Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

380 replies

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 12:13

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 26/04/2015 17:49

That's not the point, devon, the rules say 6.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 17:50

I thought changing rooms were a place to get changed. I had no idea I was supposed to feel comfortable going through puberty there!

I wish I'd known that all those years ago.

But seriously what age should I stop coming into the women's with my son? I thought it was about 8. Am I wrong?

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 17:51

Not just young girls. Women only spaces should be for women and young children only. I wouldn't want to get changed in front of a 10 year old boy, it would make me uncomfortable. So I purposefully choose a gym which doesn't allow them in the women's changing room. Anyone breaking that rule will be challenged and / or reported to the gym.

I don't see why my need to get changed without 10 year old boys around is any less important than a family's need to get changed without waiting for a family changing room. In fact, my gym says that my need is greater, hence the rules!

DoTheDuckFace · 26/04/2015 17:51

I think you were not unreasonable to complain in your specfic circumstances. The rules are what they are and they were broken.
However I think 6 is too young. DD is 6 and I have to help her get changed. Otherwise she would drag her stuff over the wet floor and generally faff about.
The rule at our pool is children under 8 must be supervised. That seems about right to me and ds 8 seems to manage fine alone in the men's change.

devon004 · 26/04/2015 17:51

I just feel 7 is too young to go into mens and in our pool there are only a few family changing rooms.

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 26/04/2015 17:52

Ahem

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 17:53

dr0p, it depends on the gym. If the rules at the gym say 'over 6', then that's what you stick to. Any women uncomfortable with those 6 and under are free to join a different gym.

MistressMerryWeather · 26/04/2015 17:56

Or just say 'Of course he's 6' to anyone who asks until he turns 8. :o

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 17:57

Koala the OP is objecting because the changing room is her space, she isn't concerned about pubescent girls though others are.

Nobody on the thread says they take 10 year old boys into the women's changing room - the grey area seems to be 6-8 year olds. It's very, very likely the supposed 10 year old was several years younger.

Mrsstarlord · 26/04/2015 17:58

Or not go out Jessica, which is our alternative. The entrance to the family changing room in the last private gym I went to was in the women's changing room. So if it's busy, you wait in the women's changing room, the same one that kids aren't allowed in.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 18:00

Dr0p, that's kind of the thing about puberty - you go through it 24/7 while it's happening, you can't just shut it off while you're at the gym changing room. Hmm

My point is that a girl who is going through puberty at 10 probably feels the same way about getting dressed in front of a 9-year-old boy, as I'd feel about getting dressed in front if a 29-year-old man. Which is: very uncomfortable.

BigChocFrenzy · 26/04/2015 18:03

Do I live in a parallel universe Confused or are these gyms with "family cubicles" run by the local authority ? I've never seen any.
All the various private gyms where I've trained (since 1998) have age limits 16/18+ in changing rooms and fitness areas.
The changing areas and showers are communal without any cubicles
Most have a creche during certain hours and the very rare older kid may sit - quietly - in the coffee bar area, nowhere else.

OP, can you join an adults gym without family cubicles ? Obv not practical if you need a family membership.

MetallicBeige · 26/04/2015 18:03

Yanbu. I can remember back to being 10/11 years old and on our family caravan holiday. We stayed regularly at one campsite which had seperate male and female shower blocks. Every day a boy the same age as me would be there with his mum, just sitting at the end of the shower row. I can still remember feeling absolutely mortified by him and can remember him watching me.
Looking back he was a bored/curious child waiting for his mum, at the time it was excruciating. My own mother was typically 'children are silly and don't have feelings' and laughed at me for feeling embarassed. Just awful.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 18:05

And I support the OP there, too. I just thought that the women on the thread who have no sympathy for an adult woman, might have some for a young girl.

It's all the same principle: except for very little children (which a 9/10 yr old decidedly is not), males should not be in a female-only space.

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 18:07

It has to be about balance though mrsstarlord. While it is unfair that you can't feasibly take your DC to the gym, if there were no age limits in women's changing then many women wouldn't be able to go, and that would be unfair too. Enough family changing seems to be the way forward, and at least by complaining it might get better for families in the future.

Original poster
Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 18:07

Thank you Koala! Yes, chattering, yoghurt and shivering were a joke! Mumsnet obviously needs to develop a sarcasm font... Hmm

I just think the rule is there for a reason(s) (some have been raised I this thread) and if you accepted them when you joined the gym, well that's that! You're not above them just because you think your child can't dress themselves yet or for any other reason. Like I keep saying, if you want to be with your child then there is a facility for you in my gym; the family changing rooms. This is why I didn't think I was BU to complain.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 18:07

When I was going though puberty I didn't want to get changed in font of anyone regardless of gender or age, so went in a cubicle. .. OP says there are cubicles available in the women's but she doesn't see why she should use them so other women who have male children who she thinks are over 6 should queue for a family cubicle.

Self conscious pubescent girls tend to go for cubicles even in entirely female environments, so they are a bit of a red herring in a situation where single person cubicles are available - it's about the OP not wanting to use them and objecting to boy children in the space she does want to use, not about pubescent girls being forced to get changed in front of their same age male peers.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 18:09

I know about puberty koala I've been through it despite what others say.

However I thought 8 was still an ok age for a little boy to go with his mum. Anything older and I would have thought it was equally about protecting the boys dignity as much as any girls so I'd send him into the mens.

I'm still surprised at the OP's pool having a cut off of 6 though.

Original poster
Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 18:11

BigChoc- this is a very large, "high-end" gym and the family changing room is a completely different changing room! Large and well equipped with changing cubicles and showers. All changing rooms have individual shower cubicles (men's, women's and family) not communal.

My objection is with these mothers not using it, for whatever reason!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 18:12

Dr0p- I'll send you a picture of the sign, k? lol

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 18:14

You know, thinking about this...I have only seen a boy who looked old enough to make me Hmm in the female change room at my gym once. In over 4 years, going 3-4 times a week. And I'm fairly sure there is only one family changing room (maybe 2).

I can only assume people here are more relaxed about sending boys into the men's room alone, or they just wait if the family room is busy.

MistressMerryWeather · 26/04/2015 18:16

That's a good point MrTumbles, I would have been horrified at undressing in front of any older stranger when I was going through puberty.

A mother accompanied by her small children should be seen a perfectly normal.

Thankfully it normally is, this does seem to be one of those problems you only ever read about on MN. :o

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 18:17

Yeah ok lindsay81, get a camera out in the changing room if you think it will help your point.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 18:17

Well, of course the doesn't want to use them - she probably wants to get dressed standing next to her open locker, put on moisturiser, chat to a friend, whatever - that's what we all do in the communal space at my gym. Why should all the women scurry to cubicles because someone brought a 10-year-old boy in?!

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 18:19

MN also seems to be the only place where children 8+ are 'small children'.

Swipe left for the next trending thread