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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

380 replies

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 12:13

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

OP posts:
Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 17:09

OP, It is perfectly fine to complain about people not following the rules.

If there is a queue for the family changing then you have to wait (just like you wait if there's a queue for a toilet). If you think there's not enough family changing rooms then take it up with the gym. What you DONT do is ignore the rules because you don't like them / can't be arsed to wait / don't give a stuff about how your actions affect other people.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 17:12

SomewhereIBelong - Christ, I don't really know what to say to that.

You've put me off going swimming for a bit anyway and my "precious" boy is only 3 but I'm still worried I might bump into you.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 17:12

It's not adult women, Dr0p - it's girls, who very commonly get their period and/or start growing breasts at the age of 10 (or younger). Think about their comfort and dignity.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 17:14

Lindsey thinks the child she thinks was fascinated with her body was 10 but unless she asked there is no way she can know for certain he wasn't 6 or 7 no matter how fine she thinks she is at gauging age - some 6 year olds look 4, some look 9 or 10.

Why should a woman who has paid to take her child to the pool wait for possibly quite a long time for a family cubicle because the OP despises children small boys mothers cubicles other women who have children who happen to be male and she thinks are over 6.

10 year olds without special needs of either gender would usually be fully capable of getting changed alone, but I really wonder how the OP is so utterly sure the boy was 10.

What's with the "mothers of boys" versus "mothers of girls" anyway - lots of us have both Hmm

My 7 yo boy would change in the men's now (if there were gender segregated changing areas) just as he goes to the men's toilets, but at 6 if he was somewhere unfamiliar and busy he would have been too anxious to go into a busy mens changing room alone (despite being able to dry and dress himself) and that would have been a big enough problem to make us unable to use the facilities. At 6 he looked 9 easily (people ask me which is older - him or his 2 years older sister) so it could be him the OP was complaining about (hypothetically).

I don't believe the OP is the one person on the planet who always estimates age correctly and don't see why mothers who's children include sons who look older than they are should sick up the inconvenience of a cold wait for a family cubicle so OP doesn't have to go into an empty cubicle which is right there... Both the mother and OP are women and paying customers, and the boys are children not men - they are unlikely to be interested in the OP and noise likely to stare than girls are.

The OP also objects to chattering girl children apparently, and would possibly be more comfortable at an entirely child free gym, which hers clearly isn't.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 17:15

Koala, yeah I've said I'm not going swimming again for a while. Don't worry.

Mrsstarlord · 26/04/2015 17:16

No way in a million years would I send my youngest DS into a changing room without me. He has additional needs, cannot dress himself without constant prompts and is very vulnerable. But you wouldn't know that to look at him. I have waited for family changing rooms before (where they exist) and will find a quiet corner or cubicle if not, but attitudes like the ops are the reason I no longer go to private gyms. He struggles to cope with large public pools because of the number of people and volume, so we choose between meltdown, stuck up people making us feel unwelcome and uncomfortable or going nowhere, we chose the latter because the first two are so stressful and upsetting.

goodnessgraciousgouda · 26/04/2015 17:21

Frankly, I think aged 6 and above is a perfectly reasonable point to say to people "family areas or separate please".

If you don't want your child to change alone, then wait for a family area. If there aren't any family areas then COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN and get it changed.

The female changing area is for women and girls. It doesn't MATTER if you think they are being "precious" or "unreasonable" or just "hysterical". It's a female only space, and you have to respect that.

It's also hugely narrow minded to just assume it's okay to bring a 9/10 year old into a female changing room when their may be muslim women and girls in there.

Why are some mothers so terrified of sending their sons into male changing rooms, whilst at the same time constantly butt clenching about how worried they are for their precious sons because all the feminazi's paint men with such a bad brush. It's a total contradiction!!!

I am in a bad mood, sorry!

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 17:24

Another mention of "precious".

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 17:27

mrsstarlord, you could have complained to the gym that they needed more family changing areas.

SomewhereIBelong · 26/04/2015 17:29

"You've put me off going swimming for a bit anyway and my "precious" boy is only 3 but I'm still worried I might bump into you."

thanks... Hmm

I get a bit pissed off at mums saying they can't send their kids into the correct changing rooms but WON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT CHANGING IT SO THEY CAN - other than the default of take them into the ladies, invade women's space as always, and suddenly I'm a worrying person to be around.

popalot · 26/04/2015 17:30

6 is a bit young to separate kid from mum. I'd say 9 was a better age. Boys aren't a 'threat' at that age. And I bet girls would have a look too - it's curiosity, isn't it?

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 17:31

Jessica that's a deliberately unhelpful suggestion - asking the gym to start building work!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 17:34

Making this "women" versus "mothers of sons" is so weird - how are people blanking the fact this is one group of women trying to vilify and push out another Hmm

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 17:36

It wasn't deliberately unhelpful - it was genuine! Accessible toilets / parent and child parking were put in place because enough people complained and something was done about it. I don't see why the same thing couldn't happen with sufficient family changing areas.

MythicalKings · 26/04/2015 17:36

I'm part of a group of women trying to keep women's spaces for women and young girls. Not unreasonable.

ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 17:39

If the sign says boys over 6 should not be in the ladies communal areas, then that is all there is to it.
There are family changing rooms. If you have boys who are older than 6 the notice applies to you. If there isn't a family changing room available and you have a son who you don't want to send into the mens, due to whatever reason (SN included) then you just have to wait until a family one is available.
The pool have made provision for those with older sons to change with them, so there is no excuse to ignore the sign. It is there for a reason.

I find it amazing how many people think it doesn't apply to them and they are a special case.

To the OP, I would have said to the mother of the boy 'I'm not quite sure of your son's age? Is he over 6, as that sign says over 6's shouldn't be in here. He is making me feel uncomfortable'

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 17:40

Granted Jessica it would be a goodidea to point the pproblem out - but mrsstar has the problem now - is she supposed to give up taking her son out until (unless) her complaint is acted upon and more facilities are built?

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 17:40

MrTumbles I don't know but I'm going to write a letter to my local council suggesting 3 changing rooms at our pool. Men's, women's and mothers & precious boys. That way I'll know I'm going in the right one.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 17:41

For the millionth time - it's not about boys being a 'threat'! Nobody thinks 10-year-olds are going to start sexually assaulting them in a change room, FFS. it's about a space where young girls can walk around comfortably when they're hitting puberty without feeling embarrassed.

likalixer · 26/04/2015 17:42

it's about a space where young girls can walk around comfortably when they're hitting puberty without feeling embarrassed

Well said Koala.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 17:44

That's not remotely what the OP is about Koala - the OP objects to young girls "and their incessant chatter" too...

ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 17:45

And to the OP, every time I thought it had happened, I would mention it to reception on my way out and send an email when I got home, asking what they are going to do about it.

If they post a sign about it, they need to be willing to raise the issue with new members when they join ....'Just so you know, we don't allow boys over 6 into the communal ladies changing area' and to those who are seen ignoring the sign 'perhaps you hadn't realised, but we ask parents not to take boys over 6 into the communal ladies changing area as it makes some ladies feel uncomfortable. There are family changing rooms over there that you can use together'

If the gym turn a blind eye, it doesn't help anyone.

MistressMerryWeather · 26/04/2015 17:46

Yes, the whole precious boys thing is nauseating.

Totally expected on a thread like this, however. Some people just can't help themselves.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 17:46

Eh? It's exactly what the OP is about, MrTumbles.

(Pretty sure the 'incessant chatter' thing was a joke, btw)

devon004 · 26/04/2015 17:47

Up to 8 is acceptable I feel.