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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

something's not right with a guy at work who declares himself straight in work email signature

243 replies

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 07:49

There's a particularly unpleasant guy at work, senior manager and acts like he is above everyone. I've annoyed him as I treat him like everyone else and don't just drop everything to help him when he asks.

Anyway he has an email signature that says "I'm a straight ally and support LGBT rights" and it has a little rainbow button.

Aibu to think that's not quite right? Who cares about who he fucks? And its 2015 not 1960 he's just stating the normal position of people.

Does anyone here work in HR? Could it be he's been disaplined on something and had to do a course and stick this in?

OP posts:
shewept · 26/04/2015 09:33

So essentially, you hate your job, you can't be arsed to do it properly, you dislike the people and are hoping the people you don't like have been disciplined. And they are starting the motions of getting rid of you?

You have started the motions of them getting rid of you.

You are part of the diversity team and never heard of straight allies. I don't think you really can be arsed at all. If you haven't been paying attention in the meetings, could it possibly been agreed that people would put certain things in their signature, during one of these meetings?

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:35

Oh gosh this has morphed.

He is an arse and I'm unhappy at work. They are not exclusive.

Anyway it is a bit late for me, I've tried for years to get it right but really hasn't been working. My company wins all these awards for lgbt and great places for parents but really it isn't. They just do lots of box ticking stuff, but on the ground level its very different.

The last lgbt event was a screening of cabaret and stand up comedy from lesbian comics, I was very Confusedat this tbh.

Anyway I have got a meeting this week where they have warned me I might be dismissed, so that basically means I will be.

Guy was not trying to help me with the working lunch at all, sure of that.

OP posts:
Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:37

I have never been obstructive. I just needed a lunch break on a busy day and not work through it.

OP posts:
letscookbreakfast · 26/04/2015 09:38

I'm not surprised that they are trying to get rid of you OP, you sound very awkward to work with. Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out.

twirlypoo · 26/04/2015 09:40

Can you see how to your managers and colleagues it may seem like your being obstructive by doing that though?

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:40

Because I treat people equally and schedule work based on importance and urgency?

OP posts:
lavenderhoney · 26/04/2015 09:40

just because you've been there a long time doesn't give you special rights or powers. And if you don't know why he has something in his email sig then ask. Everyone sees it, internally and externally. It's not something he's thought up to make himself look a twat. Which he isn't btw. Because he's a manager and presumably looking to be continue to be successful.

You're not helping him succeed or working as a team to help each other succeed - I guess you weren't the only one invited to a brown bag lunch? Sometimes business moves faster than you think- it can't be scheduled round your walks!

You leave him with no option but to help you seek opportunities elsewhere.

Charis1 · 26/04/2015 09:40

He may be an arse, but the only examples you have given are YOU being an arse. Although, having suffered at work myself in thee past, i understand that this could be out of distress and anger.

Do you have a union?

it sounds like you and your company need to be working together to find a constructive next move for you, which is likely to be out of here and into somewhere else.

It is possible to work together for this. I hated my job, but had a very good experience of support and encouragement from my company when we mutually agreed to part ways!

shewept · 26/04/2015 09:40

So why we're you hoping to discover if he has possibly been disciplined? What would it's achieve if someone here said, yes he has been disciplined? How would that help you?

It would only be a guess anyway from someone on here.

Tbh he doesn't sound like an arse. It sounds like you just don't like him and are using him as an excuse to justify not doing your job properly.

GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 09:41

Evidently your behaviour has led to you being dismissed yet you're still trying to argue that it's acceptable Confused

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:41

When I said I couldn't do the working lunch I did say (lied) that I had an appointment and gave other times that I could do. So no I don't think that can be seen as obstructive.

OP posts:
Crocodopolis · 26/04/2015 09:41

Yes, YABVU because you are conflating two issues: your attitude toward him and his email signature. Because you don't like him, you want to complain about the latter.

I am sure that if you did like him, then his signature wouldn't matter.

Stop being so petty.

Sagethyme · 26/04/2015 09:42

Oh ok, you want out so you can what claim unfair dismissal, sign on and tell the world how awful your senior manager was to you?
so you clearly dont want a job, then leave, why go under a storm cloud with poor references?
You could of course turn this around, wind your neck in, and maybe actually ask him tomorrow if there is anything which needs to be done as a priorirty. You know its a funny thing OP, people will often treat you as you treat them, sometimes other less important work has to be side lined for the more important stuff. If you suddenly find you cant cope with the work load you go to your manager and say something.
The very fact you seem to be able to fit childcare into your work schedual sounds like a pretty good employer to me. Of course at the moment promtion may not be on the cards if you work part time, but with your attitude it will never happen.
No doing what your boss asks you, is not browning nosing, its doing what you are being employed to do!
Just a thought, if you change your attitude you might actually, you know, enjoy your work, and you might find you and your boss can actually get on.

Perfectlypurple · 26/04/2015 09:42

tiggy I do know what bugger means,I don't need the definition. I just don't see how someone saying bugger, if say they drop something makes them homophobic. Kind of like saying fuck or shit when they drop something or bash their knee etc.

UncleT · 26/04/2015 09:47

A 'senior manager' who 'acts like he's above everyone' - whatever next?? The shock...

But anyway - YABU.

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:47

Thanks charis. No there isn't a union , I had no idea I could just join one though. Too late now to join and have someone come to this meeting with me.

I'm just really waiting for a package to leave tbh. Its a stressful city job where most people last less than 2 years. I've been here over 10, they will milk you until they can't see you earning them any more money. I think the disciplinary is more due to being signed off for two weeks with work relates difficulties. The fact I don't brown nose anymore is just another nail in my coffin. I've for 8 years been in the top 25% of performers,then last year was average, this year in the bottom 25%.

OP posts:
letscookbreakfast · 26/04/2015 09:49

What makes you think that you'll get a package? They might just sack you.

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:49

I'm not trying to use the email SIG as an argument! I'm just going through emails and noticed it as a bit strange from him.

OP posts:
shewept · 26/04/2015 09:51

So you are being scrap at your job to get what? Redundancy?

Or is it a job where they pay shot employees off rather than sack them? If you have acted like your posts suggest, surely they will just sack you.

AliceLidl · 26/04/2015 09:51

You do sound quite resentful of this man achieving a senior position to you when you have worked there for longer.

Even if you want to leave, don't go about it this way. You never know when you might want to return, or if your paths will cross with someone from this company in the future and they remember your behaviour?

There's nothing clever about behaving badly to get the sack. I know, I have a colleague doing a similar thing at the moment and she's so blinkered to her own issues that she doesn't care how much trouble she's causing to everyone else.

Without going into too much detail, our boss has two close relatives undergoing cancer treatment, one responding well, the other too early to say yet what might happen to them. They also have a friend of over 25 years dying from cancer, and an employee who has just been diagnosed with it.

They are obviously under a lot of stress because of this, yet this colleague hasn't considered any of that. Nor has she considered the impact that she's had on other colleagues, not just at work but with repercussions at home as well, as the extra demands her laziness is putting on everyone else impacts on our lives at home.

And all because she is trying to get the sack. Yet she has also threatened to sue the company if she does lose her job.

She's a thoroughly unpleasant and nasty person.

Do you really want that reputation to be yours?

Perhaps this man was trying to help you when he offered you the working lunch. Perhaps he's noticed that you are letting things slide and he wants to help you before you lose your job. Perhaps he was hoping to find out what's making you behave as you are so he can do something about it.

And yes, straight ally supporting LGBT rights is a normal and widely used statement. There's nothing wrong with him using that in his email signature and so it does seem as though your personal animosity towards him is just looking for trouble where there is none.

Higheredserf · 26/04/2015 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crocodopolis · 26/04/2015 09:52

"They are starting the motions to get rid of me I think."

Imagine that!

OP, you need either to change your attitude stat or start looking for a new job.

shewept · 26/04/2015 09:54

I think you are, trying to use it in someway.

Why ask if people think he has been disciplined. You either are looking to make yourself feel better, by hoping he has been. Or you are hoping to use it. What difference does it make if he has been disciplined?

GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 09:55

His working lunch idea might have been to discuss something that may have helped you in regards to this package you expect (which you may not get)

OrlandoWoolf · 26/04/2015 09:57

Now this is what is called a drip feed OP.