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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that children pestering adults for food is bad manners?

237 replies

vladthedisorganised · 25/04/2015 23:47

Have posted about this on another thread but it is annoying me a bit.
DD and I walk home from school past a local park. It's a reasonable walk (we don't have a car) so when I go to collect her from school, I usually bring her something to eat on the way back.

There's a fair amount of children that come up to other parents asking for a snack, as well as their own. This gets awkward when we then see them again in the local park - many have been driven there while we've walked - and I'll be ambushed again by more children as we go past. The parents appear to bring something for their own children to eat, but this doesn't seem sufficient - particularly when other DCs are mooching the food in question.

What gets me is that I'm very firm with DD that she shouldn't be bugging other parents for food; but it is getting hard when she can see that no other parent seems to object to their DCs doing this. (Swapping is OK, though I'm considering curtailing this too) Other parents might possibly insist that their DC says thank you for the unreciprocated snack, but most tell their DCs to 'see if minivlad will share'.

AIBU to think that it's bad manners to pester for food? If I gave every child a snack that asked for one (or two or three or four) then I'd spend a bloody fortune - playdates are already really expensive with DCs demanding snacks all the time during the walk home!

OP posts:
WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 26/04/2015 15:19

Erm. No?

I'm surprised you admit it though. But then posting that link was a bit odd and it's there for everyone to see, so.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 26/04/2015 15:19

DD and her mate have not long been back in and taken a punnet of strawberries and carton of juice back out with them - they could have taken crisps, biscuits or chocolate because we have them all and no food is rationed in my house, but they chose the strawberries. I'm pretty happy with that.

DDs mate is always hungry when she comes here (or says she is) and I know her parents don't allow snacking, but I made it clear to her mum that I wouldn't say no if she was playing with DD and mum accepts that - different house, different rules and all that. At last glance they were playing French cricket on the green, so they aren't sedentary. DD had a big breakfast I think (sleepover) but no lunch, so I'm not surprised she's hungry now.

SingingHinnies · 26/04/2015 15:19

Whirlpool that's so true, there was nothing on other than an hour or so after school and Saturday morning TV. There was nothing else to do but play out unless you sat with you Dp's watching some boring adult TV.

Luckily where i live on a council estate it is still more or less the same, there are kids in most of the house's so always a lane full of kids and it's really safe as it's made up of cul de sacs with no through road. As i am typing this there are 7 kids in my lane on bikes and scooters, my DD has been out since 10am, came in for her Sunday lunch and has been out ever since and will be out till tea time.

She gets plenty of exercise so i don't mind her snacking, she will come in and bolt down her tea the back out, she can't go out till she eats her meals and she knows this so eats them.

I feel a bit sad for kids who can't do this, some of my nieces and nephews can't play out as they live somewhere where it's not safe or there are no other kids in the street

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 26/04/2015 15:20

Mmmm strawberries, sounds lovely Smile

Justusemyname · 26/04/2015 15:22

Just take enough for your dd then.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 26/04/2015 15:22

Sounds brilliant, singing!

Kids don't really play out round here unfortunately. BUT like I say the school walk is lovely and so they all do a lot of running about together and playing then, with the parents strolling behind somewhere slowly chatting.

Again that sort of thing is dependent on who is doing childcare and what their arrangements are. Lots of things are just different now and I guess we all need to try and navigate it as best we can.

SingingHinnies · 26/04/2015 15:29

I think a lot of people are scared to let their kids play out now so there are less kids about, probably if everyone let them out so there was a bigger group then others would let there's out as well, there are also more roads and less green spaces now. There's also less sense of community, everyone used to look out for each others kids now i think people just keep themselves to themselves when they are at home

gotthemoononastick · 26/04/2015 15:34

Oh dear!An interesting thread with lots of opinions now marred for me because some people call others who they don't agree with nasty names.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 26/04/2015 15:38

Singing totally agree with that. I think the change is mostly due to much more traffic isn't it. And maybe changes in who is looking after kids at what times etc. Many don't go home after school, there is less of a pool of mums keeping an eye on things, that sort of thing.

Anyway whatever the reason, as soon as there's less, it becomes like a decreasing spiral, because there is less "safety in numbers" and the parents who allow it start getting looked at askance and it all just falls off.

climbingquickly · 26/04/2015 15:40

How silly to say your child 'needs' a snack to sustain them on the walk home! What will happen if they don't get their snack? They will have a tantrum because they are hungry and can't wait half an hour?
They are not toddlers, they need to learn to cope with feeling a bit hungry at times and not whinging about it. Feeling hungry is no reason to get in a strop. Imagine if they threw a strop every time they hadn't eaten for a few hours?

Of course they are tired and have a healthy appetite after school. My DC always said they were 'starving' after school but never nagged for food on the 30min walk home. They knew they would get fruit, milk and a flapjack when we got home. Of course they were capable of walking home without it, and probably appreciated it more!

I agree with SilverBirch, you should not give your kids snacks in front of other kids and expect other kids not to want some too. Its hard for your kids not to share when their friends want some, and it teaches them to be selfish and greedy about food. If you absolutely must feed your kids on the way home, at least wait until you're out of sight of other kids.

I hate seeing kids walking along stuffing food into their mouths and dropping litter. It's bad for their digestion to eat while walking as well as bad manners to talk and eat at same time. Get them into this routine of eating snacks straight after school and when they're teenagers they're likely to be walking home eating crisps, chocolate and other fatty junk food.

As for mums saying they want to detour to park so kids can climb trees and run around, why would they be doing this in their school uniforms? Most people I know take children home for a snack and change of clothes before letting them play out.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 26/04/2015 15:45

Just turned 4 is quite small though? I think of them as being quite near "toddler" really, in terms of development.

I think of children that age as still very small, personally.

Oh just seen you don't think children should be messing up their school uniforms by playing and stuff on the way home. Righto.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 15:45

climbing mine (and l am sure others)
Come out of school with low blood sugar.
I am lucky that l live almost next door to the school, so give them a snack at home.
This also goes hand in hand, with many children attending schools miles from their homes.
That is something that wasn't so common when l was small.
I can remember the option of 'home dinners'

Most children don't enjoy school food, so pick at it.
The illusive perfect lunchbox is also tricky to provide...so,all reasons for ravenous kids at pick up!

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 26/04/2015 15:47

As for mums saying they want to detour to park so kids can climb trees and run around, why would they be doing this in their school uniforms? Most people I know take children home for a snack and change of clothes before letting them play out.

Really? They would actually take 20 or 30 minutes out of their day to change clothes? Why?

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 26/04/2015 15:49

My kids come out of school at 4 ravenously hungry. They're growing several inches a year and often play rugby or cricket in the afternoon, sustained by a pretty meagre lunch as far as I can tell. I wouldn't deny them an after school snack.

reni1 · 26/04/2015 15:51

I actually understand both sides here. I don't bring a snack, a child past toddler age is able to be hungry or a bit cold or tired without immediately addressing this discomfort. Waiting until home is OK if it is a mile away. It is also weird to snack and not offer.

On the other hand, it is rude to ask or as the op said almost assume a share.

SingingHinnies · 26/04/2015 15:51

Yes that's true whirlpool, i totally forgot about that aspect of it, a lot of kids in the 80's their Dm's didn't work so were SAHM's, now the kids go to after school clubs and are probably doing plenty of activities there as well so it's not all bad, just different times

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 15:52

"you should not give your kids snacks in front of other kids and expect other kids not to want some too. Its hard for your kids not to share when their friends want some, and it teaches them to be selfish and greedy about food."

OTOH, the parents of those other children could teach their own children that they shouldn't expect food/snacks just because someone else has them. Same as everything else really.

One of the children in DS1's first swimming class always had an ice cream afterwards, as his mum had had to use this as bribery to get him to go to the swimming class in the first place. Of course, when Ds1 saw this, his first reaction was to ask for an ice cream too. I said no. I have continued to say no, in fact it is now a point of policy for him NOT to get an ice cream after swimming. He stopped asking regularly after the first few times, although he occasionally tries it on, usually once or twice a season now.

DixieNormas · 26/04/2015 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaspianSea · 26/04/2015 16:24

If my DSC played out and climbed trees in their school uniforms they would be muddy, grass-stained and torn within half an hour! I don't have time to wash and mend uniforms every night.

I agree with Climbing, it's good for kids to have a healthy mid-afternoon snack but not whilst walking home. They should learn to wait until they get in rather than associate eating treats with walking home.

MrsDeVere · 26/04/2015 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justusemyname · 26/04/2015 18:17

Lunch is often earlier in school than it would be at home. My children used to finish school at 3.15 and had a homemade muffin in the car home. This meant when we got in they weren't starving and I had time to sort the animals and get the tea on and they could do their homework without being starving. My kids are older now and eat more. Two get home at four and I leave a snack for them and take one for my youngest who finishes at four. Tea is then 5 to 5.15 depending on when we get home and what I have made.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 26/04/2015 18:58

Just checked with DD and she says they get a snack in the morning but not anything in the afternoon. I know that the infants go through to lunch at 11.45 and have 20 mins.

DixieNormas · 26/04/2015 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeyjane · 26/04/2015 19:12

How weird.

When I used to pick up the dds, we would often go over to the park before going home, in the summer they paddle in the stream and climb trees, all in their uniform, along with all the other kids.

They usually got a snack as well, it is a 30 minute walk home, and so we would walk slowly whilst they ate a bit of flapjack or whatever, and then run, scoot, home.

It would never occur to me that this isn't a normal ok thing to do!

MakeHayRidesAgain · 26/04/2015 20:03

To those asking what might happen to your child on the way home - high metabolism and low blood sugars run in our family, my mother always had to have a snack for my sister for the walk home or she would have fainted fairly quickly as she often also did into her breakfast. Does that satisfy the horrified mumsnet masses? And yes, I take one for dd if we are walking home because I, as her mother, feel that she needs one when she comes out. I'd rather not deal with a hangry child or carry a pale, tired one if I don't have to, in the same way that exDH used to chuck food at me when he recognised the signs....

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