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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that children pestering adults for food is bad manners?

237 replies

vladthedisorganised · 25/04/2015 23:47

Have posted about this on another thread but it is annoying me a bit.
DD and I walk home from school past a local park. It's a reasonable walk (we don't have a car) so when I go to collect her from school, I usually bring her something to eat on the way back.

There's a fair amount of children that come up to other parents asking for a snack, as well as their own. This gets awkward when we then see them again in the local park - many have been driven there while we've walked - and I'll be ambushed again by more children as we go past. The parents appear to bring something for their own children to eat, but this doesn't seem sufficient - particularly when other DCs are mooching the food in question.

What gets me is that I'm very firm with DD that she shouldn't be bugging other parents for food; but it is getting hard when she can see that no other parent seems to object to their DCs doing this. (Swapping is OK, though I'm considering curtailing this too) Other parents might possibly insist that their DC says thank you for the unreciprocated snack, but most tell their DCs to 'see if minivlad will share'.

AIBU to think that it's bad manners to pester for food? If I gave every child a snack that asked for one (or two or three or four) then I'd spend a bloody fortune - playdates are already really expensive with DCs demanding snacks all the time during the walk home!

OP posts:
Candycoco · 26/04/2015 08:50

I would never allow my child to eat walking down the street, I think it looks awful. Surely a mile only takes 20 mins to walk home and she could wait until you get home to eat?

I would never allow this to happen, just tell the other kids no and train your child to tell them no as well!

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 26/04/2015 08:51

DDs school has 'snack break' in the mornings at about 1030 where kids can have something small to eat (fruit, cereal bars, crackers etc - no sweets or crisps). I used to give DD a banana or Apple most days. All of a sudden she 'went off' bananas/fruit and started asking for crackers or cereal bars. It turned out that she was giving hers away to a 'friend' - who didn't like fruit and had asked DD to get something else instead Shock. The same 'friend' used to ask DD for her Frube at lunchtime and would sulk DD said no. I only found out because one of the dinner ladies took me aside.

Funny, this girl isn't DDs friend any more because "DD doesn't share"

Cheeky mare.

chocolatelife · 26/04/2015 08:58

another one who doesnt know why you need to feed her a snack on the way home
if necessary I would see if she had anything in her lunch box left over.

but the sharing is just bizarre.

bonzo77 · 26/04/2015 09:02

YANBU. ds gets a small snack after school to prevent melt down mode. I give him boring stuff and I don't see this begging that you describe. But I find what you are describing utterly horrible. And I notice that "sharing" seems to involve the unreciprocated giving away of stuff. That's not sharing IMO.

We had a play date over this week. An old friend who had gradually become more unpleasant in the 3 years we've known him. Boastful, competitive and greedy. Oh and the pestering for food, complaining about lack of chocolate and ice cream in particular! He's 5. I don't have any chocolate or ice cream in the house. Ever. He wouldn't shut up about it. Didn't eat the dinner (he's fussy and I'd specifically made what he said he'd eat) then whined for pudding. Ugh!

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 26/04/2015 09:11

Ds1 will often do this, but he has SNs and no impulse control whatsoever. I always step in and tell him "no" but it hasn't helped that on some occasions I say "no" and some people have said "oh really, it's okay" and given him something. Hmm Thanks - kind of you, however, you've made my job about a zillion times harder now.

WizardOfToss · 26/04/2015 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosy71 · 26/04/2015 09:14

My first thought was why on earth do you need a snack on the way home? It's never occurred to me to give mine a snack then. Perhaps that's why I've never experienced other children asking me for food. Confused

whooshbangprettycolours · 26/04/2015 09:19

The world is obsessed by food and snacks. A mile is not a long walk for a 5 year old, a 6 mile walk is.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 26/04/2015 09:20

Phew, glad it wasn't just me last night thinking wtf....
I get the giving one's own child a snack but I don't get why you are cross about the children you are taking home for a playdate having one. If I have read that bit right.

NurseRoscoe · 26/04/2015 09:23

I have never encountered this before, well my eldest is 3 and has been playing with another little toddler in play areas, he's had something to eat and the other child is stood there looking sort of hopeful, so I will ask their parents if it's ok (in case of allergies or something) then will give them some as well. Other parents have also done this to my little boy which I think is really nice of them although I would tell him off if he asked, I've told him many times if he is hungry he asks mummy or daddy for a snack. My youngest is only 22 months old and at home I put fruit and things out for them on little plates for them to help themselves to whilst they are playing (maybe I am wrong to do this I don't know, just as they are too small to get things out the fridge if they want them) but a couple of times he has tried to take food from people's tables, again he was told no & I was really embarrassed even though he's just a baby.

What got me was other parents asking their child to ask if your daughter will share! I find that disgraceful!

MakeHayRidesAgain · 26/04/2015 09:24

I take a snack for dd if we are going to walk the mile home, if we are going to drive I don't. My dcs have close friends and if we are out for the day and I'm taking a nice snack I'll bring enough for them too, but I wouldn't give out snacks to children at the park. A gentle no, go ask your mum/dad usually works if I've been asked.

IDontDoIroning · 26/04/2015 09:24

Take something that's difficult to share like banana Apple etc a small roll or sandwich nothing that's bitty. Also something that's less nice or treat like would be less attractive. You probably are identified as the go to person for these now so you will have to work at breaking the association.
When asked say no I only have enough for us today why not ask your mum to bring some for you next time.
Also raisins aren't really good for teeth.

sebsmummy1 · 26/04/2015 09:28

I think the answer is just wait until you get home and provide food then. No one is going to faint as a result of no food on a 5 min walk. The 30 min malingering that goes on might actually cease if your DC isn't chomping and walking.

If you think food is absolutely essential then just give them one thing to eat, one sweet, one piece of apple etc and the rest are at home waiting.

Higheredserf · 26/04/2015 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreylady · 26/04/2015 09:30

A small Marmite sandwich on brown bread seems to solve the problem. That's what I take to the park if we go after school along with a bottle of water. No one has ever asked to share and dgs wouldn't dream of asking anyone for food.

momtothree · 26/04/2015 09:33

My friends son is diabetic and i have witnessed parents giving him food in the playground - hes 5 and would take it. You do need to be careful. Think that some may have nut allergies etc - also saying yes occasionally will encourage them to keep asking.

Cadenza1818 · 26/04/2015 09:34

As no one else has experienced this, I'll give my view as we have. We usually go.to park after school and I always take some fruit and biscuits and one day is sweet day. However, there are one or two mums who take loads of stuff and start handing it out. So now it's my kids who are asking for stuff which I do find rude and embarrassing And I've told them so
so. Thing is the other kids all get one so I feel it's unfair fo my kids not to. But, what do I do then? Should I be buying multipack snax for other kids as you don't want to be the one always taking. It is only these 2 mums and ones a.childminder.. No one else is doing it. We do tend to.share our snax if one of the other mums has stopped unprepared and impromptu.

CaspianSea · 26/04/2015 09:36

The other parents are rude but you need to be firm. Just say loudly 'no, your mum needs to bring you your own snack if you want one'. The kids sound greedy and grabby. Are they overweight?

I hate it when DSC have friends over and friends keep nagging for snacks (they have dinner then nag for biscuits/icecream/chocolate yet funnily enough reject fruit!)

Having said that, your DD does not 'need' a snack on way home. A mile is not a long walk. She will not faint with hunger. If she moans use it as a chance to reach good manners re nagging for food. I agree with posters who are saying it looks awful when kids eat in street, IMO it's really bad to let them get into habit of eating as they walk. Why not give her the snack at home?

chocolatelife · 26/04/2015 09:37

mine are all older teens now, but we did used to walk a mile home,

that explains why mine have always been slim,
no snacking on the way home.

base9 · 26/04/2015 09:51

Take a drink instead. If she has a bit of milk or juice or water she will perk up from the after-school slump but no one will ask to share.

I always used to hate other parents handing out snacks as though their dc would starve before dinner, then like OP getting annoyed when other kids beg. Mine used to try to scrounge too, and it took ages to threaten them out of that behaviour. I didn't want my dc eating the snacks and if they had not seen everyone else eating then they wouldn't have been hungry.

Yes it is rude to beg for food but also an expected consequence of eating in front of young children with poor self control who are not eating.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 26/04/2015 09:53

DD always has a snack after school. She's very slim - bordering on skinny. She does PE twice a day 3 days a week, and gymnastics once a week.

She takes a packed lunch because School lunches are very small portions and she isn't keen on what is provided. A sandwich, yoghurt and fruit isn't enough to sustain her energy levels and she 'crashes' by 4pm. A snack brings her back on board.

whooshbangprettycolours · 26/04/2015 09:54

I Really do think people's perception of what's needed to sustain a child are totally wharped. No wonder there are so many fat adults, this 'need' to eat is started as kids.

SavoyCabbage · 26/04/2015 09:54

My friend brings six doughnuts every night to school. Two for each of her dc. She does it so that they are always pleased to see her she told me.

Madmum24 · 26/04/2015 10:04

If they are very little I wouldn't put it past one or two children (who possibly might not be allowed to snack and are starving) to ask. However the encouraging parents, that is shocking!

I was invited to a playdate where the Mum's had lunch together. One little boy was begging food from the host's plate (he had already finished his and his Mum had a full plate) and the Mum said to the host "Come on, share! You can have some of your husbands!" This is the type of attitude that creates entitled children.

I would be mortified if my children asked someone for food, however, on the few occasions that I have been asked by a child I always give something (telling them to ask their Mum/Dad if they are allowed first)

SconessMcFloness · 26/04/2015 10:06

It's not usual for dcs to on the scrounge though....some parents are stricter than others and some dcs are greedy. I never did the snack at school playground thing despite having a 10-15min walk, I was completely amazed at the packets of buns and sweets the other parents brought in and my dcs were very envious too but they were not allowed to ask anyone for food! I'd change over to fruit veg or chicken/cheese, if dcs are hungry they'll eat food not junk.