to think that children pestering adults for food is bad manners?

[vladthedisorganised]

Have posted about this on another thread but it is annoying me a bit.
DD and I walk home from school past a local park. It's a reasonable walk (we don't have a car) so when I go to collect her from school, I usually bring her something to eat on the way back.

There's a fair amount of children that come up to other parents asking for a snack, as well as their own. This gets awkward when we then see them again in the local park - many have been driven there while we've walked - and I'll be ambushed again by more children as we go past. The parents appear to bring something for their own children to eat, but this doesn't seem sufficient - particularly when other DCs are mooching the food in question.

What gets me is that I'm very firm with DD that she shouldn't be bugging other parents for food; but it is getting hard when she can see that no other parent seems to object to their DCs doing this. (Swapping is OK, though I'm considering curtailing this too) Other parents might possibly insist that their DC says thank you for the unreciprocated snack, but most tell their DCs to 'see if minivlad will share'.

AIBU to think that it's bad manners to pester for food? If I gave every child a snack that asked for one (or two or three or four) then I'd spend a bloody fortune - playdates are already really expensive with DCs demanding snacks all the time during the walk home!

This also reminds me of the family I know who host a "bring and share" birthday party for their children. The children attending have to bring food with them (and enough to share around) and a present for the birthday child and a smaller present for the sibling so that the birthday family don't have the hassle of doing anything. These parents probably have no qualms about their kids asking strangers for food!

Unless your walk home takes over an hour, any child can manage without a snack on the way home. My DSD is skinny and has healthy lunches, but she can easily walk 35mins home without needing a snack before setting off! When she gets home I give her chopped up fruit, yogurt and a biscuit. I'm sure if she got into routine of a snack straight out of school she would start nagging for one and saying she 'needed' it. As another poster said, if they really need a sugar boost before walk, give them some fruit juice.
I agree it looks awful when kids munch on snacks as they walk home.

I've always understood that 'little and often' or 5 small meals are better for the body than "three square meals" a day and no snacking.

0700 breakfast (one piece of toast or cereal)
1030 Mid morning piece of fruit
1230 Small lunch - sandwich, yoghurt, fruit
1600 Snack of fruit or crackers or flapjack
1830 Evening meal

This works well for her considering that she has timetabled PE twice a week (40 mins) & swimming once a week (40 mins), then voluntary afterschool sports 3 times a week (45 mins), gymnastics once a week (2 hours 30) and swimming with me on a Saturday morning (after which we both have a banana smoothie at the gym)

She also walks just under a mile to and from school every day.

The British Military is very much on board with this type of eating as well - which is why we probably go along with it - units tend to have morning and afternoon "NAAFI Breaks" where the boys stop, have a break (a coffee and a snack) every day. Most of them have daily PT sessions so these 'top-ups' are deemed necessary.

Of course things like 2 donuts or large bags of crisps aren't a good thing, but the OP was talking about a small box of raisens, not a bag of chips

I think the "snack" issue depends on individual family preferences. I am a constant grazer and find it perfectly normal that mine want to eat in between meals. Others have 3 clearly defined meals and do not deviate from this.

Horses for courses really. It is not "wrong" for a child to eat something on the way home.

I bring dd snacks after school. There is a specific other family we share with, and the other mum brings stuff to share and vv. The mum noticed her kids were always after dd's snacks and so sensibly realised her kids were hungry and brought stuff too.

If dd wants to share with others she can but we don't seem to get the hoards you describe.

However I can see it would be irritating and the parents inviting dcs to "see if mini vlad will share" is beyond the pale (pail?) rude.

You have to start saying "no we don't have enough ".

I always say no when the bigger kids try to share ds' baby snacks as they are expensive (we don't always have them) and bigger kids can eat anything.

I am a bit reading this thread and my ds, much younger at almost 3, is a scavenger for food and probably gives the impression he's not fed at all. On the contrary he has plenty/lots but I don't bring snacks if meeting friends in playground because I would rather he have a decent break between snacks/meals. Others seem to have a constant stream of snacks tho and he does ask and it's often just doled out even before he does which I would rather didn't happen. I probably should become more firm on him asking too.. in our swimming pool the rule is no snacks in the changing room but no one else keeps the rule and again he asks. I thought it was normal enough for a child his age when he doesn't have his own and didn't want to make a big deal of it, though hate looking stingy whilst I am just keeping the rule, but am going to get a but firmer. Most of the mums offer too which makes it harder to say no.

Op I don't think you're unreasonable at all and saying you only have enough for your ds seems more than fair. Again I do feel bad if ever in this situation as most toddlers' mums seem to bring days' worgh of food rather than a single portion snack which I would bring.

Blimey. Do it is a modern sign off everything going to the dogs if you take a banana for a 4yo to eat before they head off on a 1.5 mile walk.

My kids got very fractious after school as they were hungry. So give them a bite to eat and all is well. But no! This a sign off terrible parenting. What you need to do is have a nightmare journey home with a hungry little one because that is the "correct" way of doing it.

As for fat, um, no. Probably because of the long walk combined with all the tree climbing there was energy for after the banana consumption.

Done people are just so miserable aren't they. Oh no you mustn't give them a slice of bread on the street, which will cause no bother and make life a bit better for all concerned, note it's all got to be a struggle. And if your 4yo is hungry after school either there is something wrong with them or you are parenting then wrong. Oh and probably you're all fat bastards to boot!

It's boggling. People really think it is revolting to give a small child an apple after school? Classic mn!

In THE OLDEN Days it would have been so rude to eat in front of anyone or in streets.Now, I dunno anymore.

Perhaps people have crossed over the puppy training lessons of 'little reward' treats' to children?

Feeling 'hungry' before proper meals is a good thing,as is learning to wait for things.

concernedaunty I bet those parties were popular.
I think I would be declining the invitation myself

whirl nope nothing wrong with an apple, ever. My point is that it often isn't an apple, people do seem obsessed by food. Like it or not as a country we are fat as fuck. You don't get fat with apples.

Sounds like the DC these days eat way too much sugar/processed carbs and that's why they are "crashing" (fruit, yoghurt, toast, cereal).

Mine never ever had a snack walking home ( a mile) from primary school.

I would ditch the raisins OP( sugary and terrible for teeth) and if she has to have something then its a small roll with ham/chicken.

The parents send their kids over to your kids to see if they'll share their snacks?? That sounds ridiculously cheeky.

I hate seeing people walking along eating-totally irrational -just one of my things -but I think people are making a valid point re pacifying children with food, whether it is healthy food or not, could lead to an unhealthy relationship with food.

Got the moon certainly thinks there is something wrong with giving a 4yo an apple after school before a 1.5 mile walk home.

It will mean they grow up with no moral fibre, or something.

Some threads I think, well I don't agree but I can see where they're coming from. This? Not so much!

and a firm "No" to the children begging - seriously I can hardly believe this actually happens ! How rude !

And some more who say 4yo must not have something to tide them over after school.

And if they do it will lead to eating disorders.

ERM right. If it was a family size pack of sweets on the way to the car, sure. A Marmite sandwich made out of one folded slice of bread? Is the end of the world! That 4yo is doomed to a life of eating disorders and a weak character.

Am proper lol @ this tbh.

Is silly!

Op, bring an apple for Dd. better for her and nobody will ask.

My Dc were too busy skipping along climbing on walls or racing each other to eat.

I have to say Im not a fan of eating in the street either< old gimmer>

No no no don't bring her an apple!

Are you crazy?

Almost everyone brings a snack after school at DCs school even if it's a 5 minute walk home. In fact the reception teacher positively encouraged it and then it just carries on. DS does pester people for snacks which I ALWAYS tell him off for ( he is 6) but it is always the parents we know well if they happen to have a whole packet of biscuits etc and they always ask me first. Equally we share as well. Generally though everyone brings just enough for their own kids. When there's a play date it's a matter of great importance particularly to DD what snacks I'll bring....

Whirly,I said olden days! Also that nowadays I dunno anymore.

I do think that parents now know far more than we ever knew (Mumsnet),so I did not judge anyone.Just stated my wonder at the new ways.

Mine never ever asked for anything Whirlpool.
It wasn't a "thing" to feed your DC straight after school .