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AIBU?

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Original poster

Interfering or nice gesture

139 replies

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 11:56

My lovely stbdil and ds are away and I am feeding the grand catsSmile. Me and dil get on very well, she's fabulous. Now there's a huge pile of ironing and a board set up in the spare room. All doors open not peeping! Not to put it away just to hang up.

Would love to do it for her, ds does the cooking, just to help her out.

Now would that be interfering? Or a nice gesture? Do not want in any way to offend her. Her own dm is dead so we are probably over compensating to take care of her. I would do this for my dds in a heartbeat but what do you think?

OP posts:
happygirl87 · 29/04/2015 11:59

Personally, as a DIL, I would love it, provided that a) you haven't previously commented on my being too "busy" to do enough around the house, b) you are SURE I haven't paid e.g my cleaner to do it later in the week, and c) there are no risqué garments in the pile- if there are Id rather we both pretended you hadn't seen them Grinm
You sound lovely Flowers

Princessbb1 · 29/04/2015 11:59

This is something my MIL would do for me and we get on very well, I say do it. I wouldn't go through any drawers to put it away but to hang it all up is a lovely gesture IMO.

KidLorneRoll · 29/04/2015 12:00

If my mil were to do my washing or indeed ironing, I'd be a bit weirded out, to be honest.

MyCatIsAGit · 29/04/2015 12:01

We came back from holiday once when my lovely in laws had been feeding the cats, to find they had tidied and cleaned (the in laws not the cats).

I rather suspect to hide the fact that my husband's kids had had a mega party while we were away (fume) but I was so grateful. When I told other friends there was a fairly equal division between 'God that's great!' and 'really? didn't you mind'.

However I could absolutely tell who was going to give me which reaction. And the ones who got on really well with their in laws were really happy, the ones with 'issues' thought it was shocking and crossing a line.

So, if you have a good relationship, will be able to say I hope you don't mind, and don't snoop! Then go for it.

Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 12:02

Wow was expecting to be told am interfering. That's great. No wouldn't go into drawers etc. Grin

OP posts:
DoraGora · 29/04/2015 12:02

I don't think there's any law against doing somebody's ironing. If you've got their key, then your judgement is clearly in favour. Could you please come and do mine, when you're finished.

chlo95 · 29/04/2015 12:02

My DP is useless at ironing and if his mum comes over (not very often because we live about an hour away and she doesn't drive so we normally go there) she will do his ironing and often mine too. Never when I've been in because I'd protest (only out of politeness). But I'd never complain about it, it's a massive favour ??

TheSpottedZebra · 29/04/2015 12:03

See, I'd hate it. It'd feel like an interference or a dig at my poor housekeeping.

But you sound very nice to think of doing it, and to consider how she'd take it! And to make it clear that it's not just hers as she's the female, IYSWIM.

Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 12:03

Yes definatly the whole relationship matters. My mil was ace.

Can see your point MyCat

OP posts:
YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 29/04/2015 12:03

My MIL is pretty interfering and thinks it's disgusting that DH irons his own work shirts, but id still be happy if she did all our ironing! One less job for us (and our ironing pile is never ending Smile)

yolofish · 29/04/2015 12:04

I think nice gesture, but I would leave a note where they will find it when they come through the door saying something along the lines of "grandcats all well, post on the table, and I hope you dont mind but I've done the ironing - thought it would be one less chore to greet you on your return, hope you've had a lovely time, lots of love Mum/MIL"

hobNong · 29/04/2015 12:05

Lovely gesture. I wouldnt like them to be put away into my drawers though.

SnotQueen · 29/04/2015 12:05

My MIL did this for me - she ended up washing and attempting to iron paper pants I had forgotten to throw away after a spray tan. Blush

You know her best - I was a bit embarrassed myself but got over it as it saved me a hell of a job.

Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 12:06

Dora Grin

OP posts:
LittleRedDinosaur · 29/04/2015 12:06

Oh, I'd not like it..... I'd be aware that feeling like that is daft but I wouldn't like it. I'd be thankful but inwardly resentful. Which is awful and I'd give myself a telling off but honestly wouldn't like it (have now realised I'm a horrid DIL and will try to remedy this!)

ApprenticeViper · 29/04/2015 12:07

If you're sure stbDIL wouldn't take it as a criticism of her not having done the ironing, then I'd say knock yourself out Smile You sound lovely Flowers

And when you're done, please could you come and do mine? Grin

Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 12:09

yolofish that's a good idea.

Ok will do it. And leave a wine in the fridge just in case too! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 12:12

Oh bugger littlered now torn. Shock

OP posts:
Koalafications · 29/04/2015 12:12

I wouldn't like it but then I wouldn't even consider giving my MIL & FIL a key. If my DM did it I would be thrilled. I suppose it depends on your relationship

londonrach · 29/04/2015 12:13

I wrote a post about a year ago about my mil winner of best mil 2013. We moved flats then went on holiday the next day (been through hell before with deaths and cancer within the family so very stressed and really needed the holiday). As was being dragged out of door by dh (taking train to go on holiday) i handed mil my keys looked at the boxes and just said any chance you could unpack abit to just make it look homely. She smiled, kissed us both, said told us to have a lovely holiday.

Came back from a relaxing holiday to a home. My fav bits had been put out and boxes unpacked. Everything had been put away, the whole flat was clean and best of all the fridge and freezer were full. Cant tell you how amazing it was. Dh phoned mil up whilst i was walking around flat getting excited seeing bits that been in storage out. She even bought two new natural coloured rugs and heard me excitedly going new rugs, arent they lovely. However my mil known me well and privatly admitted later she worried she done too much with the rugs. If your dil wont mine id say go for it. Sounds like you a lovely mil. I hope your dil realises what a lovely mil you are.

My mil is my fav person to go shopping with although shes not well at the moment which is awful. I wish i coukd have her now as fit as she was 10 years ago.

nettlewine · 29/04/2015 12:16

Do it.

Working people are so busy these days and a little help is really appreciated.

londonrach · 29/04/2015 12:18

Also mil put my fav wine in fridge too! Basics like milk and bread good idea and maybe one quick meal for when they come in!

TSSDNCOP · 29/04/2015 12:18

If anyone at all wants to pop in and tidy my house, iron, garden, leave wine in my fridge I would absolutely not mind. I'd draw the line at opening cupboards and drawers but anything else, I say knock yourself out!

Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 12:18

london see that's how my mil was and that's how I want to be.

Your mil sounds fantastic. Grin

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 29/04/2015 12:19

Ahh coming in too late to this if you've decided, but I wouldn't like it.

At the end of the day, you were asked to feed the cats. And that's it. No matter how good the relationship, it would get my back up.

Think about it - if you had friends popping in to feed pets, they would NEVER do this. It simply wouldn't be seen as anything but odd, and a bit intrusive. What if halfway down the big pile of ironing are all the sexy undies?

The point is, if you really want to show respect for boundaries, apply that rule - would I do it if these people weren't related? Maybe you would! But most people would find it odd. And by doing it, you're saying, 'I know it would be weird if your friend Sheila did the ironing in your house like this, but I'm not just a friend, I'm closer and it's ok for ME to do it.' There's the slippery slope - you see yourself as a bit different and it's ok. My MIL wouldn't do this. And that's how I kind of know that she would also not take a sneaky peek in the drawers.

Of course, you ARE different as you're family - but acting with that similar level of respect and not assuming it's ok because it's you and it's your son's house would be what I would really appreciate.