about HV reporting me to GP

[spectral]

I took DD to her 2-year development check last week. It was at 1pm, which I wasn't thrilled about as dd is normally asleep then and that's important work time for me, but I didn't have much faith in the possibility of rescheduling again, as we'd initially had a letter making an appointment for a date already in the past. I turned up on time with a completed copy of the development questionnaire and a very sleepy DD.

HV went through the questionnaire asking each question again, word-for-word. About five minutes in she said I seemed 'stressed' and asked why; I told her that DD really needed a sleep, that I really needed the time to work, and that I wasn't sure why I had bothered to fill out the questionnaire in advance if we were going to go through it again word-for-word. Appointment went a bit faster after that; I said that I would ask for help if I thought dd needed it, but that we had no concerns whatsoever about her development. HV agreed no concerns. DD didn't want to cooperate with being weighed and measured, but HV said she looked pretty 'in proportion' so it didn't really matter, and appointment ended by mutual agreement.

Six days later I get a phone call from DD's GP saying he's had an email from HV about me and is 'calling out of a duty of care to a child' -- so clearly not a friendly call just to check everything's ok. I told him about the conversation I had at HV appointment, explained again why I might have seemed stressed, but that that HV had not indicated to me that she might have grounds for passing anything on. I pressed him to say whether there was anything out of the ordinary going on, and he said no, and I decided to be honest with him and say that I was very unhappy (ok, I actually said furious) that HV had decided to report me to my daughter's GP.

I am utterly freaked out, though. I adore DD and do my best for her, as does DH, and I think we are doing ok. I did express a negative opinion about the way the appointment was organised, but I think that should be allowed! What on earth is going on?

Op, i would write to the Lead Health Visitor - i had problems with my ds's check - sending date for appointments when the date had gone then i wouldn't hear from them - i made a complaint to the Lead HV and she was lovely. Don't worry about it though x

I would ask for copies of all notes which Should include the hv referral.

The HV was doing her job!

I suffer from severe anxiety and can get pretty bloody stressed. But even i can manage not to be rude if an appointment is taking longer than I'd like. The fact that the OP wasn't able to do this would surely be enough to raise a concern.

The two scenarios being :
Rude person who considers her time more important than others.

Stressed person not coping with something who may or may not need external support

I was quite sharp and ratty with a community midwife who was badgering me about contraception days after the birth of my second. Ten minutes after she left I received a phone call for the health visitor to arrange a visit, and I'm in no doubt that the midwife had contacted her.

But I appreciated why. I was annoyed at the midwive's persistence over a subject I was happy with but it could easily have been masking other issues. I would far rather health professionals take those steps than ignore them for fear of annoying people.

Op, it sounds like you were annoyed about the appointment regardless.

No 2 or 2.5 year checks around here.

Op I know it's upsetting but hopefully it won't go any further. I'd leave well alone, these people can make a lot of trouble for you. Keep quiet and keep your head down is my strong advice.

I think the OP's getting too hard a time here.

A letter had already been received about an appointment in the past. This was inefficient and made the OP look potentially unreliable when she didn't attend. it will be noted in the notes that she failed to attend.

Another appointment was sent enclosing a form to be completed. The HV then asked all the answers to be confirmed at the appointment. Why? Did she not feel the mother could properly read and write? That was very disempowering I think.

I can understand why the 1pm appointment wasn't changed to be honest but the inefficiency of the previous service led to the OP being irritated. She was entitled to be irritated and entitled to point out why - how else can a service possibly improve. It is important for professionals to receive and reflect on feedback and also as professionals they should be making their service as customer friendly and accessible as possible.

The HV service is not mandatory and this needs to be explained to every parent who receives it. The opaqueness around it is very misleading and no HV or other HCP should ever infer that anything about the HV service is mandatory.

The GP should have apologised and should be investigating why this was referred to him and why his time was wasted. He should also be looking at the HV contract for services and ensuring that SLA over appointments, etc., are being met.

If I were the OP I would write a very polite letter to the local Trust which is responsible for the HV service setting out your concerns, requesting an investigation into the HVs concerns and why they were raised and a copy of your notes. You are entitled to this.

Ffs everytime I see a thread about hv my heart sinks and quite rightly so. And the funny thing is people who brand us useless and haven't got a clue tend to trot out the most nonsense.
Of course you being stressed and agitated is related to your DDs development- stress and anxiety has been known to hinder the developing brain but also if you appeared like that at a short visit how are they to know what you are coping like on a daily basis? Maternal well being is also an important part of health visiting as is child development but like always we just can't get it right. Ignore it and we are crap and miss opportunities. Follow it up and we are mini hitlers trying to interfere with family life. I really do despair

If it's such an important check, should I be concerned that my HV dropped us like a stone when DS was 12 weeks old and hasn't made contact since? He's 3.5 now.

Respect is a two way street. If any HCP isn't treating the OP and her time with respect, why is it assumed she should have respect for them and theirs? Why ask people to fill in a form if you're going to ask for all the information again, for example? Why is it rudeness from the OP, but 'just doing her job' from the HV?

The referral without discussing with/informing the OP is also massively undermining of trust, as demonstrated here.

Op was stressed, like any other parent, she was not abusive to her child, she did not beat or hit her child, and was not nasty to her child from what I gather. She might have been a bit impatient and mabey a bit short, for all HV could have known that her mum might have died that morning who knows. Totally uneccessary. You do not have to have anything to do with HV, if you have concerns, go to your GP.

I would have thought that the main purpose of the form is to fill it out at your leisure and when you have time to think about it, rather than be put on the spot during the appointment? Especially if you are stressed out!

And then HV and parent can go through the form and discuss any issues.

Imagine living somewhere where there was no-one other than you to look out for your child. Things that might be missed - before it is too late.

The post is all about you - and how you get a "black mark", (this isn't school), how you are too busy, how you are pissed off.

For your DD it is an opportunity just to be seen by a professional who can check she is ok.

My HV picked up a serious hearing problem with my DS. I was sure he was fine - just shy. Thank goodness they did.

She also referred him for SALT and a professional noticed a developmental problem that I, and all my "mother friends" though was "just how he was".

They are trained to pick up on signs of parents and babies who might need a bit of help. Work with them for your DDs sake. We are lucky to have them.

sharon can I just ask please, do you think it right that the OP was sent a letter after an appointment and this shouldn't be queried? Do you also think it's good practice to send parents a questionnaire for them to fill out in advance and then go through it and ask them all the questions again? What bit of respectful applies here and why wouldn't you expect a client to start getting irritated when they feel thoroughly messed about? That's not criticising HVs, rather what represents acceptable service standards and I'd be interested to know if you think those things were acceptable because I'm afraid I don't.

sorry - "thought" that's just how he was.

A bit of stress on the part of a parent hinders the child brain development?

I had heard that a lot of stress when pg might have an effect. Not that a bit of stress when the child is a toddler could cause issues.

Many people have problems when their children ate small, surely they aren't all giving their children brain damage? I'm a bit taken aback by that. Loads of women have pnd, loads of parents generally are a bit stressed. This is normal, surely, not a concern unless they are really quite ill indeed, or not coping.

The questionnaire thing is standard - interviews, cvs, finance forms - fill out at your leisure and go through one by one.

I applied for a business bank account two weeks ago - and we did exactly that.

Home visitors can be varied in how good they are. Write a letter of complaint about the fact that she did not indicate any concerns. Being or appearing stressed is not sufficient grounds for a concern to GP. I had a home visitor who really patronised me. I did put her right and imagine her embarrassment some 18 months later when she turned up for a meeting and met me in my professional capacity. Red cheeks for her.

Sending copies of questionnaires and things in advance makes perfect sense to me. You can look at it at your leisure have a good think about things. Then talk through it all with the HV at the appointment to check nothing has been missed or needs look at more closely

The contents of this thread confirm that my acitons in having no involvement with health visitors at all with either of my children was the correct thing to do! I'm a bit prone to getting stressed out by incomepetent services too and I generally find I feel much better once I've written a robust letter of complaint about anyone who has totally got up my nose.

If HV's are disrespectful I don't see why parents should refrain from being a bit arsy? Mine was disempowering, rude, unhelpful and incompetent - she couldn't even complete the red book with the correct details. She didn't keep appointments, she thought she could instruct rather than share information. Of course I got arsy and asked for some explanations. If I don't do my job properly then I expect to be called out over it and my boss would wipe the floor with me if ever I was rude to a client, kept them waiting, gave incorrect information or was generally unhelpful. I don't understand why the same standards don't apply to HVs. I also don't understand why every mother is not told that it is obligatory to offer the service but not to receive it.

I'd have happily received it if my HV had been polite, respectful and helpful. She wasn't so I wrote to the Trust and notified them of the reasons why I didn't wish anything further to do with the HV service. They apologised and introduced some new protocols.

Sending copies of questionnaires and things in advance makes perfect sense to me. You can look at it at your leisure have a good think about things. Then talk through it all with the HV at the appointment to check nothing has been missed or needs look at more closely

Then it would be good practice to communicate this from the outset, so that people don't waste their time giving full answers to the questions in advance, only to repeat verbatim at the appointment wondering why on earth they bothered filling in the paperwork.

Nickers - my question was about whether, if this check is so vital as some have said, I should be concerned that my HV showed zero interest in running it with my DS? She hadn't seen him since he was three months old, how does she know he hasn't 'fallen through the cracks'?

TBH op you sound pretty horrible.

How exactly was it the HV fault that you had a work deadline and DC needed a nap? She was doing her job FGS.

And as for telling the GP you were furious, if this is the type of situatuon you usually get furious about then the HV was probably quite right to refer you as you don't seem to be able to cope very well with normal everyday situations (like a routine HV appointment?? )

As for the questions, they probably give them to mothers in advance so they're not caught of guard during the app and have had time to think through answers. Loads of people walk out of apps thinking about stuff they had meant to mention. Hardly a reason to be furious is it?

I bet you're one of those people who get enraged and upset when one of those stories comes out about kids who have been failed by the system and suffered neglect/ abuse by it. And then they get complaints when they do pass on red flags/ concerns?! They can't bloody win!

As the daughter of a very drained social worker your post makes me so angry.

I never said a bit of stress can hinder development. The hv has just a snapshot based on the OP's behaviour observed at the appointment. She could be like that or worse all the time or it could be a total one off. But the hv wouldn't be doing her job if she felt concerned and didn't follow it up