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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Interfering or nice gesture

139 replies

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 11:56

My lovely stbdil and ds are away and I am feeding the grand cats. Me and dil get on very well, she's fabulous. Now there's a huge pile of ironing and a board set up in the spare room. All doors open not peeping! Not to put it away just to hang up.

Would love to do it for her, ds does the cooking, just to help her out.

Now would that be interfering? Or a nice gesture? Do not want in any way to offend her. Her own dm is dead so we are probably over compensating to take care of her. I would do this for my dds in a heartbeat but what do you think?

OP posts:

BellMcEnd · 29/04/2015 13:47

I would be UTTERLY DELIGHTED!! Please can you come over and do mine once you've finished? DCat would also be thrilled.

AuntieDee · 29/04/2015 13:52

It's nice to see this from the 'other side'. My exMIL used to come into my house and do my washing for me - but she did it in a controlling way. She used to rearrange my drawer contents as she believed bras should be at the top, knickers in the middle and socks at the bottom - I arranged by volume and the top drawer was little and didn't fit my hefty bras resulting in all the underwires getting bent. She had boundary issues and would pop round and walk into the bedroom if we were still asleep...

It's lovely that you are doing it in a supportive way and not making the DIL feel like she is lacking in her housekeeping standards :)

Enjoy your wine :)

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 13:53

hell the litter tray is upstairs in the bathroom as they are house cats. I don't pry either.

Thanks for the other replies as All lovely. In the midst of ironing and have happy grand cats purring.

OP posts:

BrieAndChilli · 29/04/2015 13:56

It really does depend on what your relationship is like.
I love having my MIL to stay as I will get up at 8am to find she's fed the 3 kids breakfast, cleared up, emptied the dishwasher, hung out the washing, folded clean washing and put on some more washing, hoovered, dressed the kids, made me a cup of tea!
SIL stayed on Saturday to look after the kids while we went away, she's only 24 but she seems to have inherited her mothers genes as she had hung out and folded up some washing as well as put some more on!

likalixer · 29/04/2015 13:57

I'm more disturbed that you call their pets your grandcats more than you want to do their ironing!

likalixer · 29/04/2015 13:57

About the ironing.
I would love it if someone did the ironing for me.

magimedi · 29/04/2015 14:00

Last time I stayed with my DIL I asked her if she would be offended if I vacumed etc whilst she was at work.

She thought I was bonkers to ask the question & told me I could do any housework I wanted to & she would be delighted!

Di you got for the waiter or the perfume, OP?

raisin · 29/04/2015 14:02

Ah, mil did a load of washing and ironing 'for me' when we went on holiday. Apparently she thought I'd left the washing basket out deliberately! Er no, 'twas merrly a sign of our collective pre-holiday disorganisation.

Anyway, she ruined an expensive pair of work trousers and 'weeded out' all my newly planted herbs.

Let's say I was not best pleased and she never did it again.

Why not ask? Does it have to be a surprise?

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 14:14

lika it's you know a just a joke and actually her phrase.

magim mmm waiting to see which she brings back.

Raisin yes have asked so all good

OP posts:

likalixer · 29/04/2015 14:15

Yes, I was just joking.

abigamarone · 29/04/2015 14:17

My ex mil would iron through any pile of washing left in sight, I appreciated it for the most part. I learned to remove any pairs of jeans though (ironed flat = okay, ironed with creases down the front = less so)

WellTidy · 29/04/2015 14:17

I can see that the thread has moved on, but I would have said right at the beginning that if you're happy to do it, then you should do it. I would be utterly delighted and incredibly grateful for the help if my MIL helped us round the house once in a while. But she doesn't offer and we don't ask and that is the way it has always been.

My own mum and dad help us a lot with practical stuff round the house and in the garden, and we areally appreciate it. They live 250 miles away though, so we don't see them as often as they and we would like. But when we do see them, they're so helpful and I am very grateful.

Enjoy the Spanish waiter

DeeWe · 29/04/2015 14:18

My MIL can be a bit judgemental on housework, but I wouldn't find that a problem, and would actually feel a lot pleased, and a little guilty that I hadn't done it.

The issue would be how you treated it afterwards, to me. "I hope you didn't mind, I did the ironing you left out becaue I thought you'd have enough washing when you got back to add to the pile" is fine.
"I always make sure I do all the ironing before I go away, so I come back with only the new washing to do" is not.

BinToHellAndBack · 29/04/2015 14:19

Just don't iron any underwear that happen to be in the laundry pile

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 29/04/2015 14:22

This would be fine by me, but I would be unutterably pissed off if my MIL said to me "I hope you don't mind I've done the ironing for you".

I don't iron. Dh irons. The implication that it was my job would annoy me.

But I have no objection to people cleaning my house

busyboysmum · 29/04/2015 14:25

I love my in laws. They would do something like this if I was away and I would be delighted and very grateful.

Pedestriana · 29/04/2015 14:35

That's a lovely gesture. I have a feeling my MIL would do something like this too, if we were away and she were taking care of the cat.

Did you opt for the waiter or the wine?

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 14:37

Hoping it's the wine of course.

Unless the waiter looks like Beckham and that's unlikely!

OP posts:

CactusAnnie · 29/04/2015 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 14:40

Fuckyou yes agree but do know she does ironing not ds. He cooks and cleans.

DeeWee I have more tact my love. Not Joey Maynard!

OP posts:

itsveryyou · 29/04/2015 14:43

You're so thoughtful! I think it all comes down to the fact that you clearly care about your family and want to help them out. You're not being critical or commenting on their standards of housework, as your gesture comes from a really kind place, which is all that matters. When we visit DH's mum, we do all the cooking and cleaning, even though we're on 'holiday' as she's on her own and we want to help her out while we're there.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/04/2015 14:43

I wish you were my MIL!

GoodArvo · 29/04/2015 14:46

I would hate it. It's intrusive and do you even know where all the clothes are kept? She could end up searching for her clothes.

I would never do that to someone else without a request and I would expect the same respect to be given to my property in my house.

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 14:47

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 29/04/2015 14:49

My mum sometimes tidies up when she is babysitting while it is nice she does it I do feel it's a bit of a reflection on my crap housekeeping skills that i can't even keep the floor swept!

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