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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you've ever met a man who showed genuine hatred towards women?

100 replies

EmeraldThief · 05/05/2015 14:24

I only ask because in my local convenience store just now I came face to face with a former work colleague who IMO was just like that. I was the only woman at this place, surrounded by men and never had a single problem until I had to work alongside him. From the off was very arrogant, offhand and attempted to "put me in my place." I took it until one day I snapped, told him he was out of order and I wasn't prepared to be spoken to like that.

The response to that was off the scale, you know how when you usually stand up to bullies they back down, or are supposed to anyway? Well he exploded, red faced, bulging eyes, actually rocking back and forth ranting "who then fuck do YOU think you are?", "what the fuck is wrong with YOU?." amongst other things. I was for once rendered speechless, and was actually scared for my safety. I refused to work with him after that and left shortly aftewards.

It had to be because I was woman. He was was like that with anyone else and was indeed popular with everyone else there. It was bizarre and then first and only time I've ever encountered it. I know he had teenage daughters and I often wonder how he'd feel if a bloke spoke to them like that?

I should hate him for that but I see him for the pathetic creature he is. Short, bald, middle aged and borderline obese. With a really noticeable lisp. i actually pity him.

Sorry for rambling. Has anyone else evee encountered this?

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 05/05/2015 14:30

Yes, my Grandfather, my father and to an extent my brother.
They particularly had an issue with uppity women who didn't know their places ( ie intelligent, articulate ones) and a proper woman was pink, fluffy and domesticated.
None of them liked me much - which I take as a massive compliment

Schoolaroundthecorner · 05/05/2015 14:31

Yes,but he was a teenager at the time. I was at a student exchange residential programme for a week (mixed sex) with teenagers ranging from I think 15-17. There were about 30 of us. I remember having little to no direct contact with him during the residency but at the end we all wrote in each other's programmes various well wishes etc. They were just circulated round to everyone and people wrote various pleasantries.

Mine came back and I noticed he had written 'if you were a bloke I'd punch you in the face', he'd written similarly ugly things in some of the other girls programmes. No it wasn't a joke, he was a real weirdo. I sometimes wonder now what he developed into...

Original poster

EmeraldThief · 05/05/2015 14:34

Interesting Hopping. I was quite confident in my job and new the ropes, maybe better than he did, I suppose I didn't know my place did I?

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 05/05/2015 14:34

Loads. Sadly. :(

shewept · 05/05/2015 14:37

No. I have met people who don't like me, but never had the impression it was because I was a woman or that they didn't like women.

Obviously you know the situation better, but is there a chance he just didn't like you personally?

cailindana · 05/05/2015 14:37

Yes, my father. When DD was born he didn't want to come and see her. He told me when I was about 12 that there was no point in educating some. This is a guy who's been supported for the last 35 years by my mother, a degree-educated professions woman . His hatred is so strong it's impervious to logic.

drbonnieblossman · 05/05/2015 14:38

Pleased to say no.

Sadly I've seen a lot of genuine hatred towards men though.

Both situations equally grim, surely? Hatred is hatred.

cailindana · 05/05/2015 14:38

no point in educating women.

Original poster

EmeraldThief · 05/05/2015 14:40

I barely knew him shewept, and he was really offhand with me from the word go. For no apparent reason.

OP posts:

PushAPushPop · 05/05/2015 14:47

EmeraldThief he sounds just like the bloke I was coming on to mention.

Ex-colleague (boss's son) thought he was the dog's bollocks. Fat, sweaty, thick as shit arsehole. I'm getting angry thinking about him.

He hated the fact that us "office girls" knew the job/clients better than him and would never be told anything because his way was the right way.

He would explode and rant and go red in the face if things weren't going the way he wanted, and I witnessed him blow up spectacularly at my colleague many times. He never really had a go at me; I would genuinely have walked out if the job if he had spoken to me like he spoke to her, plus I was on very, very good terms with his dad (my boss) who was a lovely gentleman.

He used to go and visit strip clubs and the like. He loved the attention they gave him. He had pornographic calendars in his office. If you looked less than perfect at any point he would relish commenting on how rough you looked.

I f*ing hated him.

Original poster

EmeraldThief · 05/05/2015 14:50

Sounds remarkably similar Push.

Fat, ugly and as thick as shit. I wonder if there is a pattern forming here lol

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 05/05/2015 14:51

No. I've met people of both sexes who don't seem to like anyone, or who don't like specific groups of people - but not men who don't like women per se.

funnyossity · 05/05/2015 14:54

Yes.

The ones I can think of straightaway only stop their dislike if you fit into an "acceptable" type of woman. I am acceptable and the pink, fluffy type of woman is not. (I take it the guys who like fluffy women are hating me from a distance maybe?)

I try to minimise my time with these family members.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 05/05/2015 14:54

I've known a few. My ex BIL springs to mind. My father maybe but his own mother was a Saint who Could Do No Wrong. That said he didn't go and see her in the care home for the last few years of her life.

I've known a lot of angry misogynist men through work as well. So it's not just my family

SolidGoldBrass · 05/05/2015 14:59

A few. I have also met quite a few men who appear to like some women, but in fact don't like women at all - they simply don't percieve women as human beings, and get infuriated at women who don't behave as these men believe 'women' should. IE women should be attractive and fuckable, deferential and obedient to men and any woman who is for instance cleverer than the angry, inadequate man is A Crime Against Masculinity...

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2015 15:01

I should hate him for that but I see him for the pathetic creature he is. Short, bald, middle aged and borderline obese. With a really noticeable lisp. i actually pity him.

Fat, ugly and as thick as shit. I wonder if there is a pattern forming here lol

Why don't you stick to the point of your thread?

The point being, you felt he hated women?

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 05/05/2015 15:05

Yes. How bloody sad though to see a bloke like this as your dad/brother. What on earth makes men so inadequate and pathetic?

Original poster

EmeraldThief · 05/05/2015 15:09

He was all of those things Worra, and yet he clearly thought he as something special squeezing his epic beer gut into designer polo shirts that were several sizes to small and smothering himself in vile aftershave that smelt so pungent it could strip paint from the walls.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2015 15:13

But being Short, bald, middle aged and borderline obese isn't a crime.

Fair enough to stick to slagging him off for his behaviour and words, but no so for the rest imo.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 05/05/2015 15:16

I've seen lots of low level misogyny but I've only met one man who truly hated women. He also hated anyone young, non-white, foreign, disabled, of a different background to him. But women he really hated the most.

I oversaw an employment case against him and it was incredibly difficult to be level headed about it and judge purely on the presented facts rather than the fact that he kept referring to the complainant as "that paki whore". When we found against him he claimed it was PC bollocks and threatened to sue for wrongful termination unless he had an all white, all male repeat case. He got it and still got fired.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 05/05/2015 15:18

But being Short, bald, middle aged and borderline obese isn't a crime. Fair enough to stick to slagging him off for his behaviour and words, but no so for the rest imo.

I'd agree with Worra here, except he seems to be the type who'd have a go at any woman who didn't live up his "standards" even though he wasn't living up to them himself. It's hypocrisy mixed with misogyny and there's a lot around.

I mostly see it from immature teenage boys who claim they won't date anyone who isn't a Victoria's Secret model despite looking far from the male equivalent - sadly some men never grow out of it.

redexpat · 05/05/2015 15:19

Yes. A lot of prison officers had a problem with my female boss, despite the fact that she was perfectly polite and acted in the same way as the men on her grade.

YaTalkinToMe · 05/05/2015 15:26

No I have not, met people who hold sexist views no one that I would say hate women.

Chillyegg · 05/05/2015 15:27

Yep my PE teacher at school he was awful to all the girls but especially me! ( i was the only child that came from an ethnic minority at school)
He nearly broke my ankle once at school by bashing a hockey ball and it hit my ankle. His response when my mum kicked of royally was " thats why girls shouldn't play sport"... He was really in the wrong proffession

Daimgirl · 05/05/2015 15:29

Yeap, he physically attacked me at work once when I refused to break the law to cover him.

He referred to women as slash, cunts, whores etc etc.

He hated me because I got promoted above him, the day in question I'd pulled him up, he done something that while it was fine that time was actually both dangerous and illegal and expected me to sign off on it.

I refused, he asked to speak to me in private, I agree to go in to a office that was on the main drag but refused to close the door, he backed me in to a corner and screamed and spat in my face for about 5 minutes, then when I tried to move he pinned me by the throat.

Co-workers had to call security to get him off me.

Scary bits.

When I then told my superior that I had called the police I was accused of over reacting; I had to go to A&E for the bruising on my neck, I couldn't talk over a whisper for about a week.

I refused to work with him after that and was threatened with a formal warning. I got an 'informal' warning for being off sick for 2 days post incident.

Really scary thing, we were both HCP's.

I followed it through, and he was slapped on the wrist by the NMC.

Despite have photographic evidence I got no-where with the police I was told it was a he says /she says. . . . (this was a few years ago, I know that at least in the local force attitudes have changed hugely)

Really scary thing x 1000

He's still practising, I wasn't the first woman he'd attacked physically, just the first to follow it up.

Really scary thing x 100,000

The amount of people who tried to justify his behaviour, I was the one in the wrong, I was ruining his life/ career etc. . . .

'Cause that's what women do isn't it, lie to get poor men in trouble.......

So even with witness statements, physical evidence etc I was still a liar/over reacting/ man hater.

Oddly enough when I'd ask them if they'd be happy for him to care for their Mother/Father/Daughter/Son/Themselves etc, I'd get a lot of huffing and puffing and then 9 times out of 10 well you must have done something to set him off. . . .

'Cause that's what you really want in a HCP, someone who can't control himself.

It's not till you're there that you realise how many people still find violence against women acceptable and/or the woman fault.

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