To think if you have an assistance dog....

[MeggyMooAndTinkerToo]

That people who visit your home need to understand they cannot demand you put them in another room or outside?

I have an assistance dog (she's a hearing dog) and my constant companion. DD's boyfriends mother came to collect some hay from us tonight. She KNEW about the dog yet felt the need to comment "Oh, does it have to be in the livingroom?" "Can't you put it out?" This is the first time I've met the woman. She kept talking to DD and DH as if I wasnt there asking THEM if they could put Ruby out. DD was mortified and DH said "no I won't put Ruby out she stays with Meggy constantly, anyway ask Meggy not us." She made her excuses and then left. I feel like some sort of non existent being as she barely acknowledged me. I can honestly say I've never been in a situation like this before.

She's specifically asked if "that dog" will need to come to the meal. The Rubster shall be there and I'm really hoping I'm sat near the BF DM. My friends and family are so used to Ruby being with me they never bat an eyelid so I'm finding the big deal being made about her very strange. I feel so sorry for DD tbh as shes taken a huge step back from her BF family. The BF is so embarrassed bless him. It makes me cringe watching how uncomfortable he is about his mum and her reaction to me. I'm almost tempted to ask for a seat to be reserved at the table for Ruby . I need some seriously good one liners to get my point across with this woman.

But it appears from the mother's latest comment that it is in fact not about the dog so much - she has stated she has a problem with the OP's hearing impairment. Some people are peculiar.

By the sound of it nokidshere does have such a severe phobia that it's pretty much like a disability in itself (agree therapy is a good idea if not already tried). I would have thought calling ahead to explain she has a huge problem with dogs and asking whether it will be possible to avoid being in the same room as an unleashed dog is in this case sensible rather than rude? It's not like just not liking dogs, in which case "suck it up" is fair comment; it's more like a violent allergy, only with mental instead of physical effects. I'm sure she hasn't chosen to let it make her feel so bad.

Lovely picture of a lovely dog :)

DD's BF's mum has a really pathetic excuse for not liking dogs. All Ruby has to do is not lick her face (I'm sure she wouldn't dream of sullying her tongue) and all is well. That, and giving OP a chance to get a word in instead of assuming she can't

Such a shame this woman just doesn't get it.
Please make sure ruby is sat between you and this stupid woman

Sit down next to her and shout; "busy busy, Ruby, busy busy"

chipped . DH said earlier he has a vision of her talking to me very slowly with a loud voice in an animated way..... I'm already practising my face. I really do need to stand up to this woman, afterall, she may end up being DD's MIL.

All you have to do is say "you're so lucky this is all you have to worry about".

Personally I wouldn't encourage my own daughters relationship to continue if her future boyfriend and/or his family had an issue.

Cute dog. My own HD is a cockerpoo

If she talks slowly to you. Just do it back.

Or ... Prepare some cards to hold up. Yes. No. Please. Thank you. Fuck off...

I frequently have to tell people that talking extremely slowly and loudly does not suddenly erase their deafness!

One thing I do find a bit is that as my DC's speech isn't as clear as NT DC, that people assume...well, if if say I've been asked "is she slow/is he mentally retarded/is he handicapped?" ...that explains it doesn't it.

Never ever mind anyone asking (non rude) questions, or asking the best way to communicate, in fact I welcome this. I would much prefer people do this than avoid interacting.

Or ... Prepare some cards to hold up. Yes. No. Please. Thank you. Fuck off...

Love this idea, especially the fuck off one ha ha

In all seriousness you are right, you will need to stand up to her sooner rather than later. I suggest that you and your DH sit down and plan a way to tackle her behaviour, after all you don't want this to be rumbling on in 20 years time.

I'm stunned that a thread about lack of inclusion and bad behaviour has ended up being so badly behaved and non inclusive to someone. Politely explaining about a phobia and asking if a dog can be kept on a lead so that the person who is phobic can be included is not rude or unreasonable especially when done in advance so solutions can be explored and the person is willing to pass if required . Having an assistance dog can be a crucial thing and should not be restricted however you do still have to realise you have a dog and some people struggle with that. Like everything else in life reasonable adjustment is reasonable.

The visitor in the op was not reasonable and was very rude. Nokids has shown no sign of being the same.

Not. My mother's 'look of death' used to immediately silence people. She was a Speech Therapist and I'm very fortunate that my speech isn't bad at all. I was always referred to as "slow" when I was around 6 simply because I couldn't verbalise as well as the other children in my class. When I think back, deafness was linked to having some terrible disability back then and I was doomed in the eyes of some teachers. Your wee one will become clearer in time. For me practice made perfect. It seemed relentless at the time but I'm grateful now.

I don't mind anyone asking me how to communicate with me at all, it was the blatant dismissal that I couldn't that annoyed me.

Thank you Annie & redrug

redrug all assistance dogs are on leads when out in public. Can I just mention phobias are treatable. Unfortunately, I can do nothing about my deafness. If only it was that simple!

Treatment of phobias isn't that simple either Meggy. Some people may be able to overcome them but not overnight and I'd be interested to know people's experiences of therapy on the NHS. And then there are those who are severely allergic to the animal's fur.

I imagine however that such people are few and far between and shouldn't come to your house if they know you have an assistance dog.

Unfortunately, I can do nothing about my deafness.

Quite. Your deafness is a permanent part of who you are, no amount of treatment or therapy can change that. The idea that you have to make "life adjustment" to be "reasonable" towards someone with a treatable condition or they wouldn't meet you is completely unreasonable on their part. Mind you, your thread was never about someone with a phobia, it's been derailed.

Well said meggy

addressing my phobia means that I can go into a room with a dog in it as long as it is on a lead. Or go to a house with an unleashed dog as long as it's not in the same room as me. Both things are Something that I never thought I would be able to do. I am never asking anyone to change what they do - just asking if it's possible for me to visit with my fears. If it's not then I just make other arrangements .

God yes Glitter my worst couple of experiences have been with consultants.

One couldn't understand how I could possibly have parental responsibility and be disabled. had to ask me twice with increasing disbelief. Then said I wasn't allowed to take my child for an operation unless I had two carers attend and preferably, someone else with parental responsibility.

It was two years ago and I've just burst into tears writing that. Some wounds never heal.

I wasn't even in a wheelchair, using a stick that day, and had a carer sitting in the corner carrying bags etc. Last time I ever brought a carer into a hospital, even though it causes great problems to myself.

So when people tell me I should be grateful that I live in one of the most forwards thinking countries in the world, I have to resist the urge not to cry.

Meggy, the fact that some things that affect people's lives can be addressed whilst others can't is nothing to do with anything. Are you actually saying that you'd insist your dog stayed off the lead if someone politely asked you if you would mind putting her on as they are phobic? What if they asked in advance and made it clear that they would stay away if it wasn't an option for you as they recognised it was their problem to deal with not yours? Are you actually saying you would not be willing to make reasonable adjustment for another person?

Sorry last line should say "willing to be asked to make..."

Meggy - it sounds like a struggle for NoKids to be in the same room as your dog but it can be done if she is kept on a lead. Is she always on a lead in restaurants etc?

Mind you, your thread was never about someone with a phobia, it's been derailed

Exactly! I never posted about the BF's mother having a phobia. She was, and continues to be downright rude.

If people have a phobia of dogs then they are welcome to stay away to be honest. Ruby and Loki (before her) gave me confidence. Loki especially made it possible for me to feel confident being on my own when my children were babies. She came and 'told' me when they cried, I didn't need to rely on anyone and could be a 'normal' mum. I had lights that flashed when the phone rang or the doorbell but babies don't come with flashing lights I'm afraid.

Is she always on a lead in restaurants etc?

Yes she is. Have you ever seen an assistance dog in public? They're trained to lie down (normally at my feet in restaurants). When her harness and tabard go on she knows she's going out, she knows she's working. As long as that harness is on Ruby is "on duty". When it's off she's chilling out and relaxing. That's when she goes for a play and a run.