To think this girl was rude & want to say something to her mother

[RinkyTinkTen]

Today I was driving out of my village and saw a girl (15) on her horse. I slowed right down to a crawl to let her pass, instead of thanking me, she threw me the filthiest look. I was on the phone(hand free) at the time, but if I hadn't have been, I'd have stopped and told her how rude she was.

The main reason I am so pissed off, is that I ride, my darling little horse is 4 and very good in traffic. I always thank people if they have made any sort of effort to slow down and give me a wide berth. Sometimes I can't take my hands off the reins, so do an exaggerated nod and pretty much yell thankyou.

When non horsey drivers pass rude riders like this, they may not bother to slow down next time and it might be me that ends up in the back seat of their car with my darling boy dead on the bonnet.

I've half a mind to either talk to her parents or drop a note through to them and telling them their daughter should wear hi-viz because if I ever found out my daughter behaved like this, I would sell her horse until she found some manners.

I also hate bad mannered people!

Exactly the same reason why I thank drivers when they stop at a zebra or pelican crossing. Rude girl. YANBU.

Dirty look or no, she should have had the manners to thank you. YANBU.

I appreciate it looks/sounds pretty pathetic. I sort of know this girl and already consider her pretty rude.

I have my own horse and am well acquainted with how people perceive horse riders, it isn't very favourable either.

It's not the fact she gave me a filthy look, it's the fact she didn't offer any sort of thanks. It doesn't seem much, but as any horse rider will attest, we are vulnerable road users and I can't help but feel that if driver gets pissed off with people like her, people like me will suffer.

I honestly don't understand why there are posters who feel that manners and general courtesy don't matter just because she's 15.

Is that what you think the replies are saying?

Can I be the first one to use the phrase First World Problem on this thread ? Following in your footsteps Owllady, I think things are looking a little unstable here. Perhaps you need to change tack and harness your reactions a bit.

I think you are in danger of appearing OTT, and even a little bonkers. I think it can be quite difficult to differentiate a "dirty look" from concentrating/ squinting/dour resting face. Thank goodness you didn't get out of the car to take her to task- totally unreasonable- and could have potentially got you into a tricky situation.

Of course, it would have been more polite if she had acknowledged the fact you'd slowed down and passed safety. Manners do indeed cost nothing. It is not always possible, but if it was it would have been more mannerly to have done so. However, you were actually obeying the Highway Code (i.e. pass horses/animals in a safe manner) which you are required to do, not simply doing her a favour. If other drivers do not obey the highway code as they have not been thanked by a rider, they are beyond stupid and there is really no excuse.

However, if you feel you have no other option than to contact her parents, then do so. Be prepared to be dismissed as a bit of an loony. I would probably ask my DD (who is only 6, but projecting into the future) to try and remember to thank someone, but would totally dismiss this "gave me a filthy look" as "mad woman".

You've written this post about a dirty look?
A dirty look?
A look?

Oh god. I've seen it all.

OP; "AIBU?"

MN; "Yes you are"

OP; "No I"m not"

If you are so convinced, then why bother to ask?

Maybe she was too busy concentrating on controlling her horse to give you a nice cheery wave?

The problem is, you don't know what was happening with her at that moment. Could she have been trying to control the horse, shifting her weight on the seat to try and relieve an itchy bum, thinking about something else or anything. Yes, a thank you would be ideal but when I'm driving I occasionally don't say thank you if a manoeuvre needs more concentration.

Who has said that manners don't matter.

The girl was riding and may have been concentrating and not felt comfortable letting go of the reins at that moment. If she has been rude in thevpast, you should have dealt with it then.

To go tell her parents you feel she gave you a dirty look will ensure you look as childish as she does.

Also if a car driver decides to drive like an idiot around horse because a teenager girl may have given them a dirty look previously. It's still the car drivers fault, not a girl who may or may not have bitchy resting face/ blotchy concentrating face.

Beside which, you were talking on hands free and watching her face and watching the road all at once. It's possible she saw something you didn't.

What was she meant to do, do a fanfare in gratitude?

If I pass riders I don't expect them to go anything in gratitude for me not startling/hitting the horse. Much like I don't expect cyclists to.

bitchy concentrating face

Wow.
I wish I had this kind of problem.

She might just have one of those faces.
I'm always being told to cheer up/smile. Inside I am!

My name's Bathsheba and I have a bitchy resting face.

Ok, I appreciate that I am being UR about her 'look' yes, she could well have been itching her bum, have resting bitch face etc and I would appear as a bit of a loon to speak to her mother.

But I stand by my belief that she should have thanked me. I am the type of person that does thank someone for being considerate so maybe my standards are set a bit higher and that manners are important, but maybe IABU about that.

I don't think YABU. I find it really rude when I alter what I'm harmlessly doing for the benefit of someone else,and they can't even be bothered to acknowledge it, let alone say thank you. It's bad manners, whether it's another motorist, or a horse rider.

I too am wondering why you were letting her pass. Surely it was the other way around? Perhaps it was a look of confusion as to what you were doing?

She should have said thank you but I think you would BU to track her parents down about it. If she was riding unsafely that would be an appropriate action but I think it's excessive for a look and a lack of thanks. Maybe she was concentrating really hard on the road, maybe she was being an inconsiderate teenager but I don't think it's worth worrying about.

She was riding along the road towards the village. I was driving away from the village.

I saw her & slowed to a crawl to let her pass safely as I know how careful you need to be when passing horses. I drive in the same manner when passing any horse unless travelling in the same direction where I give them a wide berth (as stated in the Highway Code).

When I'm out riding if a driver shows any consideration to me and my horse I thank them. I may not take my hands off the reins but I will nod and say thankyou as I feel it's polite to do so.

Could the sun have been in her eyes and she was just all squinty because of that?

I get that you have accepted yabu about the look. But honestly, Abu to consider speaking to her mother because she didn't thank you. You have no idea why she didn't.

You feel it's right to do so. But you don't know everything that was happening in her head at that moment.

Well obviously I won't be speaking to her mother as it was considered I was being a loon.

I still think she was rude though.

There's neigh way I would put up with that op.