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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to scream in the face of those who say "he/she had a MELTDOWN"

345 replies

Skeeter3 · 01/05/2015 13:19

Just no, ok!?

The frequent current misconception that even a big tantrum is in any way comparable to an actual meltdown REALLY boils my piss!!!!!

Yes tantrums can be unpleasant and distressing for all parties BUT they're still not meltdowns.

It demeans those that are dealing with medically defined meltdowns.

The more the word is used to describe a normal childhood tantrum, the less people understand or are tolerant when a child does suffer a meltdown.

If you're guilty of this JUST STOP DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Rjae · 02/05/2015 10:09

An autistic meldown/crisis is not disabling, as in causing the disability. The autism is Confused The breakdown is a symptom.

And I have read the fing thread.

Tizwailor · 02/05/2015 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charis1 · 02/05/2015 10:14

Skeeter is the one perpetuating ignorance and attempting to enforce control over the rest of the population.

Autistic children are very much like everyone else in very many ways! the really are not a different species, you know.

catsrus · 02/05/2015 10:15

The word meltdown when applied to emotional behaviour is being used in an analogous way. A meltdown of a nuclear reactor is an irreversible, literal, melting of the core. This process once started can't be reversed. The consequences are catastrophic.

Using the phrase to describe any type of behaviour which eventually reverses. (I.e. From which a person returns to their normal state) is to use the phrase as an analogy and not a very accurate one - because it's an analogy not a literal description. If meltdown were being used as a literal description of a human behaviour then it should only be used in cases where there really is a permanent catastrophic outcome.

But that's not how language works, yabu in wanting to take a commonly used and well understood analogy and giving it a NEW literal meaning. It literally does not mean what you are claiming for it.

Mypubesarestraight · 02/05/2015 10:21

Yabu.

GlitterTwinkleToes · 02/05/2015 10:29

YABU

When my DD broke my nose from head butting me, has caused me physically brusies on numerous occasions, she is having a "meltdown" not a temper tantrum.

Btw she's 14 months old! It's not a normal learning curve she's going through, she's angry and frustrated and can't control her emotions that is a meltdown in my eyes not a bloody temper tantrum

Silvercatowner · 02/05/2015 10:30

You'd need a VERY good excuse for me not to be phoning 999 if you screamed in my face.

Tizwailor · 02/05/2015 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charis1 · 02/05/2015 10:37

Tiwailer, I've had all the noraml government and other agencies training, but as I'm sure you know, there is no overall definition of autitic, or typical autistic child, or agreement of how to support or educated autistic children.

The training available can give you ideas, but, for example, the local authority teacher training on autism included the instruction to ignore advice from the autistic society, this is fairly typical!

But I have decades of experience. That is how you learn, more than training.

PeachyPants · 02/05/2015 10:43

Oh get over yourself Tizwailor, Charis isn't undermining anyone's extreme discomfort just patiently pointing out that younger, NT children can have highly distressing and overwhelming episodes too.

TwoOddSocks · 02/05/2015 10:47

Saying that NT children can have meltdowns still differentiates the use of the word meltdown from tantrum though. I've described my DS as having a meltdowns which I now realise was largely due to low blood sugar and tantrums but I would definitely distinguish between the two. There's a difference between using the word in a less extreme context and misusing it. A tantrum is distinct from a meltdown.

SunnyBaudelaire · 02/05/2015 10:50

YABU it is just a word - not aware it had a medical definition.
Get over yourself!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/05/2015 11:12

She admitted ages ago she was BU.

So people should read the thread before wading in being bitchy.

MrsDeVere · 02/05/2015 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lambsie · 02/05/2015 11:21

I have more of a problem with people calling a meltdown a tanteum than the other way around. When ds is biting and scratching himself till he bleeds and attacking anyone around him because of a particular noise or because he is in pain, he is not having a tantrum.

Original poster
Skeeter3 · 02/05/2015 11:21

I'm amazed that so many people appear to think I have a horse!?

It's a unicorn, please get it right, I'm very pedantic with words, incase you hadn't noticed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skeeter3 · 02/05/2015 11:23

Charis, I try to pick up my 2 year old whilst in an episode one if us is ending up injured and potentially in A&E.

OP posts:
Charis1 · 02/05/2015 11:25

Well I can pick up a two year old having an "episode", not sure what your point is.

Original poster
Skeeter3 · 02/05/2015 11:30

That picking up a tantruming 2 year old is easier than picking up a 2 year old in emotional dis regulation, due to the risk of injury. (I think, I've had 1.5hrs sleep and I think my brain may have imploded)

OP posts:
Original poster
Skeeter3 · 02/05/2015 11:33

Duplo I've stolen your word (and spelt it wrong) I hope that's ok, cause it's freaking amazing!!!!

Though I am concerned I may appear somewhat wanky using it to the general masses. Kind of makes me think of discombobulation.

OP posts:
TheListingAttic · 02/05/2015 11:36

OP: AIBU?
MN: YABU!
OP: Well, I think I have a valid point but I concede I'm not totally in the right here.
MN:

PeachyPants · 02/05/2015 11:39

TheListingAttic but threads take on a life of their own with many contributors giving their views, they're not merely a dialogue with the OP.

SaucyJack · 02/05/2015 11:45

Just so you know.... emotional dysregulation disorder is actually a clinical term for BPD.

So you can't claim that one either Wink

Original poster
Skeeter3 · 02/05/2015 11:46

Oh ffs, can't I have ANYTHING!!!!!

OP posts:
HagOtheNorth · 02/05/2015 11:49

'Well I can pick up a two year old having an "episode", not sure what your point is.'

I'll try and explain. Like you, I'm a teacher, physically fit and well able to physically manage a 2 year old in a tantrum.
The difficulty with DS when he had a meltdown was that all the restrictions were off, and he was capable of intense strength, unfettered by any conscious thoughts even at 2.
I went on a training course when he was 10, because I knew that if he had a meltdown I could control him, but without training I'd have had to risk crippling him.
He had a meltdown in school when he was 11, and it wasn't handled well. It took a very fit, adult male teacher and two large Y11 pupils to even begin to contain him and they were all terrified.
When my DS used to go into meltdown, he couldn't hear or articulate, had no sense of self-preservation or awareness of consequences. He no longer appeared sentient.
He's come an immensely long way since those days, hasn't had a meltdown for 7 or 8 years. He's articulate, calm and knows how to be proactive in a positive sense when possible triggers loom.
Very good control over his temper too and is known for his reasonableness.
But I remember.