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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that charging a child rent whilst they're still at home and in the last year of A-levels is wrong?

156 replies

Pony74 · 08/05/2015 21:02

Happy to be corrected but I personally feel this is a bit off. Thanks.

OP posts:
Feminine · 09/05/2015 18:00

No, maybe not. mary

I think things are changing though.
employers are becoming more intuitive-and
Those that haven't studied are getting more creative.
They are finding jobs in quite imaginative ways. :)

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:02

I didn't say degrees were a waste. I said they weren't always the best thing to do. It's not the case that a degree is an advantage.

In your daughter's case she also had work experience - people have been suggesting that working alongside school studies isn't a good idea. I agree with you that actually, it gives you an edge.

And no, the candidate with the PhD got turned down because she didn't meet a couple of essential criteria. Her obvious love of a particular subject didn't help her in that circumstance, but may have been helpful elsewhere.

Marynary · 09/05/2015 18:04

I think things are changing though.
employers are becoming more intuitive-and
Those that haven't studied are getting more creative.
They are finding jobs in quite imaginative ways.

Really?? Are you speaking from personal experience? What job do you do?

Marynary · 09/05/2015 18:05

I think things are changing though.
employers are becoming more intuitive-and
Those that haven't studied are getting more creative.
They are finding jobs in quite imaginative ways.

Really?? Are you speaking from personal experience? What job do you do?

grannytomine · 09/05/2015 18:06

My daughter couldn't do her job without a degree and post grad, just not possible so for her it was essential. I think working is good but not to pay parents.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:07

I thought you said that you run your own business? Anyway, if you are currently an HR consultant you will know that the well paid jobs usually require qualifications and it is disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

Yes, I consult via a limited company that I'm
a director of.

I'm saying that degrees arent actually the be all and end all and that talent can be found in other ways.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/05/2015 18:07

"My cousin will be leaving uni in around £40k worth of debt with a good English degree, after just 4 hours of tutor a week."

IF she was only doing 4h of tuition a week, why in hell didn't she have a part time job at the same time, even if she was at university? They don't ban you from working, you know!

I had a Saturday job throughout my university years - plus working every holiday as well. I also did a 4y sandwich course with a year of industrial training (paid) as year 3.

I lived at home - my parents thought about charging me rent, but my grant (yes, I'm that old) was reduced to accommodate the fact that I lived at home, and so barely covered my train fare. If I hadn't been working as well, I'd have had to get my parents to subsidise my stationery requirements, let alone clothes, nights out (few as I didn't live near the rest of them and had to catch the train home) and lunch.

Back to the OP - I was working from the age of 15 in Saturday jobs, but my parents didn't ask me for rent. They wouldn't have. I offered them money from my first wages and they told me to put it into a savings account instead, which I did. If I'd frittered it all away, perhaps they might have taken some off me, but I suspect that they would have saved it for me. They weren't well off by any measure of means, but they weren't so poor that they needed rent from me.

So YANBU - unless they absolutely need the money to pay for food to put on the table, then no, I don't think it's reasonable to charge your A-level student rent.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:10

Granny, my husband absolutely couldn't have got into his industry without his degree either - he knew at 15 what he wanted to do and studied accordingly. Now though it's his experience and skill set learned on the job that commands the big bucks.

I think there is a huge difference between knowing what you want to do and not when it comes to work/university at 18.

Marynary · 09/05/2015 18:20

Yes, I consult via a limited company that I'm
a director of.

I'm saying that degrees arent actually the be all and end all and that talent can be found in other ways.

Of course talent can be found in other ways. However, as I keep saying if you have a degree you have more choices and more chances of getting a good well paid job than someone who doesn't, as I'm sure you know.

The majority of those without qualifications do not have other talents and they are far more likely to end up with low paid jobs/no jobs than those with good qualifications. The fact that you or someone else you know has managed without qualifications because they have other talents does not change that fact. Therefore why would any decent parent disadvantage their child from getting the best A levels possible so that they can do a degree by charging them rent when they are at school?

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:33

It depends on the degree, the jobs wanted and THE PERSON most of all!

Aren't plumbers some of the most highly paid workers in this decade, due to too many going to uni instead of doing vocational courses?

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 18:37

Many "decent parents" save the rent they take and give it back as a car or house deposit.

MrsSheRa · 09/05/2015 18:44

God.

I wouldn't ask for any sort of "rent" until they were in full time employment. Wouldn't ask for much either.

Marynary · 09/05/2015 18:51

Many "decent parents" save the rent they take and give it back as a car or house deposit.

Seriously? Is it really worth risking your child getting good A levels just so you can give them a couple of thousand towards a car or house deposit one day?Hmm

JaynewithaY · 09/05/2015 18:52

When I worked through A Levels and Uni, I paid a small amount of "keep", which increased when I started working full time. My Mum saved every penny for me and gave it back when I wanted to buy my own house, to help furnish and decorate it. She did the same with my sister and we were both very grateful that she did.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 19:36

Marynary, you're being ridiculous now.

BuggersMuddle · 09/05/2015 19:48

DisappointedOne I work in financial services in a field that does not require my degree. I am now (mid 30s) just about at the point where I could put my CV forward successfully with my degree on it. If I didn't have it, I wouldn't have even gotten a look in when I was starting out though, so wouldn't be in this position.

Yes, I work beside a few people (usually older) who started as a branch teller or junior admin and worked their way up. They tend to be really competent and employed below their capability even now. However even more of their mates are still in junior roles while some of our grads are not all that hot.

A degree provides evidence (hopefully) of a certain degree of intelligence and critical thinking. Of course it's not the only way to prove this, but I think many people (who are capable of a degree) would be taking a gamble in taking a non-graduate role and hoping that it would give them an opportunity to shine.

On the original OP, YANBU unless the family really need the money. I know for a fact my parents wouldn't charge me rent now as they don't need the money. (This came up when I was looking at moving job near my parents and DP would've needed a time to look for a new role and choose the best place to live).

Marynary · 09/05/2015 20:05

Marynary, you're being ridiculous now.

If anyone is being ridiculous it is you.

DisappointedOne · 09/05/2015 20:57

Ah, okay. Where are all the degree-educated plumbers and builders then?

BuggersMuddle · 09/05/2015 21:22

Well it does rather depend if you have the capability to become a plumber of builder in the first place (rather like the degree question). I chose not to do a PhD and I almost certainly could have done one...I could 'choose' to train to be a plumber all I like, but as someone who is basically competent practically (okay, but no natural skill), is an arachnophobe and doesn't particularly like small spaces, I doubt I'd be a terribly good one...

And in any case, I was giving a comment on my field / industry. An industry in which a rather large number of graduates and non-graduates alike are employed.

FWIW I agree that sending more and more people to do a 'traditional' degree might not be the answer. There are some alternatives in place, but not enough of them to warrant the average B grade student not pursuing a university place.

grannytomine · 09/05/2015 21:49

My advice to my kids was to work hard at school, qualifications give you choices. If you fail your GCSEs you won't get onto A levels, if you don't get good A levels you can't study medicine, can't become an architect or whatever. If you want to do something else like be a waitress or cleaner you can do it without GCSEs, that doesn't mean they are bad things to be as a good waitress can work flexible shifts, enjoy meeting the public, get tips etc. Where I live good cleaners are like gold dust and certainly earn good money, a friend of mine was interviewed by a cleaner who had been recommended to her and she was given a list of requirements before the cleaner, who named her own price, would accept the job.

So for me the bottom line was have choices. I know highly qualified people who do jobs that might surprise you e.g. a shelf stacker at my local supermarket who used to be a university lecturer, someone with a PhD from a world renowned university who is a carer. I don't know any brain surgeons with no qualifications.

Marynary · 09/05/2015 22:02

I totally agree grannytime People with qualifications have more choices and opportunities to do the job they want to do.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/05/2015 04:23

I used to know at least one degree educated plumber. He was an accountant who found that working as an accountant didn't agree with him, so he re-trained as a plumber and enjoyed it far more.

Degrees are useful in more than just giving you a piece of paper - as someone upthread has already said, it helps with critical thinking among other things. It doesn't preclude you from doing non-degree requirement jobs; but NOT having a degree DOES preclude you from doing jobs that DO require a degree. Why limit yours choices?

woollytights · 10/05/2015 07:35

YANBU. Hate greedy parents. My partners rich parents had him doing a paper round from his early teens and giving them the whole amount. Revolting.

DisappointedOne · 10/05/2015 09:16

Degrees are useful in more than just giving you a piece of paper - as someone upthread has already said, it helps with critical thinking among other things. It doesn't preclude you from doing non-degree requirement jobs; but NOT having a degree DOES preclude you from doing jobs that DO require a degree. Why limit yours choices?*

I think I agree with that, but what do you study if there's nothing you're particularly interested in? Why get into ££££s of debt?

Even now, nearly 20 years after I sat my A levels, I'm studying an Open Degree because I didn't want to be tied down to one subject! I'm very much a generalist and have a wide breadth of experience and interests, so a single or double subject degree just doesn't interest me.

murmuration · 10/05/2015 10:16

dissapointed, I have a certain degree of sympathy for your views. My parents refused to let me get a job, saying "school is your job" and even threw out job applications and refused to let me attend an interview I had gotten when I finally managed to apply on the sly. I eventually entered the work force (with a PhD) having never done any other type of work, and really wish I had had a chance to experience "job politics" sooner than I did. And I missed out on a lot of social development as a teen as I had no money and no way to obtain any, so could not join in social activities (I managed to get to a few school plays in which my friends acted by skipping lunch and hoarding up the lunch money my mother gave me). I'd argue that my parent's approach is too far in the opposite direction from saying a kid must support themselves from 16...

However, going through school to A-levels does open up possiblities for later choices that might be more difficult without that early academics. I think it depends on the child -- if they can handle studying and a job, and want to, they should. But if they want to concentrate on studying, I don't think a parent should force a child to work in order to pay rent. The only reason this makes sense is if the family financial situation is poor enough that the household cannot function without these funds, in which case it would be the family in it together.