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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you have an assistance dog....

229 replies

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 09/05/2015 22:18

That people who visit your home need to understand they cannot demand you put them in another room or outside?

I have an assistance dog (she's a hearing dog) and my constant companion. DD's boyfriends mother came to collect some hay from us tonight. She KNEW about the dog yet felt the need to comment "Oh, does it have to be in the livingroom?" "Can't you put it out?" This is the first time I've met the woman. She kept talking to DD and DH as if I wasnt there asking THEM if they could put Ruby out. DD was mortified and DH said "no I won't put Ruby out she stays with Meggy constantly, anyway ask Meggy not us." She made her excuses and then left. I feel like some sort of non existent being Angry as she barely acknowledged me. I can honestly say I've never been in a situation like this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 09/05/2015 22:49

Joan. We were discussing it earlier and DD is going to explain to her BF in the hope he manages to explain to his mum. I know people don't understand sometimes, I really do, but she was so rude. Most people I meet are happy to treat me as a human being. It's the first time in 23 years I've come across someone like her. I'm still shocked she asked me to put the animal that gives me confidence and independence out of a room.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 09/05/2015 22:53

When we got our dog i tried busy busy he just looked at me like i was daft.

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2015 22:54

People understand fine she chose not to.

hobNong · 09/05/2015 22:56

Yanbu. She was being a dick.

Topseyt · 09/05/2015 23:01

If you have the misfortune to come across her again and you find she is insulting you without realising that you lip read then you could pull her up on it by giving a sharp response when she thinks she has got away with being derogatory about you in your presence.

Are people really so rude as to think they can walk into other people's houses and try to dictate where the dog should be kept?

SoldierBear · 09/05/2015 23:10

She was incredibly rude about Ruby but her treatment of you was abysmal.
To come into your home and treat you as if you don't exist!
Surely if she wasn't sure what to do she could have asked her son what works best for you?

If I was meeting someone for the first time and was told they were deaf I'd make sure I was looking at them when I spoke. Is there anything else that would be helpful to do?

ratspeaker · 09/05/2015 23:26

Please tell me the next time she visits you will offer to make tea for this woman, then ask your DDor her boyfriend " does she take sugar"

MaitlandGirl · 09/05/2015 23:28

I honestly didn't realise there were still some people who treat disabled people like this - it's back to the days of asking "do they take sugar in their tea?" when confronted by someone in a wheelchair with a carer.

My BIL has an assistance dog (returned vet with severe PTSD) and so his dog goes everywhere with him. He's had mostly good reactions to his dog, which is great as without him he wouldn't still be with us.

Education for this woman, is def the way to go.

AntiHop · 09/05/2015 23:57

Yanbu. Flowers there is no excuse for such ignorance and rudeness.

giraffesCantPluckTheirEyebrows · 10/05/2015 00:11

ffs

Fatmomma99 · 10/05/2015 01:23

Agree with SoldierBear and LOVE ratspeaker. This is about discrimination and it is outrageous.

Horrified that by 2015 we haven't moved on!

Good luck, OP, and your family sound lovely!

MidniteScribbler · 10/05/2015 01:31

If dogs are expected to go outside, then that bitch should lead by example.

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2015 01:49

If dogs are expected to go outside, then that bitch should lead by example.

Grin
lougle · 10/05/2015 04:06

I've heard it all now. Can we have a picture of your dog?

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 10/05/2015 04:12

Appalling rude behaviour. Whether it's an assistance dog or not, you don't make demands of people like that in their own home. If you dislike dogs don't go in in the first place.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/05/2015 04:32

What an utterly horrific toad of a woman she is. Ignorant, rude, disablist - you name it. I'm surprised she didn't ask your DH if you take sugar in your tea.

I'm outraged that she was so disrespectful to you first, and to your needs second, in your own bloody home and I wouldn't be doing her any favours, or having her near the joint, ever again.

Sad for your DD's BF - does he realise what a cunt his mother is?

These comments made me snort with laughter though:

ooerrmissus
Yeah next time get her to stay outside. Tell her Ruby is allergic to fuckwits.

Passmethecrisps
We have a chum who uses the command "busy busy" upon which the guide dog takes a dump.

Since your dog "goes" on a hand signal, you know what to do if you see her again, don't you?! Grin

Mandatorymongoose · 10/05/2015 04:51

Soldier as far as I remember from when I was doing my BSL qualifications - make sure you're facing the person you're speaking to, talk at a normal speed, don't try and exaggerate lip patterns, people think slowing right down or really exaggerating their mouth movements make it clearer but apparently it generally doesn't.

Consider your body language and facial expressions and if they match the tone of what you're saying - we convey a lot of information non verbally.

Depending on where you are think about the light in the room, if you're sat in front of a bright window so you're a silhouette or if it's a very dim room and sitting closer would help.

Don't get frustrated! If you need to get something across and verbally isn't working you could write it down instead.

Or learn some sign language - it's really interesting Smile

PeppermintCrayon · 10/05/2015 10:49

Ask her if she would like to cut off her ears and put them outside.

YANBU.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/05/2015 10:58

Some people are just ignorant through, well, ignorance, but some are just fuckwits. She sounds like a fuckwit. Hopefully your DD's BF will explain to her what a fuckwit she was to you.

I had a "does she take sugar" moment once, where a waiter, seeing me in my wheelchair when taking our orders, actually asked DH "and what does she want?" Dh gave him a look that could have turned him to stone and said "I don't know, why don't you ask her?". At the time I was gobsmacked as it was such a cliched thing...I didn't think people acted like that in RL!

she was an arse but try not to let it upset you (easier said than done I know) as the problem is hers, not yours.

I do think deaf awareness, and disability awareness, should be taught in mainstream schools. I also think BSL should be a language option too.

StillFrankie · 22/05/2015 22:40

Hi, sorry for the late reply. I have a hearing dog too. Speak to the boyfriend about it and get him to speak to his mother.

My DD's friends are a bit scared of dogs but they are just kids, they always go straight to DDs room and shut the door.

Assistance dog or not, its YOUR home, don't be afraid to say something.

nokidshere · 22/05/2015 23:11

I am animal - especially dog - phobic! If I have to go anywhere new I always ring ahead and see if they have pets, are they likely to be wandering around and would it be possible to put them away or keep them on a lead whilst I am there. If none of that can happen then I just don't go.

I would still ask someone with an assistance dog but I would ask directly and be polite about it!

Samcro · 22/05/2015 23:15

Yanbu

Gabilan · 22/05/2015 23:32

Next time she comes round, don't let her in. When she complains say you didn't know she was there because you'd shut the dog out the back.

A friend of mine was in a wheelchair for a couple of months due to injury and she found people would ask random strangers standing behind her questions about her as if she couldn't understand them. There are some ignorant sods out there.

sashh · 23/05/2015 08:52

Joan. We were discussing it earlier and DD is going to explain to her BF in the hope he manages to explain to his mum.

Maybe she is a bit dim or embarrassed (as well as down right rude) my mum once asked my friend (me interpreting to BSL) if her watch was braille.

NoIsNotACompleteSentence · 23/05/2015 12:56

Nokidshere, I'm a bit surprised that you would ask someone with an assistance dog to put them away.

I understand if you are phobic and don't want to be around them, but I think it's unreasonable to ask if an assistance dog can be removed.