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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that charging a child rent whilst they're still at home and in the last year of A-levels is wrong?

156 replies

Pony74 · 08/05/2015 21:02

Happy to be corrected but I personally feel this is a bit off. Thanks.

OP posts:
Marynary · 10/05/2015 10:34

I agree that if a child (or young adult) really wants to work and doesn't want to go to university then they shouldn't go to university. Parents shouldn't be the ones to take away their child's opportunities though and children who don't pay rent while at school are not being babied (as stated by disappointed earlier in the thread).

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 14:29

The "babying" bit comes where parents refuse to let their adult/very-nearly-adult offspring to do what they want to do. At 16 you can sign up to fight for your country, but not get a part time job and pay your keep (if that's how the family works).

Allwayslookingforanswers · 10/05/2015 14:39

When I was on an apprenticeship programme I earned £29.5 per week and had to pay my Dad £5 per week rent. I think it was fair tbh

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/05/2015 15:34

"The "babying" bit comes where parents refuse to let their adult/very-nearly-adult offspring to do what they want to do"

I expect my sister wishes my parents had "babied" her a bit more and made her stay on at college and finish her qualifications, instead of jacking it all in and starting work full time at her saturday job. Nearly 30 years later and she's still doing the same low-paid job in the same shit company who still treat her like shit.

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 15:36

Well there you go then. The ying to my yang.

Marynary · 10/05/2015 16:33

The "babying" bit comes where parents refuse to let their adult/very-nearly-adult offspring to do what they want to do.

This thread isn't about parents not letting their adult children do what they want to do. It is about parents making their children work and pay rent while they are at still at school. You suggested that people who don't do this are babying them.

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 16:37

It is about parents making their children work and pay rent while they are at still at school

You sure about that? Title doesn't say anything about making kids work. But for the record (as it appears it's not obvious) I think a part time job from 15 or 16 is extremely beneficial. I didn't pay my parents rent, but I did when I moved out at 17.

Marynary · 10/05/2015 16:47

You sure about that? Title doesn't say anything about making kids work. But for the record (as it appears it's not obvious) I think a part time job from 15 or 16 is extremely beneficial. I didn't pay my parents rent, but I did when I moved out at 17.

Well children can't pay rent if they aren't working can they?? So obviously if a parent charges rent, their child will have to work (or at least work more hours than they otherwise would) to pay it.
I didn't work while at school when I was at 15 or 16 and it had zero impact on my future employability as I got plenty of work experience during the holidays when I was at university.

drudgetrudy · 10/05/2015 16:48

It can be beneficial for a teenager to work whilst studying but I can't see any benefit to them in having to pay rent before 18 whilst most of their peers don't.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 10/05/2015 16:50

my parents were far from rich - we only ever had hand me down clothes and camping hols, and FSM. They did not charge me or siblings any rent while still at school, or even when I was back home from uni (I got the maximum grant in those days and they had to pay nothing).
I did however start paying my way in a sense, as I got a PT job at 17 and started to buy all my own toiletires, clothes and sanpro etc. This was never discussed, it just sort of happened. I also paid for my driving lessons out of that, and managed to save a small amount each week - I was on about £40 a week in the late 80s.

If a young person is working PT as well as studying, then the rent should be a nominal amount only, towards extra food, to teach them budgeting skills, and they should not be seen as a money source for well off parents who can already afford loads of luxuries.

LaLyra · 10/05/2015 17:23

We take "digs" from DS1 (15). He has a part time job and he also has a pension type thing from his late biological Mum that pays an amount each month. When he first mooted the idea of a part-time job he was looking at a paper round paying about £20 a week and he was delighted by that prospect. As it is he landed a really good weekend job (2 hours on a Friday after school & varying hours on a Saturday usually one whole day then the next week just a short one) that pays well and ties in with what he wants to do in future. His wage for the day is no different to the other staff there so between the two he averages around £400 a month.

After a couple of months of frittering it on nothing we decided to "charge" him digs. He keeps £200 and pays the rest over (sometimes £200, sometimes less). For the first 6 months he moaned constantly and we had a few rows, however now that he has remembered the whole conversation and not just the "we're taking all your money off you bit" he's happy we have.

We pay for his bus pass, his general clothes and school uniform and lunches and will do so while we get child benefit for him and he's at school. It's only right imo. We also pay for his football because we've been doing so since he was little and it wouldn't be right to effectively punish him for having the get up and go to get the job (even though he sometimes has more spare cash than me!).

The money we've taken from his is in a separate account and is used to go toward big things he's been saving for, to pay toward half of big school trips and will meant he can still have his whole £200 when he takes time off the job for exam study (a rule in place when he was allowed to get it). There will also be a big chunk for him for things like driving lessons or whatever once he's a bit older.

I think it would have been silly of us to allow him to get used to having that amount of cash to fritter each month. It's so easy to get used to a set financial position and he was getting to the end of the month with a new hoodie, maybe a trip to the bowling, a computer game, a couple of magazines then no real idea of where the rest went! He was drinking waaaaaay too much coffee in bliming Costa with his friends and I don't/didn't like the idea of it being known to the people around him that he had a lot (for their age) of money - I think that way trouble lies. Now they all think he's skint coz his meanie parents charge him dig :)

5Foot5 · 10/05/2015 17:38

Marynary, you're being ridiculous now.

Why? For suggesting that working while studying could affect schoolchildren's grades?

When our DD entered Sixth Form the college made it clear that they did not advise anyone working more than 8 hours a week in a part-time job as they had found, in their experience, that this did affect grades.

Our DD had a part time job for a few hours a week but I certainly would not have taken anything from her. As it turns out she is fairly responsible with money anyway and saved the majority of what she earned to help out while she is at Uni.

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 17:47

I didn't work while at school when I was at 15 or 16 and it had zero impact on my future employability as I got plenty of work experience during the holidays when I was at university.

So you're adamant that going to uni to study something at 18 would have improved my potential, but you getting a job earlier on wouldn't have? Hmm

Marynary · 10/05/2015 18:02

So you're adamant that going to uni to study something at 18 would have improved my potential, but you getting a job earlier on wouldn't have?

Yes, I am adamant that was applying for jobs at the age of 22, an employer wouldn't have been interested in what I did when I was 15 or 16 considering that by that time I had plenty of work experience (during summer holidays) that was relevant to the actual job I wanted to do.

Marynary · 10/05/2015 18:03

So you're adamant that going to uni to study something at 18 would have improved my potential, but you getting a job earlier on wouldn't have?

Yes, I am adamant that when I was applying for jobs at the age of 22, an employer wouldn't have been interested in what I did when I was 15 or 16 considering that by that time I had plenty of work experience (during summer holidays) that was relevant to the actual job I wanted to do.

Marynary · 10/05/2015 18:11

By the way I don't think I said that it going to university definitely would have improved your potential. I think I just said that it might have done. You will never know.

LaLyra · 10/05/2015 18:19

I thnk the job he has now will help DS get jobs during uni time. It might be those jobs that later employers will be interested in, but I think it'll be harder to get those jobs now and this job will help him.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 10/05/2015 18:36

LaLyra can you say what your DS does? that does seem like a lot of wages for a little part time job at 15yo!

LaLyra · 10/05/2015 18:47

It's not all the job phantom Part of it is made up from the pension from his late mother. He works with a photographer. The couple he works with are both photographers and they do a lot of weddings (often doing a wedding each on the same day) and also have a studio with another photographer where they do portraits. His wage varies because some weeks he'll be out for 6/7 hours with them at a wedding where as other weeks he'll be making tea in the studio. They have another assistant who gets paid the same and luckily for ds (perhaps a bit too luckily as I worry it'll give him a false sense of the job market sometimes) they don't think he should get paid less per hour just because he's younger when he does the same.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 10/05/2015 18:49

well he seems to have landed on his feet and good on him , he must be very mature and relaible for them to think so highly of him!

LaLyra · 10/05/2015 18:53

He has. The couple had no intention of taking on someone young, mostly because it does limit them as he's only allowed to do certain hours, but he did well on his trial so they kept him on. He wants to be a photographer so it's ideal for him.

I'm very proud of him. Fingers crossed he doesn't think that's how it works in the rest of the job market!

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 19:29

I was a waitress in a hotel for the grand sum of £2.50 an hour at 16 and would bring home at least £400 per month in wages and tips.

It also gave me a working knowledge of tax and NI - something that was notably absent in the first week of October when all the phonecalls came in from the newly qualified teachers came in. "Why am I paying tax on my £20k salary when I've been a student?"

Madamecastafiore · 10/05/2015 19:31

My parents did. I had to drop out Hmm

Went onto work and got paid far more than my contemporaries who stayed for A levels and some degrees.

I do look back and wish I had had the support to stay on and be doing a job I wanted to do rather than one I fell into.

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 19:46

(Sorry -realise I missed a bit out. First full time job was for a local authority employing teachers.)

Marynary · 10/05/2015 21:03

Hmmm.... I'm sure the student teachers worked it all out very quickly. It's not really worth working 40 (?) hours a week at 16 just so you know about tax and NI when you start your first teaching job.