AIBU to think that charging a child rent whilst they're still at home and in the last year of A-levels is wrong?

[Pony74]

Happy to be corrected but I personally feel this is a bit off. Thanks.

Yanbu. I paid rent (out of choice) to my parents when I had a full time job but to take that much money from a part time wage is mean unless you really need it.

I worked from the age of 15 - around 25 hours a week term time plus and 50-60 hours a week in the holidays.

I moved out just before Y13, carried on attending (2) school(s), working and paid rent. Also paid for driving lessons and my first car. I passed 4 A levels and bought a house just over a year later.

Why are today's 18 year olds expected to behave like babies?

We don't charge anything. All three of our children still live at home and are at Uni. We'd rather they studied to get the grades for Uni than worked to hand us money. Not every parent is able to do that financially though.

Why are today's 18 year olds expected to behave like babies?

It's not a new idea. I'm in my late 40s and my parents certainly didn't expect me to work those sort of hours to pay them rent when I was at school. My parents are in their 70s and their parents didn't expect that either.

Whether or not you passed your A levels, it is quite possible that you would have done better if you had not worked to pay rent when you were doing them. You may not have bought a car or house quite so early but in the grand scheme of things that is not a big deal considering that on average those with better qualifications are more likely to have a highly paid job, house etc as adult.

I don't think it's treating them like babies. I also worked from the age of 13. First paper rounds, then babysitting and a Saturday job in Woolies. We were not well off, however I don't think it would have occurred to my mum to take money off me. After all she was receiving child benefit for me.

DD had a small part-time job last summer - she earned enough to pay for her spending money at college this year.

She has arrange 3 part-time jobs for this summer & is planning on saving enough for spending money for next year, but I will have to subsidise her travel expenses otherwise she will lose more than 50% of her take home pay each day in travel

If I were to leave her on her 'own' her being 17 (end of yr 12) and ask for rent there would be no point in her working & all three jobs are various aspects of her future career

Is she behaving like a baby? Am I treating her as one?

I dunno but it works for us

AtomicDog Fri 08-May-15 21:25:09
It is compulsory to remain in education until end of Y13 now. Where the fuck do the parents think the money is supposed to come from, given that the child still has to be in school full time?

It is compulsory to remain in education. This doesn't mean it has to be school. I know a few kids doing apprenticeships. While it's not great pay, they are getting paid, and one or two are giving their parents 25% of take home pay towards household bills.

Katymac, you are not treating her like a baby, you are being a supportive parent.

Why are today's 18 year olds expected to behave like babies?

Why can't they behave like 18 year olds? Studying and seeing their mates and not being burdened yet with responsibility for my household expenses.

I don't think feeding clothing and housing a teen is 'babying' them.

I think it's being responsible for the children I chose to have.

My parents never charged me to live under their roof, I don't think I've yet sunk into abject moral turpitude.

I would not dream of charging rent to my adult children (in their twenties, currently at Uni), no matter how old they are or what their life situation is. But I can understand that for familes who are struggling it would be reasonable for an adult child who is past their teens and has some income to contrubute to the family purse.

The only time I came near to charging and Adult child rent was with the intention of saving up the funds on her behalf for her to move out. She was a terrible roomate. We never actually reached that stage though.

One of my best friends at School was really bright and wanted to stay on and do A Levels, but her mum made her get a full time job instead. Because she had such good GCSE grades she was able to get an apprenticeship at a law firm and was only paid £50 a week to begin with, her mum took half of that off her leaving her with only £25 in her pocket.

I always thought that was really harsh, but they were quite an odd family anyway, definitely an attitude that once you hit 16 you went out and started "earning" and had to contribute.

Whether or not you passed your A levels, it is quite possible that you would have done better if you had not worked to pay rent when you were doing them. You may not have bought a car or house quite so early but in the grand scheme of things that is not a big deal considering that on average those with better qualifications are more likely to have a highly paid job, house etc as adult.

I bought a house instead of going to uni. I was a higher rate tax payer by 23, primarily of my early work experience. I continued climbing the ladder until going on maternity leave at 32. I did a professional qualification and then decided to set up a business with my husband rather than return to work for someone else. I'm now 37 and doing a degree because I feel like it. I work when I want to, and my work experience has always been more valuable than my A levels or any degree I might have had.

Well my 17 year old is applying for jobs daily handing out cvs to shops and reasturaunts volunteeeing to get experience that isnt exactly behaving like a baby just 1 adult had 2 jobs lived away from home not many school children move out btw etc etc doesnt mean this generation of 18yr olds are babied

I think compared to previous generations they are!

I bought a house instead of going to uni. I was a higher rate tax payer by 23, primarily of my early work experience. I continued climbing the ladder until going on maternity leave at 32. I did a professional qualification and then decided to set up a business with my husband rather than return to work for someone else. I'm now 37 and doing a degree because I feel like it. I work when I want to, and my work experience has always been more valuable than my A levels or any degree I might have had.

That doesn't mean that you may have done better if you had got the qualifications first. And even if qualifications have made no difference to you personally on average people who get good A levels as teenagers and go to university afterwards are more likely than those who didn't to get better paid jobs when they are adults, be home owners etc.

That doesn't mean that you may wouldn't have done better if you had got the qualifications first.

Hmm. Depends. How much does daughter earn? Is Mum/Dad paying out for her (food, clothes etc)

If the family are struggling to feed/clothe/pay bills, then yes, I think she should contribute personally, if able to.

I earned at that age and would have been happy to hand some/all of it over if it had helped out. My parents didn't need the help though and were happy for me to blow it on clothes and going out!

YANBU.

I think it is the parents role to support their children so long as they are in full time education, and gaining qualifications with the end result to be to set themselves up for adulthood.

When our daughter dropped out of A levels in the second year, she was instantly expected to pay rent.

Our son however who is in his second year and has a part time job is expected to contribute nothing, and he was encouraged to find a job to save for himself.

YANBU I was not charged rent until I was finished with a-levels and only when I got a part time job with my studies. My brother is 16 this June and I can't see him being charged anything until he is at uni if at all then.

how awful it would be if they had no money to go see a film or go swimming or go choose some clothes because mum and dad had taken it

Erm. That's precisely how it is for a lot of parents now!

We have 2 kids and have absolutely no money left after bills are paid. Nothing. No money for the cinema, no money for swimming, no money for new clothes. It's called reality

Yes, it is pretty shit!

But fgs, no one is talking here about leaving the child with nothing. She's being asked to contribute. Seriously. If the family's situation is dire, you would hope that a well brought up considerate kind child would want to contribute! I definitely would have done had it been needed when I was a kid.

My dad spent his career as a university lecturer. Even he advised we didn't go to uni at 18.

My sister didn't either. She's doing alright for herself too.

A school friend didn't work during a levels and went to uni straight from school then into the civil service. She's just been promoted to the grade that I started on at 21. (She's a day younger than me.)

I wasnt clever enough to stay on at school i left at 16 my dds stayed on my eldest works goes to college runs her car pays her bills buys her own clothes has a social life contributes somethings to the household imo taking money from her would be pointless as she would just struggle.

My dad spent his career as a university lecturer. Even he advised we didn't go to uni at 18.

Really? That is unusual unless he thought you couldn't get a good degree anyway so for you it wouldn't make any difference.