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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Interfering or nice gesture

139 replies

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 11:56

My lovely stbdil and ds are away and I am feeding the grand catsSmile. Me and dil get on very well, she's fabulous. Now there's a huge pile of ironing and a board set up in the spare room. All doors open not peeping! Not to put it away just to hang up.

Would love to do it for her, ds does the cooking, just to help her out.

Now would that be interfering? Or a nice gesture? Do not want in any way to offend her. Her own dm is dead so we are probably over compensating to take care of her. I would do this for my dds in a heartbeat but what do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 14:54

Good she wants me to. Read the thread.

As I have already said no way would I open wardrobes or cupboards. I using my own hangers and hanging the clothes around the doors/rails.

OP posts:
Losingmyreligion · 29/04/2015 14:55

My MIL ironed all DH's items and left all of mine. Bitch.

ladymariner · 29/04/2015 14:57

Wouldn't it be lovely if people RTFT???

body you sound lovely, and I wish you were my mil! Smile

Littletabbyocelot · 29/04/2015 15:30

Body you and your dil sound lovely. I wish my MIL felt able to ask. She wants to help (struggling to keep up with chores and twins) but is scared of upsetting me, so she sneak tidys and then apologises after. Has led to me having fits of giggles when I find where things have been put away. It might seem interfering or judgemental (she is very tidy herself) but it comes from a loving place and I really appreciate it.

notfromstepford · 29/04/2015 15:32

I'd flippin love it if my MIL did this. I wouldn't see it as interfering at all.

Living in hope every day that my ironing pile disappears!

londonrach · 29/04/2015 15:34

What a great dil. Love her sense of humour. Tell her to bring the waitor back and set him up ironing. Grin. So body my second mil when you coming to do my ironing. I bring back honey, chocolate, wine and last time a necklase from mil from a holiday.. I also will spend ages chatting telling you all about the hotel etc (particularly the bathroom which needs discussing alot from questions asked) and appreciation of something you done. Your dil is so lucky. I hope she appreciates her mil. Think we have the mil winner of 2015 here! X

barmybunting · 29/04/2015 15:40

When my PIL are staying (they live too far away to visit often sadly), MIL will often get on with ironing and FIL will cook dinner. I love them for it!

Onlyonamonday · 29/04/2015 15:49

Both my mil and my dm have done our ironing here and there .. I love it and am so grateful .. I always make sure I tell them how appreciated they are and thank them . They both know how busy we are and how much we dislike ironing

Eatsleepwork · 29/04/2015 15:56

Glad you decided to go for it with her blessing.

It's tricky- I adore my mil and she regularly comes to stay for a week. During this time she regularly says that she doesn't want to be a burden and tries to OVER compensate for this by helping round the house. I appreciate the gesture but would rather she didn't. She almost races dh to the dishwasher after dinner, wakes up before everyone so she can get breakfast things ready and is forever pruning things in the garden whether I want her to or not (she will do it when I'm at work). She also irons everything and goes into our rooms to put it all away.
I know I'm a bit obsessive about how things are done but dh loves it as it is less for both of us to do...and I know she is doing it with the best of intentions so would never say anything!

lilac26 · 29/04/2015 16:11

I think you should do it.

PS Is there any chance you could 'look after my cats'?? Wink

Stealthsquiggle · 29/04/2015 16:16

My parents' cat sitter used to come and play the piano while he kept the cats company. Much less useful.

Our stupid cats won't talk to my parents (default cat sitters) so they have no incentive to spend more time in the house and do the ironing - they used to come over to use our faster broadband, but they have leapfrogged us to such an extent that the situation is now reversed.

proceeding · 29/04/2015 16:20

Can you imagine having Joey Maynard as an MIL!! NIGHTMARE! I wonder if poor Reg Entwistle knew what he was letting himself in for!

trilbydoll · 29/04/2015 16:22

I must admit, even if I thought mil was having a dig, I would still see it as I had won because the ironing was done Grin

My mil is so intent on not overstepping the mark, when a pigeon flew into our bedroom window and killed itself, she didn't investigate the noise because she didn't want to invade our privacy. I still think she should have made sure the house wasn't falling down!

LittleRedDinosaur · 29/04/2015 19:55

Body, you are clearly ace!

Original poster
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 29/04/2015 19:57

Ah thanks guys. london any time xx

OP posts:
BikketBikketBikket · 29/04/2015 22:44

Ah, this is making me miss my late MIL... When I went back to work f/t, she offered to do my ironing every week, as she enjoyed ironing and she'd heard me moan about doing it for years Smile

She did two big bags full every week, and I loved her for it - it was such a help.
When she had a heart attack, I was very, very happy to do her washing and ironing for 18 months until she died. She was a Star
It's been 14 years and I still miss her Sad

LinkDat · 29/04/2015 22:48

DO IT! Wish my anyone would iron for me Sad

LinkDat · 29/04/2015 22:50

Oh bikket that's sad x

Tanfastic · 29/04/2015 22:51

I would love it if you did that for me. As long as there were no sharp creases down the front of jeans mind Wink

AlternativeTentacles · 29/04/2015 22:53

Would love to do it for her, ds does the cooking, just to help her out.

Why is it her ironing, and why is he helping her out by cooking?

Surely it is their ironing and he cooks not to help her out but because he also eats food in the house? Unless of course he cooks and then goes off somewhere else to eat.

Very odd turns of phrase there OP.

whois · 29/04/2015 22:53

I'd be happy :-)

Doingakatereddy · 29/04/2015 23:02

My MIL with whom I have a very strained relationship with did my ironing out of the blue the other day & it was lovely, just lovely.

I don't have a Mum around either & struggle to cope with intimate gestures, but a pile of ironed clothes is very hard to grumble about!

OP - it was v thoughtful of you to post, to consider her feelings above your own

GiddyOnZackHunt · 29/04/2015 23:12

guilty of not rtft but unless there's something big yolo nailed it.
Ironing without comment or putting away with a cheery non judgemental note seems fine if you get on well.
Did I miss anything?

slithytove · 29/04/2015 23:17

Alternative I think it's more that would love to do it for her (as its her household chore) - DS does the cooking (his chore) - just to help her out (I want to help her with her chore, not DS with his)

Pennybubbly · 29/04/2015 23:27

You sound like a completely fab m-in-law.
I live abroad in my DH's country my m-in-law doesn't even visit us, let alone help out....My own DM would Bite her own arm off to be in the position to offer such a gesture. Please cherish the relationship you have with your family - as I'm sure you already do

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