To be uncomfortable that my heterosexual friend is volunteering for lgbt kids charity?

[travellingbird]

My friend has to be the most conscientious person. She is exceptionally engaged with social issues and currently works in a lefty cause (climate change). She told me she was about to start with a work-approved charity for LGBT young people in schools. The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc. She is hetero and cis. I'm gay, and she has been one of my closest friends even before I came out at 15. She has witnessed and supported me through my battles with homophobic parents. Our mutual best friend is also gay and identifies as agender.
She is well aware of her privilege (in a good way) and has aired her concerns about not being quite right for it, yet is proceeding.

So, am I unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her taking this role? Should I just be happy she is er, "helping us" and being a wonderful ally?

I think it's entirely appropriate that a hetero cis person should volunteer in this way.

There are certain people who would find it difficult to listen to an obviously homosexual or transgender person because they would not be able to relate to them. These people may find it easier to hear what a similarly privileged person is telling them.

YABU.

Mish IMO, for someone of my age, being straight is a privilege.

eh ?

You have said that you valued the support she gave you when dealing with your own sexuality, so I don't understand why it wouldn't be ok for her to extend that to others

A male obstetrician has never had a baby. Shall we be uncomfortable about that ? Many psychiatrists have never experienced mental ill health. Etc.

I can't see anything wrong. I would imagine that (given her friends' experiences) it is a charity whose work she thinks is important, and I don't think that being cis or hetero should preclude her from being a volunteer.

I am sure they have volunteers both straight, gay, trans, bi, cis and so they rightly should.
LGBT rights should be seen as 'human rights' and as such should encompass the whole spectrum. What would you rather? The issues you face be seen as 'niche issues'?(Which people like Farage and his ilk seem to think)
I volunteer for an Asian women's coffee morning. I am not Asian. My DP is a member of a feminist society. He is a man.

Your friend sounds awesome.
You sound ridiculous.

I can see why you are thinking how you are, to an extent. However, what you're saying further perpetuates the segregation.

Your friend has her own experiences to offer. She's doing a good thing. Maybe you should volunteer?

She has supported you and obviously feels passionate about the issue.

I don't get it really. She's an ally, she feels passionately enough to commit and by dint of her life/ friends ... sounds well informed.
All peer ed/ young persons ed tends to veer away from personal disclosure (not appropriate by the educator). If she's good at working with young people (not for everyone) then yeay?
She's aware of her privilege. But is this a check your privilege scenario? She's facilitating school based LGBT groups, ideally these become pupil led and a charities input becomes guidance/ support and facilitation over leading/ directing.

It sounds like the pupils she's aiming at aren't the gay ones anyway. She's there to talk to straight cis teens about why they shouldn't harrass others, (even unintentionally) and she's perfectly well qualified to do this.

If she were volunteering on a helpline counselling gay teems struggling with their sexuality then that might be more problematic.

You sound heterophobic, OP!

I would imagine that most people who collect for charities-you know, all those thousands of people rattling buckets day in day out-have never 'had' what they are collecting for. Should they stop?
Of course not.
I hate racism and homophobia, but I'm white and straight, is that not allowed?

BTW, climate change doesn't just affect 'lefties'.

Unless you have experienced your friend to hold unacceptable views or pass judgment on LGBT people in the past yabu. As other posters have stated many charities rely on the support of volunteers who may on not have been in the situation before. In fact maybe it was a conscious decision by the recruiters, a positive role model who isn't LGBT, to show young people that people can be good and supportive regardless of their sexuality or gender!

I think that homophobia, sexism and other problems in the world are best tackled when everyone regardless of sex, colour and orientation stand together and fight it. I am hetero with 3 children in school and it makes me angry that homophobia is not dealt with as strongly as racism. I don't need to be gay to be as angry about homophobia as sexism or racism.

You don't have to have experienced something directly to be able to feel and express empathy.

I don't imagine she's out there saying 'this is what it's like - END OF,' but rather, 'these are the kinds of experiences we know that people have, these are the kind of difficulties people face, these are the kind of things that people have found to be supportive' etc.

The aim is to go into schools and address homophobia and gender stereotypes etc.

I'm quite sure she'll be capable of doing that.

This has to be one of the strangest AIBUs for a long while.

She's speaking about being lgbt. As a white person, I would not speak about being black.

Because she hasn't grown up as an lgbt teenager. She hasn't experienced that disprivilege and never will.

A lot of support charities and services recognise that volunteers who have "been through" what their clients have experienced, and who have first hand experience of the disadvantage/struggle/pain, are not always able to remain objective and emotionally detached. In some cases, support is best given by someone who doesn't have their own "emotional baggage".

I think you are doing the LGBT teens a disservice - if your friend is good at her job, she will be able to provide them with the support and information they need regardless of her own sexual orientation.

You are being absolutely ridiculous and what the hell privilege are you talking about? Bunny has given some excellent examples and my own experience is of helping a friend in a local Jewish charity but I am not Jewish. What the hell difference does it make - presumably she will be given training by the charity.

Not much of a friend to her are you, even though she has been a good one to you.

Absolutely ridiculous, get over yourself OP. LGBT community wants and needs support from all backgrounds. Even if your friend hasn't suffered homophobia, doesn't mean she can't find any way of sympathising or supporting those who have. Like she supported you years ago. I have a trans friend, shall I stop helping them through their transition because I'm cis? I'm sure you don't mean to, but you're making the LGBT community sound like a special group that only 'paid up members' can be a part of.

Sceptical pp, think of it this way. Imaginea white person going to schools to tell young people of colour how they should feel and react to racism, a system from which the white person benefits (albeit unwillingly), which the white person has never experienced and crucially which has historically consisted in white people telling people of colour how they should think and feel. Arguably, anti-racism efforts should be targeted at promoting the under-represented voices of people of colour, letting people of colour define and control their own experiences rather than having white people (however well-meaning) explain it to them. Arguably a major problem for young people of colour is that they hear too much from white people on how society is and should be ad don't get to hear enough from other people of colour expressing themselves - thus a white anti-racism worker could be perpetuating this problem by encouraging the young people to see themselves and the problems they face from a white perspective. The same goes for men talking about the problems women face, cis people talking about problems for the trans community and yep straight people talking about lbgt issues.

YABU to think climate change is a 'leftie cause'. And anyone can be interested in gay rights. Why are you stereotyping people like this.

Is she outright lying about actually benign lgbt herself? You may have a point if that's the case. Otherwise you're being ridiculous.

Why don't you ask her to deliver a typical session, discuss with her what you feel she might miss?

Benign = being