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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Who is unreasonable? what does MN think of this?

256 replies

ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 17:55

this story just broke on social media, (hope you can all see it)

www.facebook.com/donna.m.beegle/posts/816056981803855

That is the mothers account of what happened, very mixed responses from the commenters, what does everyone think?

Here is a news report of it:
7online.com/news/parents-plan-legal-action-after-daughter-with-autism-kicked-off-flight/713012/

OP posts:
Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 18:01

Basically a family that included a girl with Austism were flying on a united airlines flight. The girl had not eaten and didn't eat cold food, the mum was concerned and tried to get the flight attendants to give her a hot meal. They refused repeatedly til the mum said that her daughter gets upset and starts scratching when she has a melt down. So the flight attendants haughtily got the girl a hot meal from first class.

Girl was fine eating the meal, plane then makes an emergency stop and paramedics, police etc, get on the plane and ask the family to leave it, saying the pilot has refused to carry the girl on his plane. Other passengers could not understand and stuck up for the family, but they were still forced off the plane.

Mum now plans to sue the airline for discrimination.

landing a whole plane because of this, and delaying a flight over nothing? Confused

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 11/05/2015 18:02

Some other passengers said it was the right thing to do. I'd need more information before deciding.

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 18:05

I know the passengers seem really divided over it, some assume its because the mother warned that her daughter would become violent if she didnt get the food.
Others say that the exchange between the mum and flight attendant over the food was very long and heated and they felt uncomfortable by it. Maybe the crew member felt threatened too.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 11/05/2015 18:06

She should have fed her child first like I do with mine because I know he's a pain to feed. She more or less, going on what you've said threatened violence.. no matter how she phrased it.

ShouldIworryornothelp · 11/05/2015 18:07

Should have fed the child and ordered a hot meal for the flight in advance just in case.

Mums at fault.

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 18:07

Im reading further and apparently the paramedics had received a call saying someone on the plane had been scratched by the girl, although the mum affirms it never got to that.

OP posts:
nightshade · 11/05/2015 18:08

Whether to fly or not continues to be at the discretion of the pilot....and should continue to be so....It is not a bus...It cannot pull over quickly.....It is an aircraft that can quickly run into serious difficulties if any passengers are not settled or an incident occurs....They will always err on the side of caution.......Other than this, I have no opinion....

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 18:09

My best friends little boy has autism, its awful to watch him have a melt down he gets so upset and is impossible to calm down or control him.
Knowing this we always do absolutely everything possible to ensure he is ok in situations like this.
With an airport full of places to eat- could she not have found a hot meal for her daughter from somewhere before boarding the plane, she was already aware her daughter had not eaten.

OP posts:
Shente · 11/05/2015 18:12

It's really hard to know the full facts but the mum definitely should have made sure dd had either eaten before the flight or brought appropriate food. She seems to have implied dd might become violent and a pilot can't take that risk.

soapboxqueen · 11/05/2015 18:13

I would say that if the other passengers are divided, then the girls actions or that of her mother, were not severe enough to divert the aeroplane.

The mother, if she hadn't already, should have alerted the airline to her daughter's needs and should have ordered a hot meal before the flight. However, the staff should not have been haggling with her about it. Nobody makes up autism to get a crappy airline meal.

I suspect that the mother tried to explain that her daughter could have a meltdown about the meal. The crew in their ignorance of autism decided that this meant she'd go ballistic in an incredible hulk reenactment so they diverted.

People need to actually do something before being chucked off not just have the potential to in somebody else's head.

Shannaratiger · 11/05/2015 18:13

I think the mother should have discussed it with the airline before the flight. My Dd has ASD and Ds has ODD. Both r very fussy and Ds would get very upset and worried about the food. I would always 1 find out what's being served and 2 if I could bring on something that they liked.
Sad but I can understand the pilots decision, he has to consider all the passengers comfort and safety.

5madthings · 11/05/2015 18:14

She was sat by the windows and with her dad next to her. By all accounts she didn't hurt anyone.

Yes she could have got her food beforehand and she did but her daughter wouldn't eat it. I have a child with asc, believe me I can't make him eat if he doesn't want to!

Sounds like she had lots of witness statements to support her.

Over reaction by the air line from the sounds of it.

Altinkum · 11/05/2015 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 11/05/2015 18:17

The mother had snacks with her but her daughter wouldn't eat them.

It is difficult as safety has to be a priority but it sounds heavy handed, the passenger's weren't in danger? If anyone was going to get scratched it would have been her dad who was sat next to her.

Pico2 · 11/05/2015 18:18

I don't know where they were flying from, but I have been amazed at the lack of restaurants in some European and US airports. Large British airports have lots of options that might well not have been available to the family at the airport they departed from.

Theknacktoflying · 11/05/2015 18:19

Fault of both really - responsibility of the safety of all passengers is ultimately at the call of the pilot.
Perhaps the mother could have been more upfront and ensured that she had informed the crew or booked the meal or taken her own to prevent the near breakdown.
The airlines run to strict turnaround policies and unscheduled stops costs airlines

DisappointedOne · 11/05/2015 18:19

The language used is interesting, and the mother's perspective is going to be focused on her baby being distressed rather than anything else. Things that jump out for me:

*Mother says it was a long flight and knew that her daughter would refuse cold food but didn't make arrangements ahead for hot food. Airlines do not want the food that is meant for high paying customers getting passed back to economy class.
*Mother said that the child would start scratching if she got more distressed. We don't know whether it was made clear who she might start scratching, but potentially could be seen as a risk to the crew and other passengers.
*(speculating) Captain may have radioed the company and discovered that this family had had issues on previous flights.
*Mother appears to place no responsibility on herself, husband or daughter for ensuring there are coping strategies in place for dealing with issues such as these.
*Mother sees potential $$$s

DisappointedOne · 11/05/2015 18:20

also the facebook writing style is just odd, what does "who faces autism mean"? i find it odd personally.

Yes, i thought that.

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 18:21

The 'faces autism' thing- at first I thought it was a typo, but she used it again..
Never heard that Hmm

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 11/05/2015 18:21

Houston, they were flying from Houston. I'm not going to look up the airport facilities; I'll assume they had restaurants.

Anyway, I think it's pretty harsh to not just hand over a spare meal. Would they have done so for a diabetic (or someone with a physical disorder)? I suspect so.

Eltonjohnsflorist · 11/05/2015 18:21

Faces autism is really odd altinkum.

It must cost a fortune for an unscheduled stop. I really struggle to believe they did it for nothing

Original poster
ollieplimsoles · 11/05/2015 18:23

DisappointedOne I assumed when she said scratching- that meant her dd scratches herself, as my friends son does that during a meltdown. He scratches his face and head badly.

OP posts:
CupidStuntSurvivor · 11/05/2015 18:23

Hmm. I'm a bit torn on this one. The mum did effectively tell the crew that unless they made exceptions to the usual rules, her DD was going to get violent. After a fairly long argument by all accounts, this could well have made the crew feel threatened.

I wonder if there was more the mum could have done in advance to make sure her DD was catered for? Maybe talk to the airline to arrange a hot meal?

AuntyMag10 · 11/05/2015 18:23

Sounds like the mother isn't providing the full facts. Why couldn't she simply have gotten a hot meal before knowing her child would have issues. The airline would not have stopped the plane and all the hassle without very good reason.

PtolemysNeedle · 11/05/2015 18:27

It's impossible to judge without seeing the situation as it happened, it could go either way and we don't know what this family's behaviour was like on the plane.

Ultimately, a pilot has a huge responsibility, and they don't take the decision to divert a plane lightly. If that captain felt it was safer for his crew and his plane load of passengers to divert the plane, then I'm not about to argue with him (or her).