to think that children pestering adults for food is bad manners?

[vladthedisorganised]

Have posted about this on another thread but it is annoying me a bit.
DD and I walk home from school past a local park. It's a reasonable walk (we don't have a car) so when I go to collect her from school, I usually bring her something to eat on the way back.

There's a fair amount of children that come up to other parents asking for a snack, as well as their own. This gets awkward when we then see them again in the local park - many have been driven there while we've walked - and I'll be ambushed again by more children as we go past. The parents appear to bring something for their own children to eat, but this doesn't seem sufficient - particularly when other DCs are mooching the food in question.

What gets me is that I'm very firm with DD that she shouldn't be bugging other parents for food; but it is getting hard when she can see that no other parent seems to object to their DCs doing this. (Swapping is OK, though I'm considering curtailing this too) Other parents might possibly insist that their DC says thank you for the unreciprocated snack, but most tell their DCs to 'see if minivlad will share'.

AIBU to think that it's bad manners to pester for food? If I gave every child a snack that asked for one (or two or three or four) then I'd spend a bloody fortune - playdates are already really expensive with DCs demanding snacks all the time during the walk home!

I can understand your annoyance. We don't do snacks after school as we drive home, but with recent dancing rehearsals I did get fed up with feeding far more than the 3 children I turned up with.

I solved this by giving each a lunch box abpnd saying if they shared, there was no more.

That is bloody bad manners and it wouldn't occur to my DC to do it.

To all those saying that a 4/5/6 year old can't be hungry just 3 hours after lunch... Are you always hungry at the same time EVERY day?
Do you never ever have a snack?
Sometimes for me, the same lunch that filled me up yesterday, won't today, and I am hungry 2/3 hours later.
Why shouldn't it be the same for a child?
Especially if they have had P.E that afternoon, or they have a long walk home.
Why should they be deprived of a quick snack simply because some other parents don't teach their children some damn manners!
Okay, they may not 'need' a snack on the way home, and as they get older, the 'hunger' doesn't need to be addressed straight away, but why should someone say their DC can't have something just because other kids are jealous they haven't got any?!
My DC have toys that other DC don't have, are they expected to give them up and lend them out because the other DC wants them? No!
So why is it that they should automatically share their food?

If other parents can't stop their kids asking for food, perhaps they should supply their own. It's not my job to feed their child.
I have no qualms with telling a child that no, it's my DCs food and if they want something they should go and ask their own mummy for something to eat.

Walking home the 2 miles after school, having hardly eaten the inedible school lunches we we served in the 70's ,none of us fainted or fussed about food. Reaching home we were given a biscuit and drink to sustain us until tea. I never fed my children on the way home from school. I work in a school and watch them all running out and being stuffed with snacks.They are never ever allowed to be hungry consequently a huge number of them are fat.

Thank you everyone who has given constructive advice and, erm, food for thought.

TBH in terms of giving DD a snack on the way home, I freely admit that it is "lazy parenting" on my part. I want her to be used to walking places as the norm. I want her to jump around and explore things. I don't want her to cry all the way home because I won't give her a small snack that all the kids get who are driven everywhere - the same distance, often, that we walk. Is it 'easier' for me to believe that she's hungry (rather than decide that she's greedy) and give her a snack rather than go through the 'hangry'ness and teach her to be hungry for longer periods? Yes. Had I anticipated that this is unfair to the other car-driven children who want an extra snack? No.

So, I consider myself told. DD will not be given a snack from here on in, nor will anyone else, and we will all (in the long run) be happier for it. Maybe. At least there's a general consensus that I shouldn't expect to feed everyone else's children!

Well, I will still be giving my 5 year old a snack when I pick him up from school no matter what our mode of transport is because he is often very hungry and it takes at least 30-45 mins to get home. OP I suggest you do what is right for your child, and ignore other DCs pestering you/ politely state you only brought food for one snack - don't feel judged for giving snacks.

I cannot understand why some posters are adamant that a five/six year old can't possibly be hungry at 3.30. if they have last eaten at 12.

I think the point is that it is highly unlikely that they are so hungry that they can't wait half an hour or less, particularly if they have been given an adequate and nutritious lunch. Bear in mind also that the likelihood is that they will actually have eaten at around 12.30.

It's hardly rude to give your DD a snack when all the other pestering kids have already had a snack from their parents!

Perfectly normal to give an active small child a wholesome snack , top in the park and give them some exercise, then resume the walk home. No need at all for it to involve dropping any litter!

I suppose small children are so often told to 'share' that packets of things are seen as something to offer round or expect to be shared. A flapjack or an apple or a banana or a cheese sandwich less so.

Do what suits you and your dd best, OP - perfectly reasonable to tell other pestering children 'sorry, we're not giving out snacks today!"

Teatowel, maybe it's because they don't walk the 2 miles home that you did? My DD (preschooler) walks 4 mile round trip to collect her brother from school. She's probably done more like 5 miles on your average day as we will walk to the park in the day and she is extremely active! My DS walks minimum 2 miles on the way home. He then plays football once back home. I provide a snack for both of them but they don't have a biscuit when they get home like you did, what's the difference? They both have metobolic rates of a gerbil and can eat a lot! They're not the least bit fat, both under the 25% percentile, so why the hell would I not increase the speed and better the mood, particularly of my 4 year old, with a small snack for a 2 mile walk, up one long hill? Besides, if a child is slim and doesn't put any weight on from snacks what is the problem?

I'm 37 my brother's 40 we were always snacking as was my DH and his brother and all our friends who would come in to our house from playing on the street. All of us thin children. So certainly I don't remember the 'no snacks' era, when was it?

These kids seem very rude tbh. Are they really that ravenous that they have to pester somebody elses mum for food. Odd behaviour imo.

How strange some people are, why shouldn't a parent give their child a snack on the way home? Maybe the school lunches are no good, maybe it's a particularly hungry child, maybe they have errands to run or eat dinner later. It really isn't something that even has to be justified.

If you're responsible for other DC's e.g. you're walking them home then you should certainly offer them some too but you shouldn't have to provide something for the entire school because the other DC's might happen to see yours eating. I'd probably make it something healthy so your DC isn't parading around a king sized mars bar while the others look on but if the other DC are hungry their parents can surely provide their own apples?

Oh this thread is so funny. I can't believe some people are aghast at the thought of a child eating on the way home from school. Little children often don't eat much at lunch time because they are too busy nattering or pushing food around their plates. Why would you expect a child to be happy and well-behaved on an empty stomach after a demanding day at school? Much more comfortable to have a snack to tide them over til tea.