easy! She's a great parent so far. I agree with pp that younger parents sometimes have less baggage around worrying about how they "should" be doing parenting.

I don't agree that anyone needs to travel and party and whatever. Some want to, some don't and some will do it later when their kids are all grown up.

What's the point in judging other people on their decisions/what life throws at them? Better just to get to know people and support each other.

And I should add that I had my own flat at 17, and worked 2 jobs to pay for it, including during my pregnancy. Once my son was 10 months old I had little to no help from family any more and no support from the father. My son is an amazing kid, with huge ambitions, even if he is a bit of a mummy's boy.

We had our first when I was 19, second at 23, third at 30 and fourth at 31.
Second and third were planned, first and third were not. If I could I'd go back and have them all closer together.

It was very hard though. We were really skint for a long time. I lost all my friends and became very depressed. I've been a SAHM for 12 out of 15 years. I'm glad I have been able to do that but also will be starting from scratch job wise now the youngest is starting school.

I've had loads of negative comments, about them having different Dads. It's often assumed I'm a single Mum. Not that that is negative in itself but it is a bit of stereotyping. I got stopped by a credit company in town when I had all 4 with me. The bloke asked how much I spent on food a month, I told him £600+ he accused me of being a benefit cheat.

What I do struggle with is that DD is 15 now and I find it hard to talk to her about how difficult things were without making it sound like I regret having her.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz1234 are u for real! Re-read your post. Do you seriously think that you stand less of a chance of PND as you get older? You said you didn't understand why someone would chose to have a child young. You didn't say when they were a teen. You don't understand the rush? I wouldn't judge someone for waiting until they are in late thirties/early forties as its about freedom of choice?! You are being judgemebtal as you say that 'it's better to wait until you are mature'

I had my daughter at 17 (a happy accident). At the time it seemed like the end of the world and nearly all of the family wanted me to get a termination. I'm glad I didn't of course, me and her father are still very happy together and have done fairly well for ourselves (OH has his own business, we both have our own cars, we have a nice 3 bed house in a pretty village).
It has taken 8 years of damned hard work to achieve this and I am currently 22 weeks pregnant with DC #2. The best comment I have had is when we announced second baby (7 years after first) "was it an accident then?" from my nosey arsehole neighbour. I replied with "no, once is an accident. Twice you are, unfortunately, just an imbecile. I have had plenty of time to think about it, thank you very much". (Would it be an accident if I punched you for saying that?)
Whilst I do not recommend having a child whilst you're in your teens, I don't think age is a factor in good parenting. If you're patient, loving and selfless when it comes to your children then it doesn't matter how old you are.

forget. I appreciate you feel you missed out. I don't. I wasn't ready for university at 18 and was not a party animal. At the age of 40 I'm loving the freedom of having a grown up child and don't feel I missed out and have two degrees under belt.

To answer your question, I would support and be happy with whatever age my daughter became a parent.

Forgot it would all depend on his living situation. If he chose to have a child at the same age that I was, in the same situation that I was ie. doing well financially, holding down a job, studying to further himself and he was in a happy relationship (granted mine ended when he was 2.5 but my finances and career never suffered) then yes, he'd have my support. I'd advise him that it won't be easy, bringing up and providing for a child is stressful and very tiring. However, since his little sister was born he has said that he is never having children even if that means never having sex in case it leads to an unplanned pregnancy!

Forgot I think I'd be better equipped to deal with it after having dealt with bad parental reaction myself. I'd probably secretly worry about her, and the stigma she'd face, but I'd be supportive and proud of her.

I've had people ask outright 'do you know the dad'

I'd have been tempted to reply, "Well, I've narrowed it down to four possibles"

Reading some of these comments on this thread has infuriated me...
Not every young person wants to travel & party. It seems that if your not doing that as a young person your doing it wrong.
I was 22 when I had my DD (18m) which isn't that young to some people, but where I live every other mother is in their 30s & 40's.

Ive got a great DP who I have been with for nearly 5 years, and we have a fantastic life together and in no way shape or form feel like I'm missing out. I'm a sahm, I love dedicating my time to my daughter & will start my career when she goes to school, so what if it's a little later than the norm.

Angelwings I did say it's better to wait until you are more mature because most people do mature as they get older. I did. It's not unusual.
I still don't get your outrage. I have stated that I don't judge young (teen!) mothers but I think it's best to wait until you are older.

Unfortunately the PND statistics are true. Young mothers are much more likely to suffer from PND than older mothers. I thought it was common knowledge.
NHS Reference There is lots more info online if you want to google it.

I was a teen mother, pill didnt work ,im intolerant to hormonal contraception, obviously I didn't know that at the time. i have gotten a mixture of reactions, i do wonder "what if?" but equally I could be still at home ,single,miserable ,unemployed etc especially in this clinate so its swings and roundabouts. Also! I wont be in the "dear god im nearly im 30 soon i need to settle down now! whilst im still able to have kids club" which many women and possibly friends feel pressure by society to do. which is a pro, god forbid me and dh split but if so if id squarely be focusing on my dc not desperately lurching from one
bad rel to another. the biggest issue i have faced is attitudes by professionals drs,teachers ,midwifes etc you do yet treated differently if you are obviously young.

Young parents can be wonderful. My grandmother had her first child (my dad) when she was only 17 and she was an amazing mother. It's even more remarkable when you consider that she grew up in a very abusive household. So I would say that being a good parent has very little to do with age.

Mind you, I do think there is such a thing as being too young to have a child. I know a woman whose 14-year-old daughter became pregnant a couple of years ago. Now she and her husband are raising their daughter's child. And I just learned that the daughter (now aged 16) is pregnant again. The girl has no intention of raising that child either, and she would probably not be emotionally capable of doing so even if she wanted to. If ever a situation cried out for effective birth control, this would be it. But they have some odd religious objections to birth control. It's a very sad situation.

If young people are in a position to support children and are mature and sensible then fine. If they're not then it's a problem.

When I was out with the four boys once and preg with dd, someone said to me how it was obvious the boys all have the same father... And how that was good as I wasn't like those 'other' young mums that sleep around... the lady who said it genuinely meant it as a compliment! The boys all do look similar, blonde hair, blue eyes... I should have just said, no they all have different dad's but I only sleep with aryan men...

Just like parents of any age there are good and bad.

My friend from school had her son at 14. She went to a special school where he could go too. She got her GCSE's. She is now married with two more children to someone else. Her son is in the army and is a credit to her. She is a manager.

My friends sister had her daughter at 16. She was given a housing association flat immediately. She looked after her daughter as best as she could. Her daughter is now at a top university doing brilliantly.

Some relatives of my husbands are 17 with a baby. They got their own council flat. They have decided neither of them will work. She is pregnant again. They have just spent the £500 surestart maternity grant on a new tv. Their needs come before the baby.

butterfly, I'm assuming they got the Surestart maternity grant for the first baby? Just that you don't get it if you already have children.

Yes the baby is 3 months old and she is 2 months pregnant.