Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that children pestering adults for food is bad manners?

237 replies

vladthedisorganised · 25/04/2015 23:47

Have posted about this on another thread but it is annoying me a bit.
DD and I walk home from school past a local park. It's a reasonable walk (we don't have a car) so when I go to collect her from school, I usually bring her something to eat on the way back.

There's a fair amount of children that come up to other parents asking for a snack, as well as their own. This gets awkward when we then see them again in the local park - many have been driven there while we've walked - and I'll be ambushed again by more children as we go past. The parents appear to bring something for their own children to eat, but this doesn't seem sufficient - particularly when other DCs are mooching the food in question.

What gets me is that I'm very firm with DD that she shouldn't be bugging other parents for food; but it is getting hard when she can see that no other parent seems to object to their DCs doing this. (Swapping is OK, though I'm considering curtailing this too) Other parents might possibly insist that their DC says thank you for the unreciprocated snack, but most tell their DCs to 'see if minivlad will share'.

AIBU to think that it's bad manners to pester for food? If I gave every child a snack that asked for one (or two or three or four) then I'd spend a bloody fortune - playdates are already really expensive with DCs demanding snacks all the time during the walk home!

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 25/04/2015 23:49

Are you saying that as you walk home through the park with your child other children come up to you and ask you for food?

DrankSangriaInThePark · 25/04/2015 23:51

So random kids ask you for food when they see you walking around with yours? Who is eating?
And after playdates your child's friends ask you for food as you walk them home?
Is that right?
How very odd.

Lilybensmum1 · 25/04/2015 23:52

Sorry I have never experienced this I have 2 DC and often take them and their friends to the park and have never known any to ask other for food. Very weird.

Nayville · 25/04/2015 23:53

Yeah that's an odd situation. Well, it is to me anyway. I'd feel quite embarrassed if mine was asking other parents for food.

RedCheckedTablecloth · 25/04/2015 23:53

My nieces are always clamouring for food. They eat lunch at school, have a 'snack' on the way home, then a 'snack' and a drink at home. Then tea. Then milk and cookies before bed.

When do they actually get allowed to be hungry?

FarFromAnyRoad · 25/04/2015 23:54

Can't get my head round your story at all. It's so far outside of anything I've experienced that now seems like a very good time to go to bed. I hope that whatever is causing you angst gets resolved.

Nayville · 25/04/2015 23:55

Lol FarFrom. You sound slightly spooked.

SavoyCabbage · 25/04/2015 23:56

So, you are bringing your dd an apple to eat on the way home and then other children are coming up to you as you walk home asking for an apple?

BaronVonShush · 25/04/2015 23:56

My DD often asks other adults for food if they are giving snacks to their own kids. I hate it. And I tell her its rude.

Its even worse if the other parents are encouraging it!

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 23:57

Just smile and tell them no and that they should go and ask their mum/dad for something.

Are they children you and your DD know? How old are they?

It's very odd for them to ask if they don't (and if they do tbh), especially with the thing of not accepting sweets and that from people you don't know in the 70s/80s.

Cheeky beggers, I know what it's like to need a babybel if you catch sight of one, but not good for children to go up begging for food.

RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 25/04/2015 23:59

I also am struggling with this. I've never encountered children pestering random people for snacks.

But if this does happen then yes it's rude and they should be discouraged.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/04/2015 23:59

I think it's dreadful manners and the parents should definitely not be encouraging it

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2015 00:00

Are you sure they're children and not ducks?

Original poster
vladthedisorganised · 26/04/2015 00:01

Yep. We walk a mile home so I bring DD something to eat on the way; but as we walk past the park we do get children running up and clamouring for food if they see DD eating something. If the parents recognise DD at all then the 'see if minivlad will share' gets trotted out. It's not as if it's anything massively exciting either - more like a pack of raisins or something!

Playdates - generally it's a question of feeding the other playdate children on the way home in the same way as DD, but they all seem to want way more than she eats and seem quite aggrieved when they don't get a fourth packet of raisins..

I had a complex about being seen as the neighbourhood larder, but this seems to be fairly common with the other parents too - the minute they give their own DC a snack, the locusts descend.

OP posts:
Blu · 26/04/2015 00:02

Are you providing massive bags of Minstrels and Quavers while the other parents offer rice cakes, or something?

Just be very breezy but firm and say 'Sorry, No! We're all just eating our own snacks today ' and never give out good agian. They'll soon stop pestering you.

Original poster
vladthedisorganised · 26/04/2015 00:04

Exactly as SavoyCabbage and BaronvonShush describe!

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 26/04/2015 00:04

Ah! That explains it Worra. Clever.

OwlinaTree · 26/04/2015 00:05

How strange! Presumably you have shared in the past them so parents think you fine mind. Blu's advice sounds good.

OwlinaTree · 26/04/2015 00:06

Don't not fine.

AgentZigzag · 26/04/2015 00:08

'If the parents recognise DD at all then the 'see if minivlad will share' gets trotted out.'

The cheeky bastards Shock

I wouldn't deliberately get something out for the DDs if they were playing with other DCs unless I had enough to share, but if you're just walking home and they're flocking then encouraging their DC to mak a bee line for your DDs snacks is something completely different.

Grin at worra.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 00:08

I agree with the advice - you have to become hard line now and say "sorry, I don't have enough to share any more" or what Blu said.

They'll soon stop pestering when they don't get anything.

I'd be mortified if my 2 DSs did this though!

AgentZigzag · 26/04/2015 00:09

Have I missed it, how old are the DC?

QueenBean · 26/04/2015 00:10

Incredible. You must have some special magical powers for other children to be so interested in this amazing food you bring with you. What is it, hog roast that you waft through the streets so that you're a sort of Jamie Oliver crossed with the Pied Piper?

SavoyCabbage · 26/04/2015 00:10

I would bring something unsharable like an apple or a piece of cheese. Or nothing. Then it's not an issue at all.

MakeItACider · 26/04/2015 00:15

Happens a bit on our school run too. But they are all children from DS's school, and usually it's his classmates. Some parents are good about stopping them, others are rubbish.

I've gotten used to being far more firm. I don't mind him sharing with some children but not with all of them.

I encourage him to share with his close friends, and they will always share with him. But there's some children who NEVER share their snack, who are the worst of the locusts. I just send them on their merry way, usually. But if we're got loads to spare I don't mind giving them out, but that's only very occasionally.

But I DO draw the line at children coming up and asking on behalf of a DIFFERENT child. (happened at a mini picnic last week that a few of us had organised.) I tell them no, and the person wanting it can ask for themselves, thank you very much.