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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if your teenage children swear? And do you mind?

280 replies

MrsFring · 05/05/2015 09:36

I have three teenagers; Dd1 (19), DSL (17) and Dd2 (14). I swear. Quite a bit when I've got my dander up. The older two swear in extremis but not very much, their choice. Dd2, however, has started to swear much more frequently and 'cunt' is her currently favoured word. She tends to use it when upset by something on the news or when fighting with her brother (which is most of the time). She assures me that she never uses it at school when a teacher could hear her.

She is a very principled, passionate girl and does tend to get a bit carried away. DH is more bothered by her swearing than I am, I suspect that he considers it unladylike but would never dare to say that to me.

What do think? Would you mind?

OP posts:
tilliebob · 05/05/2015 21:49

I swear around my teens now (but not my wee one) and I don't care if they swear around me either. They know when they can swear or use slang and when to talk properly and politely. They are complimented by their teachers on their maturity and manners. I fear drink, drugs, underage/unprotected sex (none of which are an issue).....swearing is the least of my worries!

tilliebob · 05/05/2015 21:50

Forgot to add - they don't say fuck or that c word that people are so fond of reclaiming. I hate it so don't use it either.

measles64 · 05/05/2015 21:56

I have a bit of a potty mouth and DH tells me off if I swear it is not lady like apparently. He swears but that is OK. I did hear my DS3 aged 13 let slip the F. word recently he was mortified so I pretended that I had not heard. With the other two grown sons I did get out a swear jar £1 a time. One son owed me £7 within an hour

tilliebob · 05/05/2015 21:57

And, in actually reading the thread, don't feel sorry for my kids Liv. I am educated to masters level, my younger teen is a straight A student and the elder wouldn't say boo to a goose if he didn't know them. As I said, worry about the big deals...don't sweat the small stuff. I have an open, honest and very respectful relationship with my young adults. We can talk about everything. If they are wound up and talking it through and (gasp) swearing means not turning to self harm, being depressed or turning to other crutches, I'm all for it.

A lot of people are still alive in my life due to my ability to release stress by swearing like a trooper.

TheFairyCaravan · 05/05/2015 22:07

No-one needs to feel sorry for my kids either. They're really lovely young men. They can be depended upon to do things for others and are not out and about causing trouble.

DS1 is a Trooper so it's okay that he swears! Wink

Cooroo · 05/05/2015 22:31

There is all the difference in the world between using swear words in friendly chat to emphasise or embellish or add humour, and subjecting anothrr human to a torrent of sweary abuse. I've once or twice been on the receiving end of the latter and it's horrible and frightening . If my DD spoke to me or anyone else like that I'd be very upset. But she's a lovely girl who says fuck and shit from time to time. No problem with that

SirChenjin · 05/05/2015 22:32

My kids have said that they are more than happy for anyone to feel sorry for them, and could they please express their pity for them in denominations of £10s and £20s.

Dieu · 05/05/2015 22:40

It's a 'no' from me! Swearing in front of your folks is disrespectful.

Dieu · 05/05/2015 22:42

I did scream out 'fuck' the other day though when I hurt my foot. This was heard by my 13, 8 and 5 year olds. Yes, I'm a hypocrite Blush

Thenapoleonofcrime · 05/05/2015 22:57

I think the people who think their teens know the contexts in which to swear are probably mistaken, judging by the language I hear on buses, trains, out in public all the time walking along. I hate it. I hate walking past young people with my children hoping their fucks, cunts and wankers aren't loud enough for them to hear. It sounds aggressive and it is meant to be intimidating in that context. Totally different than saying bugger if you drop something at home, but I really don't think most teenagers do know the difference, or they have become so immune to the constant swearing around them, they actually think saying fuck every few words is now standard English.

fortifiedwithtea · 06/05/2015 07:37

I hate swearing when its punctuating normal speech e.g. so I went to the fucking shop to buy a fucking pint of milk. For me swearing is a release of emotion like when the thread breaks on my overlocker, that is really frustrating and deserves an outburst of "bollocks", calms me down.

I have a teen doing AS level exam this month and see nothing wrong in her having a good swear to relieve the stress of revision.

I don't agree its disrespectful to swear in front of me. I would use swear words with my own DM if used in context.

Dawndonnaagain · 06/05/2015 08:04

Bless you Liv. I swear, I have a Phd. All my children swear, feel sorry for Ds2 will you, he's just been asked to stay on at uni and do his masters in Literary Theory, swears like a trooper. He has tourettes too, not verbal tourettes though. He tics so badly that he frequently ends up on the floor and injured. He's had to have stitches before. He's entitled to swear.
I feel sorry for you and your children, particularly if you're constantly trying to thrust your somewhat shallow social mores upon them all the time.
Swearing is part of our language, it's perfectly acceptable apart from in working class circles, that's about control, as it is in your case. I have not failed as a parent in any way whatsoever. My children have exceptional manners and exceptional language skills, despite the various disabilities in the house and despite the rich and varied language often used, they have grown up to be loving, kind and polite members of society. They will go on to make useful contributions to society. So, tell me how I've failed.

SirChenjin · 06/05/2015 08:12

it's perfectly acceptable apart from in working class circles

Can you explain what you mean by that sweeping generalisation?

SirChenjin · 06/05/2015 08:12

sorry - that classist sweeping generalisation

weaselwords · 06/05/2015 08:15

I am a complete hypocrite and swear a lot, but don't like the teenagers doing it. I've no idea why.

Pagwatch · 06/05/2015 09:42

Thenapoleonofcrime

No. That's actually guff too.

I know my son. We talk about language , he is interested in it. He loathes swearing as punctuation as much as I do.

The idea that because you see teenagers swear you think I don't know anything about my child is bollocks.

If we are going for random, sweeping statements I have always thought that making swearing beyond the pale at home is more likely to make a teenager think it's cool and spray it around.

I hate this sort of rubbish. It's like people having affairs saying 'oh everyone does it'

Teenagers - shockingly - are able to think independently sometimes.

DurhamDurham · 06/05/2015 09:48

I only swear when I'm driving and my two girls aged 21 and 18 seem to have acquired this bad habit too Blush

I hate swearing in normal everyday language, when it's bandied about it sounds horrible.

My girls would never swear in the house or around members of their family but I've no idea if they swear whilst with their friends.

addstudentdinners2 · 06/05/2015 10:01

I genuinely don't understand what the big deal is with this.

Surely swear if you want to and don't if you don't?

I swear like a trooper. Always have, always will. So does the other girl I work with. My line manager doesn't at all, but she doesn't mind that we do and we don't mind that she doesn't.

I mean honestly, why all the angst?!

Owllady · 06/05/2015 10:43

Lol at working class circles not swearing. You have never worked in a factory have you? :o
Which is another generalisation....bug it taught me swear words my teenagers wouldn't even know existed

HopOnTheMonnerBus · 06/05/2015 10:46

We're a sweary family. We swear often in front of the DSs (13 and 9)

DS1 does swear occasionally but knows that words like fuck or cunt are adults only.

I'm often surprised by how many people on here are offended by swearing. Everyone bar one older lady at my place of work swears often. DH's place of work is the same.

noddyholder · 06/05/2015 11:15

I think many do know the contexts and choose to swear regardless as you are wont to do when a teenager and not bound by what you see as the 'rules'

helluvaflouncematey · 06/05/2015 11:18

I think the people who think their teens know the contexts in which to swear are probably mistaken, judging by the language I hear on buses, trains, out in public all the time walking along.

Hmm I tell my kids swearing amongst friends is different but I should probably remind them that that's only true if said group of friends is not in earshot of anyone else. The 'context' shouldn't be who you're with or specifically talking to but the entire set of people within earshot.

smoothieooo · 06/05/2015 11:19

I swear but DS1 (16) and DS2 (15) rarely swear in front of me. I allowed them a word a year (i.e. they were allowed to say 'bloody' from the age of 14) and the will occasionally say they're pissed off, or that something was 'shit' but surprisingly, especially given my potty mouth, it doesn't happen often.

deliprancer · 06/05/2015 11:27

I swear a small amount and rarely in front of my children. However, I would just like to add my experience as when I was teenager I had an extremely stressful and difficult home life. My parents wouldn't even say words like fart, boobs and bum. There were many several occasions which utterly warranted a great big swear fest. The repressed environment made everything much worse and the swearing ban was certainly an element of this. The odd "what the fuck are you doing? " would probably have been a good thing.

Bunbaker · 06/05/2015 11:43

"I may say, but not often, 'shit' or 'bugger', but never 'fuck' or 'cunt' and certainly not 'fucking cunt'. As my DC don't hear me swear, they don't swear themselves. We're just a household that doesn't swear. If they did swear, I would mind. I can't bear to watch the likes of Gordan Ramsey."

That pretty much sums us up as well. I know DD swears with her friends and online, but I am aware that she knows when swearing is and isn't appropriate so I don't say anything. I don't like to hear swearing all the time.

I think it is unnecessary in most cases and just makes me feel that the swearer is either trying too hard to shock, has no manners or is thick. That said, I am not offended by it, I just don't like it. None of my friends or family swear in normal conversation and it isn't something that comes naturally to me unless I am angry.

I am proud to be a prude about swearing Grin