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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you have an assistance dog....

229 replies

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 09/05/2015 22:18

That people who visit your home need to understand they cannot demand you put them in another room or outside?

I have an assistance dog (she's a hearing dog) and my constant companion. DD's boyfriends mother came to collect some hay from us tonight. She KNEW about the dog yet felt the need to comment "Oh, does it have to be in the livingroom?" "Can't you put it out?" This is the first time I've met the woman. She kept talking to DD and DH as if I wasnt there asking THEM if they could put Ruby out. DD was mortified and DH said "no I won't put Ruby out she stays with Meggy constantly, anyway ask Meggy not us." She made her excuses and then left. I feel like some sort of non existent being Angry as she barely acknowledged me. I can honestly say I've never been in a situation like this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 24/05/2015 20:10

Are you actually saying that you'd insist your dog stayed off the lead if someone politely asked you if you would mind putting her on as they are phobic?

In my home yes. Ruby works hard enough without having her "down time" interrupted while at home.

OP posts:
RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 24/05/2015 20:10

Wow, tbh I actually don't see much difference between the potential treatment here of a person with a limiting phobia and the behaviour of the bf mum of the op. Yes she was rude and behaved badly. Sadly it appears, from the posts here, some people would behave just as badly given a slightly different set of circumstances.

Quite frankly I'm disgusted. The poster who spoke about wanting to cry when told she should be gratefull to live somewhere so forward thinking was crack on apparently.

Justusemyname · 24/05/2015 20:13

Ruby is beautiful.

Original poster
MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 24/05/2015 20:14

red. Do you have first hand experience of assistance dogs?

OP posts:
vvega · 24/05/2015 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillFrankie · 24/05/2015 20:20

redrug a phobia isn't a disability. Its not covered by the equalities act. So there is no 'inclusion' issue. nokids has, at best, shown herself as completely ignorant.

Whoever feels an assistance dog (or any dog really) should be kept on a lead in a person's OWN HOME, are you for real?

StillFrankie · 24/05/2015 20:25

vvega - what happens if their dog is in another room and the fire alarm went off? I'm sure you'll be thinking "oh the hearing person will tell the deaf person" but the poor dog will panic, not being able to get to their owner.

So so much ignorance

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 24/05/2015 20:27

That's ok then, if it's not in an act somewhere it's not real - and inclusion is only about things in an act. Because our treatment of other people is defined by an act not simply by what is right and what is wrong Don't worry, I can see that this is a case of one rule for one one rule for another and that no one is going to recognise the prejudice here so I'll stop now. I'm shocked and saddened though to find that people have to have their good behaviour prescribed to them rather than simply behaving well. Makes the whole outrage thing seem pretty hollow.

nokidshere · 24/05/2015 20:28

I am not ignorant. I have not said that I felt an assistance dog should be kept on a lead in its own home. I have not said that any dog, assistance or otherwise should be removed from the room because of my fear. All of these things are being said by other people!

I simply said that I would phone ahead and ask if it was at all possible for the visit to go ahead given my fear and if the answer was no then I would respect that and make other arrangements. And that I don't feel it is rude of me to ask that question given that everyone's circumstances are different.

vvega · 24/05/2015 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 24/05/2015 20:30

RedRug my comments on an earlier page were saying similiar - asking someone to help them make it possible to do something / be somewhere is fine. That's rather different from asking someone's assistance dog to be put out, as that's asking someone to be separated from their senses/ dexterity or health management ... In a way that could compromise that persons ability to function in some way, or worse.

It's about the way it's asked. And care is needed to ensure that it doesn't come across as a demand or an assumption of priority.

This is very important given the context of most disabled people having experienced shocking disablism off people before.

Gabilan · 24/05/2015 20:33

"a phobia isn't a disability. Its not covered by the equalities act"

If we're going by that definition, disabilities didn't exist before 2006, which is patently nonsense. Laws and definitions can be changed and besides, does it not help to at least consider the other side? There are 8.5million dogs in the UK. Next time you go for a walk somewhere and see a dog, imagine that the sight of it terrified you beyond reason. I'd say that at best, a real phobia of dogs (as opposed to just not liking them much) would be pretty limiting.

From what nokids has said, she has worked on this phobia. And yes, unlike Deafness, it is something that can be worked on. But that doesn't make it something that's easy to deal with either.

Phobias are not logical things. It's quite saddening I think to know that someone has a condition that prevents them from getting to know these wonderful animals.

StillFrankie · 24/05/2015 20:42

It's laughable! phoning ahead and asking any dog owner if they can put a dog in another room in their own house, IS bloody rude. If you don't like dogs, don't go. full stop.

redrug There is absolutely no excuse for asking an assistance dog owner to put their dog elsewhere. A phobia is not a disability. Nor are allergies. This is something I personally had to get a lawyer to confirm (work problems).

Original poster
MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 24/05/2015 20:44

Makes the whole outrage thing seem pretty hollow.

If that shallow comment was aimed at my OP Red let's be clear that I posted due to someone's treatment of me and my assistance dog in my own home. I never once said I was "outraged" at all.

Perhaps you haven't read the posts I made of how much my life has been transformed by hearing dogs?

While I appreciate nokids has a phobia I really don't think she posted fully understanding how crucial animals can be to others and their day to day lives.

vvega I've never come across anyone that would expect my dog to be put out of the room, hence why I posted. No assistance dog I have ever come across has needed restrained as they don't jump etc. When anyone comes into our home Ruby will stay where she is, normally at my feet (harnessed or not). All of my fiends know me and my dog, we're a team.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 24/05/2015 20:48

Oh FFS. There is an enormous difference between having a phobia and not liking something.

This is why I get pissy with people who use terms like mental/ psycho/ schizo/ a bit OCD when they really don't mean it. It actively harms people who have a genuine problem because that problem is then not recognised as such.

"This is something I personally had to get a lawyer to confirm (work problems)"

And in 1960 a lawyer would have told you a man having sex with a man was illegal and that lesbianism wasn't outlawed because politicians decided it didn't really exist. The law reflects current thinking within society and that thinking changes continually.

vvega · 24/05/2015 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 24/05/2015 20:49

No meggy, as you say you didn't present "outraged" in your op. It was the outraged responses I was referring to who then went on to say it was unreasonable for another person to ask a question.

To me it's simple, you are either inclusive or you are not and saying you'll include or exclude someone based on an act is patently ridiculous.

DancingDinosaur · 24/05/2015 20:50

Dh has an assistance dog. We often put her in another room as a lot of our visitors seem to be terrified of dogs. It was rude of her not to speak to you directly though op.

nokidshere · 24/05/2015 20:50

I'm glad you think it's laughable stillfrankie - because I certainly don't. I'm glad my friends and family aren't so dismissive of my phobia or I would be a very lonely person indeed.

I never assume it's ok or that because they accommodated me last time they will be able to next time. I always check with my friends and family if it's convenient for me to be in their homes with my phobia about their much loved pets.

The same people are welcome to bring their dogs to my home as long as they are on a lead because even though it terrifies me I want to see them - although obviously they have the option not to bring the dog as they aren't assistance dogs.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 24/05/2015 20:53

Sorry meggy, to respond to your question above. I am deliberately not referencing my connection to or experience with assistance dogs. MN has a nasty habit of turning for or against a poster based on claims which could be true or not. Therefore I'd rather my posts were taken at face value.

chippednailvarnish · 24/05/2015 20:53

I'd be interested in knowing if people would feel comfortable asking for the dog to be removed if the OP was blind? Or if the dog was trained to forewarn the OP of an impending epileptic fit?

Nokids to repeat what I asked before, would you stop seeing a close member of your family if they needed an assistance dog and couldn't accommodate your demands?

As Still said there is so much ignorance. Asking for a working dog to be kept on a lead in its home environment and "off duty" is completely unreasonable.

Original poster
MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 24/05/2015 21:01

I'd be interested in knowing if people would feel comfortable asking for the dog to be removed if the OP was blind?

I wondered this as well.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 24/05/2015 21:01

Chipped I would currently be unable to go into anyone's home, including family, if it meant I would be in a room with an unleashed dog.

If dh or my children needed one I have absolutely no idea what I would do - the thought of an unleashed dog living in my home, or worse me being left alone with an unleashed dog in my own house fills me with terror.

vvega · 24/05/2015 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nokidshere · 24/05/2015 21:05

And chipped I have never demanded anything of anyone!