To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

Can people seriously not see how straight people have an inherent privilege over gay people?

Sorry to derail but that's pissed me off!

I think what she's doing is really admirable. She can give an insight and point of view that others can't give i.e. supporting you through coming out etc.

Can you think of any way that her volunteering would cause abject harm?

Flora that is a great idea - thank you.

My nephew has come out as gay. He told me he has never felt discomfort and always been happy. Can he do the role or do you have to feel some sort of pain?

But as she's speaking from 'the Outside' if you like, won't she be able to show teens how best to support a lgbt friend just as she did?
Anyway if the charity believes she's a good fit for this job then it's a moot point, she's obviously has more to give than you credit her for.

She's speaking about being lgbt. As a white person, I would not speak about being black.

Have you witnessed her in action? How do you know she isnt talking to LGBT students about their experiences?

Do you really think an established LGBT charity is planning to send a hetero person into a school to tell students about being LGBT? Dont you think they would be aware enough to know a hetero person wouldnt be the best person for that role? I think you are doing them a disservice by imagining they would. However i dont believe you do think they would. I think this is about something else. Perhaps you feel she is "muscling in" on this aspect of your identity. Perhaps you are worried she will use information you have shared with her during your own experience of coming out as LGBT. Either way, identify your issue and address it. You are building resentment over this and could lose what you yourself describe as a supportive friend.

My son is transgender.

His teacher (who is married with children) has been amazing.

She went on courses, has spoken to charities and taken a lot of advice and I really couldn't fault her.

Although the rest of the school don't know she is putting things into place in her lessons such as challenging language, talking about stereotypes, learning about different types of families etc.

I really doubt she could be more supportive or do a better job if she had first hand experience herself.

Yab totally u.

I suppose a lot of it depends on what she is doing in the school and what the function is.

There is a group called diversity role models where LGBT people go in and talk to the children about their experiences. That's good for the kids to see LGBT people and also for LGBT children to see them.

If she is going to talk about supporting people and discussing some of the issues, that's fine. But she would find it difficult to talk personally about issues about growing up gay.

As a white person would you not speak out against racism OP?

YABU. I am involved with LGBT groups but am straight. I don't see why I should be excluded on the basis of my sexuality.

flora
"Why don't you ask her to deliver a typical session, discuss with her what you feel she might miss?"

Why should her friend have to do this? If I was in her position I would tell you to fuck off and be reviewing what I got out of my friendship with you.

You say yourself that your friend has been a great support to you while you were coming out - why then are you uncomfortable with her using precisely this experience to support other LGBT young people? I think YABVU.

Of course I would speak out about racism and sexism etc. I am talking about encroaching on experience. I would be more than happy for her to speak about being a straight supporter and how she helped me. That would be great for all kids. My problem is one of space.

Privilege refers to the unequal distribution of power in society. Privilege exists when that aspect of your life is seamlessly accepted into the world without scrutiny or suspicion. Personal privilege is the possession of these unearned attributes that can dictate the ease and influence one will have within society.

Privilege is a fact, not an insult. You can't help it if you have it, and you don't have to be feel guilty about it. But you do have to recognise that it exists.

But a charity wouldn't knowingly send a hetero person in to talk about actually being lgbt, they would send in someone they felt was the best qualified person to talk about one specific aspect, whatever it was. If it's being supportive or challenging homophobic attitudes then the persons orientation wouldn't matter - their experiences would.

X post - did you go for the same position?

I am a youth leader I have supported young people through many issues. Some I have first hand experience of others I don't.

Having experience can help but it can also mean you are clouded by your own experiences. The circumstances of the person providing support are irrelavant it is what they say and do that matters

Well, it depends on what the work is. Not everyone at women's aid or rape crisis has been abused, no, but those directly supporting women there are always women. Same goes for places that support men who have been abused. And some support groups are based entirely on the premise that you are connecting with people who have had similar experiences.

Midwives give care, so don't have to had babies themselves, but charities who train breastfeeding counsellors do stipulate that the BFC trainee must have breastfed a baby.

Awareness raising and fundraising can be done by anyone.

If you are talking about the Stonewall programme, I think that is more about raising awareness amongst teachers on how to tackle issues? So entirely appropriate for your friend, I would have thought.

I kind of get what you are saying.

Like I said - it very much depends on what the purpose is. Someone who is LGBT would have more credibility if they were talking about their personal experiences of growing up LGBT.

But if it's to raise awareness, then allies are great.

But she will be talking to mainly people who are cis and hetero. She will be speaking about issues that apply to them as much as anyone else. You say she will be talking about homophobia, which will directed at those who are hetero.
She won't be pretending to be anything other than she is, she'll be talking about issues relevant to everyone. How is she not qualified for that role?

Cis means you believe you are the gender you were assigned with from birth.

I kind of get where you are coming from, but still disagree in the nicest possible way. I think that by being straight person talking about lgbt, she's part of the dialogue that brings these kinds of issues from the margins of society and normalises it, makes it an issue for us all. Like Emma Watson and her He for She campaign. Women's rights wont be fully realised unless men get on board. Slavery and segregation didnt end because of the efforts of blacks alone. Am I making any sense?

And if we're going to talk about the politics of representation, lets start a discussion about the House of Commons shall we? 78% male.

You say she will be talking about homophobia, which will directed at those who are hetero

I think people who have experienced homophobia have a more powerful impact than someone who hasn't.

Same as for racism etc.

Cis refers to a person whose self-identity conforms with the gender that corresponds to their biological sex; not transgender.