To hate it when my DP goes 'out out'

[SillyPops]

I don't even know why it bothers me so much. Maybe simply because I dont, and I don't see why he wants to.

DP said he was going out tonight with a friend (we don't live together), I had assumed he was going to the pub after work, just text me to saying he's going out now at 1030! That means he's going 'out out' and most likely clubbing and I'm really upset.

I trust him, Im not jealous because I don't enjoy it, but I'm still really annoyed/upset.

AIBU to think grown men shouldn't want to do this? Or am I a granny before my years? (DP is 27 btw)

I also stand by what I said, I wasn't horrible at all so don't know why a pp thought I was. I said she should go out with him!

Yes I said grow up, I find insults like slutty and sleazy, very immature.

hated clubbing at 18. hate it now. will always hate it. nothing wrong with that but you should also not be trying to stop your DH doing it.

Hi everyone, we've had a few reports about this thread and can see the OP's choice of words has caused a strong reaction. We think it's an interesting debate to be had, but could we ask for a bit of restraint when posting, please do try to use the same courtesy that you would show when speaking face-to-face with someone.
As you were!

OP - do you have DCs already? (assuming with a different partner if your DP doesn't live with you, but apologies if they are). Is it more that you are clearly at different stages in your lives that causes you the upset? (you being 'settled' and 'responsible', and not enjoying clubbing etc, and him clearly not having responsibilities and being 'grown up' enough to have realised that clubbing is a bit 'shit' as you have?)

Or is it that you are at the same stage in your lives, but don't like him going out later on as it's clear he enjoys different things to you?

That he likes doing stuff you don't, while it doesn't effect you right now, does make it clear that perhaps you aren't all that suited. Lots of men in their late 20s don't enjoy clubbing. Lots do. Some people would never spend money on eating out, others save up all their disposible income for posh restaurants. Some people adore travelling, others can't see the point. Some love going to gigs, others haven't seen anyone live and have no desire to change that. You might be better off finding someone who enjoys socialising/spending their disposible income in the same way you do.

There's not really a 'right' and 'wrong' way to have fun, but if you don't agree on how to have fun, then you are going to struggle to have fun together, and resent the other one's use of free time and free money.

Wow, mumsnet pearl clutching time! Happy to still stand by every word of my prior post because this isn't the 19th century and I don't have a chaise longue handy. I don't care about when the OP has kids. The physical process of having the kids is not what's important. It doesn't make you special. What's important is raising them, loving them and creating a caring home for them. The act of er birthing a child doesn't make you special.

OP doesn't get this at all. She's locked in to rigid gender roles for a start. She's made it clear that she is controlling and rigid so naturally most of mumsnet is finding a way to support her in this! Minimizing her comments and validating her sexist anti-women crap. Sorry, but flip the genders on this (I don't want my gf to get drinks with her friends because of men in clubs are there for sex. I haven't stopped her but I'm really upset. Still sound fine?) He'd be given a really long diatribe about how he only sees women as sexual objects for his pleasure, he'd called names from here to next week - abusive, loser, psycho, wanker, the whole of patriarchy would be rained down on his head. Not this weak sauce "she's just thinking about it! Don't judge her" crap. The fact that he dared think it would be enough to label him an abuser.

Well, I agree. And I actually think she's an abuser in the making. It sounds dramatic but I do. In the same way that male abusers wait until they have children to justify forcing people into their tiny boxes, I think when she has kids she will use the excuse of the children and the family to get what she really wants, which is to stop her DH from doing things she doesn't want him to do due to her insecurity. This is the classic definition of abuse.

It's a bit rich to accuse people of pearl clutching then engage in wild surmising and over exaggeration IMO.

I'm going to skip all the slut talk and cut straight to it: OP, your behaviour would ring massive alarm bells for me if I were your partner.

I would not be looking to move in or further commit in any way to someone who was upset about me going out and having fun. It would spell trouble ahead! So if you want this (or any!) relationship to work, be careful. You need to work out why you feel this way and nip it in the bud or you risk a lot of emotional unhappiness. I'm female, btw.

Help. Can I just check something I think fingering on the dance floor is vile behavior from both parties, I really do and if I walked into a club and saw that I would walk straight back out again. Why does that make me some sort of anti feminist? Or doesn't it, I'm confused and stirring risotto!

Oatcakes - it's vile behaviour, but it's not acceptable to view the woman in that situation as the only vile behaving person.

cactus no problem, it's hard to keep track when threads move quickly.

Fanjo - we all know if the OP was male, you'd be advising his partner to call women's aid so you might want to step out of that glass house.