about HV reporting me to GP

[spectral]

I took DD to her 2-year development check last week. It was at 1pm, which I wasn't thrilled about as dd is normally asleep then and that's important work time for me, but I didn't have much faith in the possibility of rescheduling again, as we'd initially had a letter making an appointment for a date already in the past. I turned up on time with a completed copy of the development questionnaire and a very sleepy DD.

HV went through the questionnaire asking each question again, word-for-word. About five minutes in she said I seemed 'stressed' and asked why; I told her that DD really needed a sleep, that I really needed the time to work, and that I wasn't sure why I had bothered to fill out the questionnaire in advance if we were going to go through it again word-for-word. Appointment went a bit faster after that; I said that I would ask for help if I thought dd needed it, but that we had no concerns whatsoever about her development. HV agreed no concerns. DD didn't want to cooperate with being weighed and measured, but HV said she looked pretty 'in proportion' so it didn't really matter, and appointment ended by mutual agreement.

Six days later I get a phone call from DD's GP saying he's had an email from HV about me and is 'calling out of a duty of care to a child' -- so clearly not a friendly call just to check everything's ok. I told him about the conversation I had at HV appointment, explained again why I might have seemed stressed, but that that HV had not indicated to me that she might have grounds for passing anything on. I pressed him to say whether there was anything out of the ordinary going on, and he said no, and I decided to be honest with him and say that I was very unhappy (ok, I actually said furious) that HV had decided to report me to my daughter's GP.

I am utterly freaked out, though. I adore DD and do my best for her, as does DH, and I think we are doing ok. I did express a negative opinion about the way the appointment was organised, but I think that should be allowed! What on earth is going on?

sharon I don't thnk it's meant personally but it does perhaps reflect the depth and frequency with which many many women feel the health visiting service has neither met their needs or been delivered in a particularly effective or supportive way.

I think there needs to be reflection deep within the NHS about HV services are provided, whether the they are contemporaneious and appropriate for today's society adn about the manner in which they are delivered by very many health visitors.

There have to be ways of providing a better service to those who neeed it for the same money and it isn't how the service is presently structured. My youngest is almost 17 and I was saying this 20 years ago yet nothing has changed to make it a better service in the meantime. If it had these threads would be different.

I think you were rude tbh.

You were given an appt by the HV. You knew it wasn't a good time for your child or yourself but went anyway.

You could have moved it or cancelled altogether. You didn't and then got annoyed at her doing her job.

It was my HV who picked up on DS1's delays. Without those checks he could have been much older before we picked up on it.

I work with people who work with vulnerable families and they have to be so careful to record and check everything. There is uproar in the media etc when a child is hurt and no one picked up on it.

Be thankful someone cared about your child.

Things aren't perfect but things are changing. My HV did nothing for me when I was in the midst of PND despite knowing a family member of mine had comitted suicide in the postnatal period which when combined with anxiety and PND in a new mum would you think warrant further observation.
My daughter also didn't regain her birth weight for 4 weeks and I had to give up bf and she didn't give a sod about that either. So I don't deny some negative experiences but IMO what happened in this instance is a good example of joined up working and a hv following their professional judgement

Beaufort you seem to have missed the health visiting review by Cowley et al. And the fact the HV service has in fact been restructured?

Things are far from perfect and they aren't changing fast enough. And they aren't changing everywhere. MH is still one of those things that you are just left to it unless you get lucky enough to have someone who is on the ball.

This is moving very quickly to apologies if I've missed something.

Sharon I see you arguing a lot but I dont see you responding at all to the reaction of a mother who is really freaked out by what you've said on here. You are ignoring her in favour of arguing with someone else. Even though your arguing is increasing the other posters distress really obviously. That tells me a lot.

Please Whirlpool don't let this thread destroy your peace of mind. .

No I didn't miss the review or the restructure but I have missed the fact that anything has improved the service and parents' perception of it sharon.

Miscellaneous makes a very good point and you didn't answer either of my earlier questions either - but then again my HV didn't answer any of my questions either. Can we have a brick wall emoticon please.

Anyway, I thought you were going to Waitrose

I'm sorry if it's upset whirlpool and I did say that. However I said what I said in the context of why the hv acted the way she did. I don't see why that makes me the bad guy.
I have also stated I suffered terrible PND after my daughter and how bad I feel and guilty now knowing what I do but we do our best at the time.

Actually duplodon speaks a lot of sense. Sharon, you're ignoring entirely all of the protective factors that may exist in a child's life that will mitigate against some of the more adverse ones - supportive partner or family around the Mum. We see all the time Mums experiencing some anxiety or depression who are very well able to meet the needs of their child, and respond well to medication or therapy over time. Your posts are causing unnecessary distress

Whirlpool I've pm'd you

You might want to read the report on service users perceptions of the hv service by donetto et al then Beaufort.
People will always be unhappy with certain aspects of care or health but it really does seem to be a disproportionate amount of people on MN hate health visitors. You can't please everyone but I'm happy I work well with my families and have had good feedback to that effect.

No I didn't discuss the mitigating factors and protective factors. That's because my comment was
Simply to justify why the hv did what she did and it was taken out of context.

It's strange but I always start of supportive of HV on these type of threads then I spot one in the wild and it just reinforces the other point of view.

I'd be irritated too. But with that in mind, I didn't go to the 2 year checks for either of my children. We got a letter reminding us, which I never followed up on. I use the (wonderful) NHS when I need it. I don't invite them in to my life when they are not needed.

I'm sure many parents are glad of the 2 year check as it's a great time to go through your anxieties etc., so I'm glad it's offered, but it's not obligatory.

I've just had a quick google of that report. It's based on interviews with 44 families in two areas. Apart from that is largely a review of existing literature. OMG! I'll read it more thoroughly later. Is this the sort of evidence based research HVs share with parents when providing clinical/social advice?

Anyone here going on about HCPs being out to get you, comparing them to army torturers, callung then little Hitlers etc......thats all a pretty big red flag that you do need some intervention. Paranoia and a persecution complex are exactly why you need some serious attention.....

I knew you'd dismiss it Beaufort. Standard. People tend to do that if they don't like the outcome.
Enjoy your day

*I'm not dismissing it, I'm pointing out it's based on a very small sample and is therefore not reliably representative. As a professions healthcare practitioner I'd expect you to be mindful of the veracity of such research. Presumably you remember MMR and why Wakefield's research was inadequate and disputed?

This is an Internet chat forum. No one poster is responsible for the mental health of another.

It's not Sharon's fault that Whirlpool is distressed by what she's reading. Every board has a disclaimer on the top of it that people need to remember; nothing you read on here should be taken as absolute fact and truth.

It's normal for qualitative research to be carried out on a much smaller scale. Of course you can't use a very small sample for a quantitative study and call it a fact.

Whirlpool please don't let this add a burden of guilt and worry to you. It's so much more complex than what was said on here, and you hit the nail on the head when you say that it can't be true that such a certain 'fact' can be asserted without knowing anything about your situation, nature of your illness and how it presented, how you behaved and managed during and after, the bond you have with your children, how they responded to you and you to them on a daily basis, your partners role, extended family and friends, medical and therapy interventions... The list is endless.

Brains, particularly growing young brains, are amazing. They are forever growing, makkng connections, changing and building. They are also plastic - they don't have just one way of doing things, one route and if that can't happen, failure. They are amazing at creating pathways and working around imperfect biology and environment. They are resilient and adaptive - think of the huge, overwhelming amount of input our brains receive every minute of every day. And not all of that is perfect, or positive, or healthy. And our brains not only can survive in an imperfect world, they were designed for it. I'm not saying babies brain development will happen no matter what, there are many awful cases where a child is left with life long damage from an awful early start (the adoption boards are sadly full of the consequences of this). BUT, it's not about seeking perfection and one tiny thing wrong means failure and damage to our babies. That's where the concept of 'good enough parenting' comes in. You have to be 'good enough' not to damage development, but us humans, we are practical beings who have evolved in the real world not a lab or a text book, we are made to succeed wonderfully, in an imperfect world.

A good mother isn't a perfect mother, and very importantly, a good mother isn't a mother who's privileged enough to live in a perfect world, with perfect chances and perfect health. A good mother I s a brave woman who has survived what life has thrown at her, found chances and positives where she can, put her children first and strived to make things better for both herself and her children, using the support of her family and community.

If you can find yourself in there somewhere, I have a feeling you are doing pretty damn well.

Also, Duplo's posts are very clear on the damage can be done why such a belief, and I'm hoping you don't feel too shaken by this.

So yes to answer that patronising nugget I am perfectly 'mindful' about that kind of thing..

Miscellaneous I haven't claimed it isn't complex and impacted by multiple factors I simply said what I did as a reason for the hv to be concerned and have a professional conversation with GP to ascertain the bigger picture. You're like a dog with a bone trying to paint me as the villain here particularly when I've had my own mental health problems after having a child which I've pointed out time and time again and you've ignored....

But you have referred to it as representing overall perceptions. To do that the research has to be quantitative as well as qualitative. I'm not being patronising I'm trying to be factual. I'm going shopping now because this is beginning to make me as irritated as the OP was initially.

You claimed you hadn't heard any evidence of people thinking health visitors are useful. I directed you to some.