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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to scream in the face of those who say "he/she had a MELTDOWN"

345 replies

Skeeter3 · 01/05/2015 13:19

Just no, ok!?

The frequent current misconception that even a big tantrum is in any way comparable to an actual meltdown REALLY boils my piss!!!!!

Yes tantrums can be unpleasant and distressing for all parties BUT they're still not meltdowns.

It demeans those that are dealing with medically defined meltdowns.

The more the word is used to describe a normal childhood tantrum, the less people understand or are tolerant when a child does suffer a meltdown.

If you're guilty of this JUST STOP DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
UncleT · 01/05/2015 14:09

What a complete load of rubbish. YABU, and totally ridiculous.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 01/05/2015 14:09

I agree with OP, my kids don't have "meltdowns" - they have temper tantrums, I see a lot of people using the term and think they are trying to rationalise their kid being an arse. Kids who really suffer with "meltdowns" such as autism sufferers, that's a whole different ball game.

Preminstreltension · 01/05/2015 14:10

Actually I think a two year old raging inconsolably about an icecream or about the way you shut the dishwasher has indeed lost all connection with self or situation.

I think everyone understands your general point - but making it using this word is not helping you.

UncleT · 01/05/2015 14:10

What a complete load of rubbish. YABU, and totally ridiculous.

nickersinaknot · 01/05/2015 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemonyone · 01/05/2015 14:11

Just realised it was your post above which described your DD and how she is during a 'meltdown'. That must be incredibly frightening for both of you. I hope you are getting some help with this, although I suspect it isn't enough if you are. (It never is with a a long term medical problem, is it?)

I don't think 99% of the population would have any idea that 'meltdown' has been considered a medical term. It just seems synonymous with tantrum. No malice meant at all.
That is what differentiates it from (Gulp) a horrible word like Spaz, or retard (can't believe I just typed it).

PurpleSwift · 01/05/2015 14:11

YABU

badtime · 01/05/2015 14:11

But each meaning is valid, as meltdown is not a technical term!

MyIronLung · 01/05/2015 14:11

But it's been pointed out that you can make a distinction. Someone up thread suggested that you use the term autistic meltdown.

Obviously I don't know what diagnosis your dd has but that would be a way of you being able to make a distinction so her meltdowns aren't dismissed as just another tantruming kid.

piedpiper4 · 01/05/2015 14:11

Boys clothes I've tried to define it as a concept that was explained to me by hcp when they helped me understand what my child goes through. They were very clear that there is a difference between meltdowns and tantrums. At this point I used the word tantrum to describe dd's behaviour, and it was them who asked me to differentiate between the two. I'm not saying that the term can't be used. I'm trying to say that in my experience the term meltdown is now being used very specifically to describe a particular reaction. I should also add that dd is not on the spectrum, so any child can have a meltdown.

Boysclothes · 01/05/2015 14:12

I don't want to bang on but "an all out loss of any sense of self" etc is YOUR definition. You made it up, perhaps joining in with other people who care for those with autism. That's great, it's how language evolves, but to invent a definition for something and then get cross when others don't fall in (especially when your invented definition hasn't even made it into the dictionary) is just Big Brother ish and groupthinky and annoying and even sometimes dangerous (not in this situation).

MerdeAlor · 01/05/2015 14:13

Skeeter I feel your frustration. This isn't a sympathetic place to post about it though.

People who are familiar with ASD understand that the word 'Meltdown' is given to a certain type of overwhelmed behaviour. It is different from a tantrum, but it is a word adapted from a more general meaning.

MoustacheofRonSwanson · 01/05/2015 14:16

Why? They will just ask you if you are having a meltdown.

HappinessHappening · 01/05/2015 14:16

YABU

you can't decide for yourself what a word means and then police it

Meltdown is not a medical word or a technical definition, no one has 'stolen' it or is using it inappropriately

It is a descriptive word and it is a very accurate way to describe what happens to a child with asd when they feel out of control but that is far from being its only meaning

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 01/05/2015 14:19

YABU.

The use of the word meltdown in your situation (for children with autism, ASD or other conditions) has evolved from an everyday meaning of the word.

You can't get cross when people still use it in its everyday sense.

It isn't like OCD where people have 'borrowed' a diagnosis are hyperbole.

TheSweeper · 01/05/2015 14:19

I don't want to bang on but "an all out loss of any sense of self" etc is YOUR definition. You made it up, perhaps joining in with other people who care for those with autism. That's great, it's how language evolves, but to invent a definition for something and then get cross when others don't fall in (especially when your invented definition hasn't even made it into the dictionary) is just Big Brother ish and groupthinky and annoying and even sometimes dangerous (not in this situation).

^
|
This.

Original poster
Skeeter3 · 01/05/2015 14:20

Well you wouldn't use the word autistic unless the person you're describing actually has autism (I would hope) nt people can have meltdowns as well, these are not the same as tantrums so being able to define them as different is important but when others take away the value of a true meltdown the distinction is blurred.

OP posts:
IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 01/05/2015 14:20

I think you're being really pedantic.

Do you go off on one when people say they're "Starving" or "Dying" for something?

Chill - don't have a meltdown....

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 01/05/2015 14:21

What is a 'true meltdown'? There isn't an accepted widespread definition.

You can't just take a word, decide it has a very technical meaning and then get pissed off when other people don't use it as a technical term.

Original poster
Skeeter3 · 01/05/2015 14:24

I'm fine with people disagreeing with me, this is really in the grand scheme of things, a frustration or irritation.

I do however chose to remember that the words on the screen belong to me and I am therefore responsible for the impact they might have, wether positive or negative. So I'll refrain from making personal or hurtful comments. Something that some others might like to consider.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 01/05/2015 14:24

Based on this, my oldest DD has most definitely had meltdowns in her time.

Not to mention the hourly tantrumsSmile

No1warnedme · 01/05/2015 14:26

My dd (2.9) has tantrums, she also has meltdowns. In my eyes, there is a difference and each parent knows their own child well enough to use whichever word fits the situation. After all, it's just linguistics Wink

FenellaFellorick · 01/05/2015 14:27

I understand. I have felt the same way. When I've been coping with one of my two children with autism and they are in total overload it's nothing like a toddler tantrum. Nothing at all. I used to get really angry with people who used meltdown when they meant their toddler was chucking themselves about because they didn't get a biscuit and if they got the biscuit, they'd stop yelling and be happy about it. Grin

I mean, I don't know if the reason it bothers you is the same reason it used to bother me, but when I thought about it, I realised that I felt angry because it felt like by calling a tantrum a meltdown, the true autistic meltdown/overload and the severity of it and by extension the impact of autism was somehow being diminished and reduced to 'just' a tantrum with no recognition to what autism actually is. (I say that's how I felt, I do not say how I felt was reasonable or rational, just that it was how I felt)

But I came to feel that it isn't true.

People who use meltdown to describe a tantrum don't think the two are the same at all. People know that a 3 year old screaming in the street because they want to go to the park is in no way anything like an 11 year old hitting their head on the floor so hard they knock themselves out, or an 8 yr old running in the path of a car because they have lost all ability to keep themselves safe, etc etc.

I try now to use sensory overload rather than meltdown, because it's a more accurate description of what's happening.

MiaowTheCat · 01/05/2015 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slithytove · 01/05/2015 14:30

This thread has been done a few times and ends up the same way.

Yabu op.