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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

something's not right with a guy at work who declares himself straight in work email signature

243 replies

Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 07:49

There's a particularly unpleasant guy at work, senior manager and acts like he is above everyone. I've annoyed him as I treat him like everyone else and don't just drop everything to help him when he asks.

Anyway he has an email signature that says "I'm a straight ally and support LGBT rights" and it has a little rainbow button.

Aibu to think that's not quite right? Who cares about who he fucks? And its 2015 not 1960 he's just stating the normal position of people.

Does anyone here work in HR? Could it be he's been disaplined on something and had to do a course and stick this in?

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 08:36

Jesus Christ.

This has got to be a joke.

Ubik1 · 26/04/2015 08:38

'Proud to be..' Sounds fab.

We had the Stonewall: 'some people are gay, get over it campaign' but if was just posters. Email signatures are a really great idea.

OrlandoWoolf · 26/04/2015 08:38

Oh yes - it is easy to say you are inclusive and don't discriminate. But when push comes to shove, there are people who can talk the talk but don't walk the walk.

Actions speak louder than words.

shewept · 26/04/2015 08:39

Actually the straight bit could be seen as important. Straight allies is a term used.

But its not about that is it? You are hoping to be told he has been disciplined or not. But why is this important to you.

Pipbin · 26/04/2015 08:40

Perhaps someone else that he has contact with in the company has been making homophobic remarks and this signature is a subtle way of saying to people that it's not ok.
I think it's a great thing to profess, as you say you would hope most people today think this way but sadly they don't.
I agree that emails shouldn't really carry personal messages as signatures, otherwise it could all get like Netmums with sodding tickers. What do you think you can report him for? Not being homophobic? Report it and you look bad.

Original poster
Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 08:40

OK so our company is on stonewalls top 100.

It'd probably just because I've never heard of this straight ally, just sounds clunky and to much info. But if that's an accepted and well used thing fair enough.

OP posts:
Feckeggblue · 26/04/2015 08:40

Bugger? I've never ever heard of that being homophobic. I love calling people a little bugger.

twirlypoo · 26/04/2015 08:41

What's saying bugger occasionally got to do with the price of fish?! Seriously??

goodnessgraciousgouda · 26/04/2015 08:41

I'm going to go against the grain actually.

I think it's brilliant if this guy really does care about lgbt rights, but I don't think it's appropriate in a work signature. Personal views on politics and social issues aren't appropriate to have within a work e-mail - they just aren't!

I am vehemently pro choice, but I would consider it hugely inappropriate if someone had something about it in their work signature.

The other thing of course is that I find it very weird that if he was so supportive of lgbt that he felt the need to put it in his work signature, why the "straight ally" bit.

It seems like a conflict to have something about lgbt rights in your work signature, whilst at the same time taking measures to ensure that no-one thinks that you might be gay. Oh gosh! Perish the thought!!!

In summary, this does seem very weird.

However, you might want to re-look at your staff charts. Yo might have been in the company for a million years, but he is STILL your senior.

CaptainHolt · 26/04/2015 08:41

He can't very well declare himself an ally without declaring his sexuality can he? Confused

How do you know he hasn't made any lgbt employees life easier? Have you mind read the whole company? Do you know that someone hasn't checked themselves before saying 'that's so gay' because they know it wouldn't go down well with the boss? Do you know there isn't someone sitting quietly at their desk, getting on with their work, felling a little bit better that they have an ally?

Eigg · 26/04/2015 08:45

But if you were just going out for a walk 10 mins notice is fine surely?

If you had an actual appointment 'I'm so sorry I can't make that, when else would suit you?".

If he schedules things when you can't make it, that is irritating but not necessarily deliberate. It can be hard to remember everybody else's schedule (do you have the time blocked out in your calendar?)

My (very good) SM sometimes has to be reminded that another colleague of ours doesn't work on Mondays and sometimes we have to hold meetings that day anyway because of other deadlines or schedules. It's not personal.

Whether 'bugger' is offensive depends on the context.

Feel free to call people on sexist statements, I do.

Feckeggblue · 26/04/2015 08:45

I agree that if it's not part of a campaign or approved it's a bit odd and unprofessional though

DixieNormas · 26/04/2015 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mumof4worried · 26/04/2015 08:50

Oh yes theres lots of things at work I could do better, but I CBA. I've had enough of the company sucking the life out of me and the lack of career progression since becoming part time has really demotavted me, I used to be the perfect employee. They are starting the motions to get rid of me I think.

OP posts:
Perfectlypurple · 26/04/2015 08:50

I don't know how saying bugger makes you homophobic

And the straight ally thing, well to me it is saying you don't have to be gay to support gay rights - which is fine with me.

Pipbin · 26/04/2015 08:50

He's never mentioned lgbt in work or at socials
Is that something you have to do now? I have posted stuff on my Facebook page about being a straight ally as I want to show support to a young family member who has recently come out. I don't mention it at work or with friends though. Should I now to prove I mean it?
I say bugger often too. Should I say fuck? Is that less offensive? What about people called Roger?

cedricsneer · 26/04/2015 08:50

It sounds like any of those slogans/banners/tickers/twibbons that people use in loads of different digital contexts nowadays. When I was working for national charities 10 years ago we always had different signatures on our emails promoting the charity/a cause/ an event.

This whole thing is totally unremarkable. You, however, sound like a divisive and difficult employee hoping to get him in trouble or "catch him out". Most businesses are hierarchical - I can't see any example of him being particularly unreasonable or domineering.

CaptainHolt · 26/04/2015 08:52

It seems like a conflict to have something about lgbt rights in your work signature, whilst at the same time taking measures to ensure that no-one thinks that you might be gay. Oh gosh! Perish the thought!!!

Or perhaps he just doesn't want to be seen as someone pretending to 'get' what lgbt discrimination actually feels like. It's an acknowledgement that if you aren't actually lgbt then you can't have the same experiences. Being an ally is a different thing from being part of a group and it's an important distinction to make. The equivalent would be a man insisting that he is a feminist and telling woman how to do feminism 'right' - which does happen and is annoying.

hidingfromthem · 26/04/2015 08:52

He sounds like a twat trying to be right on.
that's all.

BuriedSardine · 26/04/2015 08:58

They are starting the motions to get rid of me I think

I think this could be the issue rather than trying to whip up outrage that he uses the term 'bugger.'

I'd be dusting off my CV in your shoes. You don't sound happy at work at all.

Pipbin · 26/04/2015 08:58

Not being homophobic is being 'right on'?

Charis1 · 26/04/2015 08:59

They are starting the motions to get rid of me I think.

Well, to be fair, you are not cooperating with a manager, so that is only to be expected, although it sounds like you want out anyway, so why don't you go about it in a more constructive way? You will hopefully find something that suits you much better.

Ubik1 · 26/04/2015 08:59

I would be uncomfortable asking people to declare their sexuality at work. Not everyone is out and proud. Some people prefer to keep their personal life private.

You could argue that the 'ally' thing is just a way to make supporting LGBT rights more palatable for people who don't want to be thought of as gay.

If everyone is supportive while not declaring sexuality then you are sort of saying 'well yes I might be a lesbian or whatever. I don't actually care what you think'

GraysAnalogy · 26/04/2015 08:59

I think you have more things to worry about than your managers signature.

TiggyD · 26/04/2015 08:59

I don't know how saying bugger makes you homophobic

Because it refers to anal sex, a popular treat for many gay men. Buggery was illegal. It's the whole "gay = bad" thing. "Bugger off" was used to mean "go of and do that disgusting and illegal thing that some degenerates do"

Kind of changed it's meaning now, but some are still sensitive to the word's origins.