to ask your opinion on young parents?

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

Been filming for a documentary tv show today and a couple of weeks ago, and a conversation I had with one of the directors got me wondering what attitudes on here are to young parents.

I know in reality a lot of people are very judgmental and do believe stereotypes about young parents, but MN often seems much more liberal. That said, the recent threads about benefits suggested that there are people who believe the have a baby, get a council house thing.

Do you judge young parents? Do you think society still judges young parents?

What age is ok to have children then we can judge what is a young mum ?i had my first at nearly 22 im almost 44 and have no young children its win win really

I had DS1 at 24, which to my friends and family was something akin to a teen-pregnancy-horror. I was a normal Mum; tried my best, fucked up royally, cried a fair few times, cut his nails too short and made his finger bleed occasionally, killed myself to breastfeed him, mouthed "what the fucking fuck" at his first exploding poo, got peed on him at least twice a day, the usual stuff. He's happy, he's healthy, he's great.

Young parents are no different than any other group. Just less-knackered; I had DS2 at 29 and now I'm 33 I'm permanently ball-bagged. I don't dream about anything more complex than a lovely, thick duvet on my freshly-made bed. Parenting in your thirties is bloody exhausting. Nobody tells you that.

My foster-daughter has just announced she is pregnant. She is 20, at Uni, has a rented house and been with her boyfriend for 12 months.

I didn't judge her or him - said congratulations and gave them both a big hug and told them whatever support they needed from me - they have got it.

However, I do feel a little bit sad that she is having a child so young. There is so much of life she could be experiencing - holidays, travel, her 21st birthday, going out with friends, starting her career, clubbing, driving lessons etc etc etc.

I am confident that she will graduate, but obviously it will be harder work having a young baby. I just wished she had waited until she had finished her degree and started her career before having a baby.

Anyway, she will have lots of support and I am sure she and her boyfriend will make great parents.

People do judge I think.

I feel a bit sad for 15yr olds with a baby because I think life could be hard for them. Not to finish school due to motherhood seems a pity. But I don't judge them negatively I hope. I wouldn't wish my children to have children whilst still at school.

However in many ways I'm a bit jealous of their energy and out look especially those that are a touch older (late teens/early 20s). They have more of a lifelong relationship with their children which is lovely and a shot at being a youngish gran which must be great.

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz1234. How judgemental! You say that you are unsure if you judge but then go on to say you don't understand why people would chose to have children young! I CHOSE to have a baby at 19. She's now at university and my husband and I r enjoying time together. I had more energy at 19 and was happy to chose my path as a mother. I continued education when she started school and completed a B.A, masters degree and am considering further education.

As I said in previous post, it's about freedom of choice! Maturity does not always guarantee good parenting

I think there is a lot of stigma against young mums, even intentional, partnered young mums. There are pros and cons to young parenthood as opposed to old parenthood (and I've done both). IME lots of young mums feel time is on their side, happy committing 5 years or so to being a full time mummy and catching up on career, travelling etc later, whereas lots of mums in their 30s seem to fear falling down the career ladder and not getting back on. You just don't know how parenting will take you- Some young unplanned mums take to parenting like a duck to water, while some mums carefully plan their pregnancy then find they hate every minute of motherhood and can't wait to get back to work. Young mums also usually often have active grandparents and other family around, whereas trying to split yourself between being a lone parent middle aged mum, juggling a serious job with being a good daughter to frail elderly parents is (believe me) knackering.

It's amusing the differences in assumptions about what is 'young' though. A colleague of mine was most insulted when I remarked that she had been a young mum- she had her first child at 19, which to her mind (and on her estate) wasn't young at all! And of course 40-50 years ago 19-25 was the norm. It's just that the current middle class norm has shifted.
I wonder how old some of the ladies on buses were when they had their babies, ESDerek? But of course they were married at 18 so that was ok!

I always feel a little sad for them, that they haven't lived a little, before having children.
I don't believe however that the majority have had them to qualify for 'free housing', although some probably do.
I had my first at 24, but looked years younger and was aware of some disapproving looks off some, usually older, people.
My own parents were married at 16 (my mother now admits to getting pregnant on purpose with my older sister, to 'force' her parents into agreeing to the marriage they were against).
They had two kids before they were out of their teens, and 4 by their mid-twenties. They weren't mature like my friends parents, and regularly (either Fri or Sat every week) invited their friends for a loud party which lasted until the early hours. Always made me determined to not be a teenage parent myself.
I had friends who had babies within 12 months of leaving school though who have made fantastic parents, but I wouldn't want it for my child.

My honest opinion? What I was 21 I probably thought that those like me (i.e. students, with job prospects) were the 'unlucky' ones who'd had bad luck and whose lives were now harder. Sort of 'there but for the grace of god'.

Now I'm older, and I have children at school, I see parents of all ages and I realise that there are pros and cons to both.

I also realise, with three kids, how we should respect single mothers. Not demonise them. (Realise that isn't your situation OP. But my two friends who had babies in their teens were both single parents for a while. So it's them who spring to mind).

young parents are parents ... who are young - like all parents some are brilliant, some okay and some shite

I work with young parents - they tend to be just like everyone else

OP you sound like you are doing a fab job. I used to hate the is the father around question. Congratulations on completing degree :)

I gave birth to my son just after my 21st birthday. I don't regret one second of it (especially as im now struggling to conceive a 2nd child at age of 24)
He wasn't planned but everything happens for a reason and i was given that chance to be a mother.
Me and my partner both work, we have never claimed any benefit (apart from child benefit) We are by no means rich, we struggle with finances now and again but generally we have a great standard of living and our son has never went without.
I have a medical condition which makes me very unwell at times but I still manage to have the energy for my son.
I know lots of young parents most of them are brilliant parents, of course there is the odd exception but the same can be said of older parents.
I dont think i put my life on hold by having him young, it just changed my priorities and what is important in life

I think it's a poor choice to become a parent young. There's no chance to have lived much as an adult, less likely to have a career so lack of ambition to install in a child, low or no income and the relationship is hardly likely to be solid and long lasting.

I had my first when I was quite young, I was legally old enough to have sex but still very young. An older mum from my DCs school took me under her wing, made sure I was included in play dates etc. She'll have a DD now who is 17, in Y12 and is called Sally, I can't remember the mums name which is strange, I wish I could, but if that's you and 10 years ago you used to live in a town starting with C, and your DCs went to a school starting with N, you really made a huge impact in my life and I strive now to be like you to the very young mums I meet.

No, I don't judge young parents because that would be ever so slightly hypocritical, but yes, I do think as a whole society is very judgemental of young parents.

There's no chance to have lived much as an adult, less likely to have a career so lack of ambition to install in a child

That is total bollocks. Yes, there has been less chance to travel the world etc. But the idea that young parents don't have ambition to instill in their children is just fucking daft.

How about those children who watch their parents study and strive to achieve for them? In some ways far more inspirational than it all being level and steady by the time you come along.

I had DS1 at 20, people are shocked when they find out that I had him so young, as if he can't be bright, happy, polite and nice because he's born to a younger mum. They are more shocked that my DH is 12 years older than me, they don't associate me with being 10-15yrs younger than them..

I think that's another part of what (irrationally) irritates me - the assumption that I've had my parents doing everything. I live two hours away from them and see them approx every six weeks, but when people hear about me graduating, they assume my parents have done everything for us so we had it super easy.

I've worked bloody hard for this, and look set to graduate at the top of my class with no time out of uni. I don't want people assuming I couldn't possibly do it without having it handed to me on a plate!

The whole travelling, life experience thing... I can see where people are coming from, but I don't want to travel, and never really have. Partying was fun during first year but boring now, and I'm not sure what experiences I'm supposed to want to do that I can't do after having a child.

My pregnancy was accidental, but I wouldn't judge anyone for planning a young pregnancy m

I was a young single mum (just turned 19) I definitely felt judged by hitting 2 stereotypes. I made myself clinically exhausted by trying to be super mum and be the absolute best. It took my nan to tell me to stay with her for a week and let her take over so I could rest and then stay 2 nights a week otherwise I would have ended in hospital. I am now 29 and pregnant with dc3, and I know that having my son so young was the making of me, especially as my boys both have SN, it's been a tough but rewarding road.

Like Derek I fell pregnant with my first at 18. I never experienced any bad comments or anything of the sort (or at least, I never heard any). It wasn't until DS's dad and I split up that people were very judgemental. He cheated, left our family home, yet somehow without knowing the details these people blamed me. Even his own family started saying negative things about our son (bearing in mind that these were actual blood relatives). Things like "he shouldn't have been born, maybe if he hadn't your relationship wouldn't have suffered". Then I had people telling me my life was over because I was a young single mum and couldn't go out getting pissed and all the rest of it like others did. They didn't even consider the fact that my son WAS/IS my life and staying in on a weekend isn't the end of the world. Or that I wasn't interested in getting drunk, whether I was a parent or not.

I think far too many people stick their noses in to other people's lives and comment or pass judgement. People young or old have children. Age shouldn't matter, as long as a child is taken care of and not neglected

My dd is very career focused My friends dd is career focused

Lack of ambition?

littlemonstersrule how dare you say that I made a poor choice by choosing to parent young! Less likely to have career! I have a very successful career and just about to embark on a PHD! Daughter now studying physics at university as we have ensured she has aspirations!

Husband always worked as have I, and we have been in relationship for 25 years! So much for not hardly being likely to be in a solid and long lasting relationship!

Someone needs to remove their judgy pants! How great it must be to be perfect like u. I'm so envious.

Just wanted to add to my previous post, I dont judge anyone who received help from parents, I would have loved for it, and as I said, have a supportive partner which I know some younger mums don't. That post wasnt me judging people who get parental help at all, it's the assumptions that make me angry.

Thank you penguins and Moomin am seething at the judgemebtal attitude

Oh and I might add for the sake of those who who are being slightly judgey. My son is now 14 and he has grown into a very well mannered young man, he'd go to the end of the earth to help those that need it and he is very intelligent. He has seen his mother struggle just so that he gets the best and he has also seen her achieve a lot. Yes it is boasting, but you know what I'm entitled to boast slightly because I raised him single handedly and taught him well.