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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this girl was rude & want to say something to her mother

107 replies

RinkyTinkTen · 26/04/2015 18:34

Today I was driving out of my village and saw a girl (15) on her horse. I slowed right down to a crawl to let her pass, instead of thanking me, she threw me the filthiest look. I was on the phone(hand free) at the time, but if I hadn't have been, I'd have stopped and told her how rude she was.

The main reason I am so pissed off, is that I ride, my darling little horse is 4 and very good in traffic. I always thank people if they have made any sort of effort to slow down and give me a wide berth. Sometimes I can't take my hands off the reins, so do an exaggerated nod and pretty much yell thankyou.

When non horsey drivers pass rude riders like this, they may not bother to slow down next time and it might be me that ends up in the back seat of their car with my darling boy dead on the bonnet.

I've half a mind to either talk to her parents or drop a note through to them and telling them their daughter should wear hi-viz because if I ever found out my daughter behaved like this, I would sell her horse until she found some manners.

I also hate bad mannered people!

OP posts:
Patapouf · 26/04/2015 21:34

I had a horse rider verbally abuse me the other day because I only slowed down and gave her 10metres berth. I was going no more than 5mph and she shared screeching at me. She wanted me to wait until she'd gotten to the end of the mile long stretch of straight road before I tried to overtake.

TedAndLola · 26/04/2015 21:39

I have a friend who's always moaning about people giving her "dirty looks". Sometimes she'll stop in the street and say to me "did you see the look that woman just gave me?"... it's mostly in her head.

Talismania · 26/04/2015 21:45

Could it be she was nervous b/c of the car or the noise when you speed up again possibly scaring the horse? I prefer ppl to pass slowly rather than let me pass IYSWIM, to get passed the car as quick as possible

Nellyinwellies · 26/04/2015 22:06

I am going to do everything I can to keep my children safe on their ponies when we have to go on the road. And by thanking drivers for slowing down it, hopefully, encourages them to do it again. By ignoring such politeness in careful drivers makes my children more vulnerable cause why should they slow down and pass wide and slow other than being considerate?
If being considerate doesn't require a thank you anymore then should someone gives up their seat for me on the bus (pregnant) then I will take it and look the other way. Good to know

Original poster
RinkyTinkTen · 26/04/2015 22:12

Maybe she was nervous, if that was the case, I wouldn't think it would be a good idea for her to hack out on her own, down a country road with no hi-viz on.

Manners are obviously subjective on MN then!

To the poster who suggested I might get upset because no one would thank me for stopping at a red lights and give me any flowers, well, that's is possibly the most obtuse thing I've ever read on MN. Well done.

OP posts:
Original poster
RinkyTinkTen · 26/04/2015 22:13

Tali, I hadn't stopped and had driven just how I would like someone to pass me.

I ge that all horses and riders are different

OP posts:
MangoJuggler · 26/04/2015 22:15

Hay I think she could have menaged a halloo. Don't bridle at her though.

Original poster
RinkyTinkTen · 26/04/2015 22:16

Sorry, posted too soon! But I feel that I was considerate when I passed and can honestly say my driving wasn't twattish!

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 26/04/2015 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cerealqueen · 26/04/2015 22:18

You can't qualify a dirty look, it is totally subjective!

MangoJuggler · 26/04/2015 22:18

Fark me though, horsey jokes are frickin' HARD.

BigRedBall · 26/04/2015 22:19

Yes yanbu. I hate rude horsey people.

Original poster
RinkyTinkTen · 26/04/2015 23:09

Well, blackhead, that was, umm... Really clever of you. Well done Biscuit

OP posts:
jacks11 · 26/04/2015 23:33

Nelly
cause why should they slow down and pass wide and slow other than being considerate?

Look I agree, it would have been more polite for this girl (and all riders) to acknowledge drivers who slow down and give horses a wide berth. It would be nice if all riders were considerate and thanked safe (I see it as safe, more than considerate) drivers. However, in answer to your statement above- the reason drivers should pass wide and slow is because they are required to do so by law. Failure to do so would be driving dangerously, which is illegal. That is why all drivers should pass safely.

There is never, ever an excuse for drivers not to pass wide and slow and if drivers chose to drive dangerously because they weren't thanked by a rider (or even many riders), then they are complete idiots. Drivers are not required to drive properly out of a sense of kindness to other road users, be that horses/cyclists or other motorists- they should be doing so because it is what is laid down by law for the safety of all road users.

Nellyinwellies · 26/04/2015 23:49

We are the vulnerable ones and I will do everything I can to ensure other road users remain as considerate as possible, so that we remain as alive as possible Smile

jacks11 · 27/04/2015 00:11

I agree, people should be polite and it would make things better all round. I'm not perfect though- I think 9.9 times out of ten I will acknowledge a driver but I know there are times when I haven't remembered.

My point (pedantic though it may seem) was that the impression that drivers should only pass horses (or cyclists or any other road user) in a safe way because it is considerate to do so is wrong. I strongly believe drivers should pass safely because that is what they are required to do by law, being thanked for it is an added bonus. My forgetting to be polite on the odd occasion does not absolve the driver of their responsibilities the next time the come across a rider. Sorry for the rant, not just aimed at you. more my general frustration at the idea that the highway code etc is optional, only to be used if you're feeling considerate/appreciated enough by other road users.

kali110 · 27/04/2015 01:11

Op i don't think yabu to think that she should have some manners if she was giving you a dirty look, but i don't think her parents will thank you for telling them! Grin

SilverBirch2015 · 27/04/2015 01:26

I always slow down for horses, I'm a country girl, and feel good about doing so. The majority of adult riders wave or nod their thanks. If a younger rider didn't, I wouldn't be offended in any way. I'd assume they were concentrating, an inexperienced rider or just a bit shy.

MagicMojito · 27/04/2015 01:31

Yabu she didn't do anything wrong, yes it would have been polite to say a quick thanks but she's not obliged to!

You'd sound completely nuts and slightly bonkers if you actually confronted her parents over this Confused Grin

Coyoacan · 27/04/2015 01:42

In all honesty, people slowing right down around my horse make her very stressed as she perceives it as a threat. So I can see why she might be giving you a 'hurry up!' look

That was actually what I was thinking, though by no means an expert horsewoman. I would have thought maintaining a steady not too fast speed would be more reassuring to a horse.

musicalendorphins2 · 27/04/2015 01:57

Be better for your blood pressure to relax a bit OP.

Topseyt · 27/04/2015 02:08

Acknowledgement is nice. Most horse riders I encounter give it, but on the odd occasion one might not I don't get too worked up over it.

Giving you a "dirty look" is a very subjective judgment. It is as well that you are no longer considering going to her parents over it. It would sound too childish, like when siblings start squabbling about "she looked at me wrongly", which is guaranteed to drive parents up the wall. Grin

SingingHinnies · 27/04/2015 02:09

I'm one of these people who apparently constantly throw people dirty looks when i am not, loads of my friends have said i do it, if look's could kill. No idea i am doing it, must just be how i look at people

Aussiemum78 · 27/04/2015 02:14

She's a 15 year old girl. Maybe she's wary of strangers slowing near her. You could have had bad intentions for all she knew.

stolemyusername · 27/04/2015 02:45

Wow, if that's the worst thing to happen to you today...

My eldest DD's both ride and hack out together and separately, I'm more concerned that they are comfortable in the situation they are in and confident in their horse and ability as a rider than giving the appropriate thanks to a driver who felt she deserved to be fawned over for slowing down for horses.

And as for the hi-viz, yes she probably should be wearing one, but if a driver can't see a horse on the side of the road they shouldn't be driving IMO.

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