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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

something's not right with a guy at work who declares himself straight in work email signature

243 replies

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 07:49

There's a particularly unpleasant guy at work, senior manager and acts like he is above everyone. I've annoyed him as I treat him like everyone else and don't just drop everything to help him when he asks.

Anyway he has an email signature that says "I'm a straight ally and support LGBT rights" and it has a little rainbow button.

Aibu to think that's not quite right? Who cares about who he fucks? And its 2015 not 1960 he's just stating the normal position of people.

Does anyone here work in HR? Could it be he's been disaplined on something and had to do a course and stick this in?

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 26/04/2015 09:03

"Straight ally" is a perfectly well known phrase. It means that you are supportive but do not share the lived experience of LGBT people. In the same way that men can be feminist allies. Supportive, but not women.

But I do quite like the idea of having tag lines as part of a disciplinary process "I have failed to make anyone a cup of tea for the past 6 months" "I never bring the right papers to meetings" A sort of 21st century dunces cap.

NotYouNaanBread · 26/04/2015 09:07

I think that you know you did the wrong thing by refusing the working lunch, when it would seem that he was making an effort to liaise with you during a time when the school dropoff/pickup wasn't impacting your schedule. He is aware that you have missed each other at meetings you haven't been able to attend, as was trying to rectify that, but you threw it back in his face.

You know you screwed up and are now trying to create a scenario where he is an unreasonable, homophobic bastard, so if you are being squeezed out of your job, it's not your fault.

You are dramatically overthinking the signature thing. You work in a tech co with a strong LGBT reputation, so you know perfectly well that sigs can't be appended without approval from management, and you know equally well that people aren't forced to put sigs like that onto their email after being disciplined for homophobia in the workplace.

If you hate your workplace and feel unhappy and unmotivated, then you should take steps to change that within your job or look for a new one, not picking fights and looking for unhappiness around you.

UptheChimney · 26/04/2015 09:07

He's a senior manager but you "treat him like everyone else" and deliberately don't do work straight away he's asked you to do? Are you sure you are not letting your personal animosity for him affect appropriate work standards?

This.

You sound quite prejudiced against him, and your reverse snobbery about someone senior to you sounds like it gets in the way of your professionalism.

And I think the more that straight people realise the privilege of being straight -- it's a huge privilege for straight people that we're not expected to "come out" about our sexual preferences, because our society assumes that everyone's heterosexual until they "come out" (heteronormativity).

Albadross · 26/04/2015 09:10

My employer has a 'no bystanders' approach, and our LGBT network encourage us to declare that we're allies, we even have little tent cards to put on our monitors.

Original poster

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:11

Lol no I did not to the wrong thing by refusing working lunch. It is my decision how I spend my lunch break.

Anyway I want out and it looks like its working.

I treat everyone in life as equals regardless of if they are a admin worker or a ceo. That's my choice, but yes won't get me promoted.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 26/04/2015 09:12

Your company is in Stonewall Top 100 and you've not heard the term straight ally before?

You're sufficiently uncommitted to your work to be disrespectful of your senior management?

You don't sound as though you'd be any great loss.

UptheChimney · 26/04/2015 09:15

Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger

Original poster

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:15

I was disrespectful by treating people equally. Lol.

MN is full of people being good little worker bees.

OP posts:

Feckeggblue · 26/04/2015 09:16

I don't really understand what you mean by treating everyone the same. Presumably you don't treat everyone the way you treat him? You obviously really dislike him

If you want out why not just leave?

GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 09:18

You are not compatible with a work place like this.

You simply cannot treat people the same because as he is your manager you have to defer to him in the work scenario (within reason of course)

How you've managed to work so long and not realise this I dontknkw. However I expect it's only him you show this level of disrespect to.

Wordsaremything · 26/04/2015 09:19

He's a diversity champion. There is an 'I'm a straight ally' scheme in the civil service.

ilovesooty · 26/04/2015 09:20

Treating requests from managers with disrespect when they are seemingly doing their best to accommodate you is being a good little worker be?

Original poster

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 09:20

I mean when he comes over and starts stomping his feet to do something non urgent urgently and I'm in the middle of helping someone junior on my team I don't just drop what I'm doing as he's a level higher. I kindly tell him, sure but I need to finish this first as it's holding a lot up. This happened last week.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 26/04/2015 09:21

With respect, sorry.

TiggyD · 26/04/2015 09:21

Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger

Interesting post Upthechimney. Can you please share your reasoning behind it?

FibonacciSeries · 26/04/2015 09:21

I used to have a mug from my work's diversity group, that had the "straight ally" slogan. I liked it.

A thought: if they are, like you suspect, starting to get the motions to get rid of you, maybe he wanted to have lunch with you to give you some advice on what you could do differently to avoid that outcome? Senior managers don't have a lot of time to spare, and when they take someone out for lunch it is not because they are bored but because they want to discuss something.

Also, maybe his assistant schedules meetings. Or maybe he schedules meetings with many atttendees on many different time zones and the best slot he can find sometimes just happens to not be convenient for you. I've been on the scheduling side and it is not that easy.

Frankly, it just sounds to me like you hate your job and this guy has become an avatar of everything you dislike about your company.

ilovesooty · 26/04/2015 09:21

Talk about back tracking.

PolaDeVeboise · 26/04/2015 09:23

So, you find spurious reasons to criticise and disregard requests from EVERYONE you work with then?

SquirmOfEels · 26/04/2015 09:25

You've missed an opportunity here. The move from full to part-time can bring a number of unintended (career-limiting) consequences, and here was your chance to fix them.

But it seems as if you are choosing self-sabotage. One piece of advice, if you ever decide to get serious about a career again, change organisation. This sort of coasting does get noticed and is very hard to retrieve a reputation without a fresh start.

Eigg · 26/04/2015 09:27

I am a 'good little worker bee' from your perspective but then I earn a really excellent salary, get all well with all my colleagues and plan to keep on doing so.

I also treat everyone equally - if the admin assistant asked me with 10 mins notice to do a working lunch - I'd say 'yes'.

I'm very sorry that you are unhappy in your role. Don't wait to be kicked out, find something that makes you smile and want to do 'above and beyond'. Work is a considerable part if your life. Don't waste it in resentment.

YoniMitchell · 26/04/2015 09:30

I noticed that comment too Orlando.

OP, you seem to have a real bee in your bonnet about this guy.

ilovesooty · 26/04/2015 09:31

I suspect she has a bee in her bonnet about a whole load of things.

Hakluyt · 26/04/2015 09:32

You don't think of yourself as a "free spirit" do you, OP?

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2015 09:32

Mumof4worried

"Anyway I want out and it looks like its working."

I wonder if you want a big pay out to go with your "want out"

twirlypoo · 26/04/2015 09:33

You actually sound like a nightmare member of staff. What you are describing is normal work place behaviour - your manager isn't actually doing anything wrong, but you seem to want to strengthen your own position by knocking him down.
Being a 'busy worker bee' is fine, being someone who is more work to live is also fine. Being deliberately obstructive at work however will just get you sacked.

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