To want to scream in the face of those who say "he/she had a MELTDOWN"

[Skeeter3]

Just no, ok!?

The frequent current misconception that even a big tantrum is in any way comparable to an actual meltdown REALLY boils my piss!!!!!

Yes tantrums can be unpleasant and distressing for all parties BUT they're still not meltdowns.

It demeans those that are dealing with medically defined meltdowns.

The more the word is used to describe a normal childhood tantrum, the less people understand or are tolerant when a child does suffer a meltdown.

If you're guilty of this JUST STOP DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes there are tantrums when toddlers don't get what they want but there are also those early years tantrums (meltdowns) when it is not about anything but it is a sensory overload and the whole system seems to shut down. That's why I mentioned the rage about shutting the dishwasher wrong - it's not something they particularly care about but it triggers something overwhelming in the child.

I saw a mum in the shop the other day with a toddler having what I would call a meltdown. I don't know what triggered it (and I don't know if he was NT or not) but what was clear was that he was not present. He was absent and just immersed in his explosion - screaming, raging, covered in snot. Mum was trying to reason with him and I thought it was pointless because he was not reachable. I think the only thing to do there is let it burn itself out but she was desperately trying to manage it because it was in a public place.

I'm sure that's not the same as an autistic version but it certainly involves sensory overload, a complete loss of control and a disappearance of any cognitive functions that would help a carer to talk a child out of it. I'm totally fine with calling that a meltdown.

Yabu and ridiculous. In rl people will continue to use it whether you like it or not.

You appear to be having some sort of a meltdown

'these are not the same as tantrums so being able to define them as different is important'

True.

The argument isn't with people who use the word meltdown to mean extreme tantrum though, it's with the medical profession who 'stole' the word meltdown to describe a specific type of behaviour.

Meltdown was in general usage FIRST.

If you want a word or term that specifically describes the behaviour of people with ASD then you need to make your own. You can't steal a word from popular usage and then get cross because everyone doesn't immediately stop using that word as they have been doing.

(We've had this exact thread before btw. It was unreasonable then as well).

While I have sympathy for your situation (my younger brother has a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD) you are looking for an outlet for stress. This is not it, the use of the word meltdown is not offensive and even people with experience of ASD are often not aware of the use of it medically.

Have a cup of tea and move on.

What Badtime said. Unless your child is part of a nuclear installation and process, stop using the term 'meltdown' yourself.

I think you're misunderstanding how language evolves. Meltdown is a dead metaphor, coming from nuclear meltdown. It may have evolved to be used to describe an autistic meltdown, but it has simultaneously and much more widely evolved to be used to describe a general tantrum. The usage for autistic meltdowns didn't precede the broader usage, so doesn't have any priority for usage. You are quite unlikely to successfully co-opt the term for your preferred usage at this stage.

I'm new so should have probably searched before posting, saved everyone from my "ranting and raving".

I loved that post Solomondaisy, very concise.

Poor you Skeeter - the first rule of AIBU is that you are being unreasonable!

It's pretty brutal.
I'd avoid using it again, especially to do with a subject that is so raw.

Hope you are ok.

YABVVU Who put you in charge of the English language? How come YOUR definition of a word trumps everyone else's?

YABU and I say that as the mum of a child who had complete meltdowns from 2-3.5. They were def not just toddler tantrums about not getting his own way. They were full blown sensory overloads where on a couple of occasions he passed out on the floor because his brain had gone into such overdrive that it could only cope by shutting down and sleeping it off. There was absolutely no reaching him when he was in one as he was completely beyond any rational thought or ability to listen and reason.

Some toddlers do just have tantrums but other non SEN young children do have full blown sensory meltdowns, they just eventually grow out of them.

Well I shall have to concede that I am in fact BU, (I will however continue to silently seethe when people use it to describe a 2 minute whinge about not getting a biscuit, as is my prerogative).

As a matter of interest, how did the other posts end?

Same as this one.

As a matter of interest, how did the other posts end?

In a meltdown, usually.

Good sport skeeter

Aibu isn't much fun sometimes, especially when it's about a serious subject that effects your life.

Silently seething is fine op I'd just try to avoid screaming in people's faces

I've got way bigger fish to fry than to get upset by some people on t'internet who some to not grasp the concept that you don't get to leave your morals, manners and conscience at the door as soon as you start typing.

I have OCD and when I got my diagnosis I felt much as you do, but I was at that time very over identified with the diagnosis. I was OCD in my own mind at that time, now it's just a condition that I experienced and have a propensity towards experiencing when highly stressed.

In the same way, I know many people object to anxiety being normalised, as though no one who hasn't has a full blown anxiety disorder knows what anxiety feels like, when whether we like it or not, it's a universal human experience.

I can't know what it's like to have autism and meltdown but I have had a few periods in my life where I have experienced incredibly intense, all-encompassing, terrifying, squeezing, condensing, screaming stress where I cannot function or see straight. I bet many people have, and no one knows or can ever know how this internal experience compares to an autistic meltdown as we just can't compare private events adequately.

op your situation with your DD sounds very stressful .

However, I think YAB a bit U.

You describe a meltdown as an all out loss of any sense of self and situation - to me that is exactly what is happening to a toddler / preschooler when they have a tantrum/meltdown/whatever you want to call it.

And to say you want to scream in the face of someone who uses the word meltdown for someone who is nt - YABVU.

Skeeter- AIBUs remind me of the scene I watched in Daredevil last night where someone was beat up but all and sundry. And even after he was obviously severely maimed, the punches just kept on coming and coming.

That is AIBU.
The fact that you've agreed that you've been unreasonable will not stop several pages of written punches saying "FFS YABU!!!"

NT toddlers have "uncontrollable emotional outbursts" too.

No-one's trademarked the word. It's fair game. And entirely accurate.

Seeing as this has come up before maybe it's time we coined a new word? I can't think of a good one right now but maybe I'll have one by the time it comes up again in a week or two.

I suspect you are dealing with a lot more than language here, suggest you go to boards where you'll get real and practical support for what you're dealing with.

While I understand you are frustrated, this is a combative environment; your initial post came across as incorrectly pedantic and hectoring and the majority if oysters think YABU.

Hope you get some support.