Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your teenage children swear? And do you mind?

280 replies

MrsFring · 05/05/2015 09:36

I have three teenagers; Dd1 (19), DSL (17) and Dd2 (14). I swear. Quite a bit when I've got my dander up. The older two swear in extremis but not very much, their choice. Dd2, however, has started to swear much more frequently and 'cunt' is her currently favoured word. She tends to use it when upset by something on the news or when fighting with her brother (which is most of the time). She assures me that she never uses it at school when a teacher could hear her.

She is a very principled, passionate girl and does tend to get a bit carried away. DH is more bothered by her swearing than I am, I suspect that he considers it unladylike but would never dare to say that to me.

What do think? Would you mind?

OP posts:
addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 11:43

I once said 'balls' in front of ExBf's mother and she was shocked.

I didn't even know that kind of thing was considered swearing. Hmm.

addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 11:44

the swearer is either trying too hard to shock, has no manners or is thick

....I can assure you it's none of those things. It's a word. Seriously.

Bunbaker · 06/05/2015 12:09

adds To you it is just a word, to me it conveys that the speaker doesn't know their audience.

Swearing is frowned on at work. One of my colleagues is resentful that she gets passed over for promotion all the time. My manager told me that one of the reasons is because she has such a potty mouth and is completely unaware of how other people perceive her.

I do swear, but only when provoked. Swearing does have its place, but I just think it is inappropriate in normal every day conversation. I also think it can come across as aggressive in some cases.

unlucky83 · 06/05/2015 12:12

I used to be a chef and DP is a still one ...Gordon Ramsay is the norm!
But I don't swear in front of my DC (have only once - I said 'shit' when DD1 was about 9 and we nearly got run over by a car - she was horrified)
When DD1 was about 7 testing the boundaries as we were going to ballet and she didn't want to go she said something like 'I fucking hate ballet' - and watched for a reaction. I marched her straight back inside, sent her up to her room and fed her bread and water for dinner -and told her she shouldn't really have been given that Grin.
Now 14 she knows the reason I don't want her to swear is that I don't want her to get into the habit - there are certain jobs you do where you just can never swear - live tv presenter, school teacher, policeman (although in a riot a policeman once told me if I saw any gangs to 'get the fuck out of there, just drive and don't stop for anything' - the swearing somehow made it more frightening!).
And I tell her about when I was a chef and did used to swear all the time. A friend's father was visiting and he was really strict - didn't even like someone saying 'damn'. I was talking to him -(thinking I mustn't swear) and I was fine until he started talking about something cheffy and I came out with 'halibut is just so fucking expensive' Blush - either he didn't notice or pretended he didn't...I got away with it
but as a children's tv presenter...don't think I would have.
Also if I am really cross with DP and the DCs are aren't around a jolly good swear makes me feel so much better ...has more effect.
DP doesn't swear in front of them either but swears in conversation when they aren't around...and he has slipped up once or twice - but the DCs haven't realised - yet.

pointythings · 06/05/2015 12:47

We aren't a sweary household - if we do use language it will be situational. I do think context matters - DD1 swears and admits to it, but she knows not to do it within earshot of adults. It's a battle that is really not worth having as she is mature, sensible, hard-working and kind in every way.

DH doesn't like it when she does let the odd 'fuck' slip out, though he uses the word occasionally as we all do - he used to come down like a tonne of bricks until I asked him if he would have done the same if she'd been a boy. He hasn't said a thing since.

pointythings · 06/05/2015 12:56

I also think that anyone who uses the word 'chavvy' to describe others has no claim to good manners. It's smug and horribly judgemental.

Livjames1 · 06/05/2015 13:11

You "found it amusing that your Ds learnt the word cunt from a friend" omg that is disgusting, you're an idiot.

addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 13:23

Livjames is it nice up there on your high horse love?

SunnyBaudelaire · 06/05/2015 13:25

fucking hell still here livjames?

Livjames1 · 06/05/2015 13:35

No high horse available unfortunately, I honestly can't believe what I've read, how can any decent parent find their child swearing funny?

addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 13:38

Liv do you have any sense of humour at all? It's a fricking word. If someone had decided 300 years ago that the word 'tea' was offensive you'd be all pearl clutchy at that too. It makes no sense whatsoever.

My sister used to say 'fuck fuck FUCK' all the time as a toddler, it was bloody hilarious.

Livjames1 · 06/05/2015 13:55

So just because I don't find swearing children particularly funny that automatically means I have no senses of humour....?

peggyundercrackers · 06/05/2015 14:01

add no its not hilarious when children swear - I cringe when I hear them doing it.

Maryz · 06/05/2015 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Livjames1 · 06/05/2015 14:06

We all judge you know, every single day in fact, that's just the way life is, I'm entitled to my opinion and i'm not going to apologise because other people don't agree with it.

addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 14:07

So just because I don't find swearing children particularly funny that automatically means I have no senses of humour....?

No, you have no sense of humour because you're calling people disgusting and saying they're bad parents just because their child happens to repeat a swear word.

peggy you can cringe about it all you want, it's down to the individual parent and child.

PolterGoose · 06/05/2015 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peggyundercrackers · 06/05/2015 14:15

add yep that's right it is down to the individual but I don't believe its down to the child. I think its wrong that adults let children swear - it isn't just words and yes it does make the people who use these words all the time a bit... anti-social? common? thick? ignorant? they certainly aren't articulate.

unfortunately people are judged on this kind of behaviour.

SunnyBaudelaire · 06/05/2015 14:17

" it does make the people who use these words all the time a bit... anti-social? common? thick? ignorant? "

I personally find people who say this kind of thing, a bit ....catsbum mouthed and uneducated.
But there you go!

addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 14:19

peggy I swear all the time. I love it. Not anti-social, common, thick or ignorant thank you.

And associating those things with people who swear is plain snobby by the way.

It IS just words - they've been arbitrarily defined as 'rude'. I repeat - if 300 years ago it had been decreed the word 'tea' was rude, we'd be fluttering our fans at that one too.

TheWordFactory · 06/05/2015 14:20

peggy I will pit my intelligence and articulacy against yours any day of the week Wink.

PolterGoose · 06/05/2015 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 06/05/2015 14:23

My DS swears but he has SN and people can't tell what he's saying Smile

Is that worthy of judging, Liv?

PS Anyone who judges other parents in such a patronising, smug fashion, but can't actually spell or punctuate appropriately themselves...well, it's a bit embarrasing really, isn't it? I would rather my kids say "bollocks" and be able to write a coherent sentence, rather than not swearing but still being an arrogant prick without a good command of the English language!

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 06/05/2015 14:25

fucking bollocks wank crap twat

Livjames1 · 06/05/2015 14:29

No it's not worth judging, my dd is autistic and that would be a completely different kettle of fish.