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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Interfering or nice gesture

139 replies

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 11:56

My lovely stbdil and ds are away and I am feeding the grand cats. Me and dil get on very well, she's fabulous. Now there's a huge pile of ironing and a board set up in the spare room. All doors open not peeping! Not to put it away just to hang up.

Would love to do it for her, ds does the cooking, just to help her out.

Now would that be interfering? Or a nice gesture? Do not want in any way to offend her. Her own dm is dead so we are probably over compensating to take care of her. I would do this for my dds in a heartbeat but what do you think?

OP posts:

yolofish · 29/04/2015 23:33

oh I do love a happy ending! body it sounds as if you and your DIL have a totally fabulous relationship - all credit to you for raising such a lovely son to attract such a lovely DIL! and I LOVE the grandcats name.

OrangeVase · 29/04/2015 23:38

I wouldn't like it. I would feel judged and I'd feel uncomfortable that someone had dealt with my personal things.

I'd be happiest is someone didn't notice the ironing - or anything else except the cats.

OrangeVase · 29/04/2015 23:42

Sorry - I know your DiL was happy I just remember many years ago when my boyfriend's mother did my washing. We were staying with her and she took it from my case where it was in a laundry bag and washed it. (My knickers!! shame. And my silk, handwash only shirt... ) I was so hurt and angry but couldn't say anything as my bf thought his mother had been wonderful!

zoemaguire · 30/04/2015 00:06

Can you be my mil too please? We'll need to form an orderly queue, I realise. You don't even need to do any ironing for me You just sound so lovely!! Gah, I'm a bit sad now, my mil specialises in thoughtless comments and passive aggressive digs...My granny was the perfect mil according to my mum, you sound like her!

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 00:09

Alternative

You read that wrong. I was helping her out not my ds. He is a man brought up to pull his weight! They share chores. Please re read. my sons are brought up well thanks.

orange washing is different to ironing! Established that earlier in the thread. Agree with you. It's more personal

penny, yolo .

OP posts:

nokidshere · 30/04/2015 00:27

I would be perfectly happy for my mother, my mother in law, or any other guest in my house to do as much ironing and cleaning as they like I would be even happier if they put it all away too!

AlternativeTentacles · 30/04/2015 00:27

How is it helping HER out? Surely it is helping the family out?

nokidshere · 30/04/2015 00:32

alternative its because they split the chores and the DIL does the ironing so the OP sees it as helping out her DIL

The ironing is my chore (sadly lol) dh washes, dries, sorts and puts away non iron items, I iron it (or not, as the case may be) - so if she did it here it would be for me hth

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 00:34

zoe

My mil was utterly fabulous and we lost her at 60, 3 months after our dd4 was born. She is named after her.

Mil was my rock.

She got pregnant at 17 in the 50s and was chucked out by her family. Against the odds she married my fil, raised 5 kids in 7 years and was the nicest person in the world.

She would arrive At our house looking the epitome of glamour!

She would order me to bed for the day take the kids out, keep them happy fed and sorted. Wake me up with a bacon sandwich hours later having tidied the house and done my ironing.

The fridge would have a meal in it.

I aspire to be that mil. .

OP posts:

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 00:36

Ffs altetnative

They split the chores. It's just the two of them. No family yet. Why are you splitting hairs.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 00:39

Nokid exactly.

alternative sorry that was a bit cross. But read the thread and credit me with a bit of sense please. My dss pull their weight.

The ironing is my dils job so helping her.

Do you get it?

OP posts:

Sceptimum · 30/04/2015 01:51

Come to my house! Chores for everyone. :)

I'd be delighted if someone helped me out like this. I have a pretty tense relationship with my own MIL and even so I wouldn't see it as anything other than a wonderful gesture.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2015 02:00

I lost my DMIL a few years ago. It's exactly the kind of thing she would have done. I miss her. She would never have done something as a 'message' and wasn't the PA type so it would have been fine.

Nice to have a good DIL/MIL thread.

Caboodle · 30/04/2015 10:42

OP you are lovely. Come and be my mil too.
Fwiw though anyone can come and clean\iron etc for me. Was running late last week and babysitter finished cooking kids tea for me, then when got in she had tired and cleaned downstairs. Bloody lovely.
I'm wondering what some of you have I'm your ironing pile that is do private
I clearly lead a boring life.

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