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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate it when my DP goes 'out out'

162 replies

SillyPops · 24/04/2015 22:30

I don't even know why it bothers me so much. Maybe simply because I dont, and I don't see why he wants to.

DP said he was going out tonight with a friend (we don't live together), I had assumed he was going to the pub after work, just text me to saying he's going out now at 1030! That means he's going 'out out' and most likely clubbing and I'm really upset.

I trust him, Im not jealous because I don't enjoy it, but I'm still really annoyed/upset.

AIBU to think grown men shouldn't want to do this? Or am I a granny before my years? (DP is 27 btw)

OP posts:

Meloria · 24/04/2015 23:04

Surely if men are fingering women on the dance floor (no idea which nasty clubs you've seen that in) then they're full of slutty men and slutty women?

SummerHouse · 24/04/2015 23:05

Op I think there are some nasty comments here that are over the top. I hope they dont upset you. I would leave this thread to it. You have accepted twice that you were bu. Not sure why you should have to read comments calling you an arsehole and suggesting that your partner will leave you.

msgrinch · 24/04/2015 23:06

Oh grow up. He's a 27 year old, going for a night out. Stop reading "spotted...." on Facebook. Clubs have bouncers, fingering on a dance floor isn't an issue. Go and have a laugh with him while you're young.

Lavenderice · 24/04/2015 23:07

OP, did you have a particularly sheltered up-bringing? I'm really not trying to judge I'm just trying to help you understand your feelings. Does he know how you feel? How will you respond to this? Will there be an argument or will you not say anything to him?

grovel · 24/04/2015 23:07

Some sympathy from me, SillyPops. I think noisy, sweaty, "pulling" places with drunk(ish) adults pretty revolting too. But I accept that loads of people I like and respect think that they are fun places at the end of a long week. It's a question of personal preference.

CatthiefKeith · 24/04/2015 23:08

I reckon op has got her local chicago's confused with a nightclub.

msgrinch · 24/04/2015 23:08

Only1scoop · 24/04/2015 23:09

'Fingered on the dance floor'

Op you've been to some classy establishments I must say

CatthiefKeith · 24/04/2015 23:16

Fingered on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Oh, I know I know I know I know I know I know
About your kind
And so and so and so and so and so
I'll have to play
If you think you're getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Boy, just come along
Hear me when I say
Hey, Fingered on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Fingered on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
Dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Oh I know I know I know I know I know I know
that maybe others
And so and so and so and so and so and so
You'll just have to pray
If you think you'll get away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all away
Stay another song
I'll blow you all away
Hey, Fingered on the dancefloor

HemanOrSheRa · 24/04/2015 23:16

'Fingered on the dance floor'. I've got that Sophie Ellis Bextor song in my head now.

Only1scoop · 24/04/2015 23:16

"You better not kill the groove"??

HemanOrSheRa · 24/04/2015 23:17

Oh cross post Catthief!

Only1scoop · 24/04/2015 23:17

X post x

msgrinch · 24/04/2015 23:20

I'm dying laughing

OnlyOwl · 24/04/2015 23:24

OP, I understand. I feel the same. I know it's me who IBU and I also can't explain why I don't like it, but I really, really don't. I stopped seeing my last BF because he used to do this and it made me so, so unhappy when he did. I don't even know why it did. He would get drunk - really drunk - but I would have been fine with that if I was there. He behaved really selfishly to me, especially when drunk, but truthfully I still hated it even before he started doing that. I don't know why, it just made me feel incredibly insecure. My issue, not his, I know - but real, nonetheless. I have come to the conclusion I need someone for whom drinking is not a big deal because I am just too jealous/paranoid/whatever to cope with someone - normal - who likes that kind of thing.

So no advice, but I sympathise - and I think some previous posters are being incredibly harsh and judgmental of you for having completely human - even if unreasonable - feelings.

Lavenderice · 24/04/2015 23:25

I just snorted coffee out of my nose!

Only1scoop · 24/04/2015 23:30

Cat ....I'm gen impressed by our resident shazam ??

squoosh · 24/04/2015 23:37

The spirit of Thora Hird lives on in the OP.

BuggersMuddle · 25/04/2015 00:13

My language may be a bit out of date, but did you or DP associate clubbing with going 'on the pull' ?

If so I can understand your thinking, although I still think it's unreasonable. I've been to plenty a late evening gig / club with and without DP that wasn't a 'pulling' situation. Also accompanied single mates occasionally as I met DP at 21 and so most of my friends were still doing the bars, clubbing etc. I was happy to join a group on the basis that some might be on the pull but there would still be a core that could socialise together. Is this possible?

How long have you been together? DP and I are very open so I would know who he's out with and where, but I know on here that can be seen as nosy on MN (and to be fair it probably is, but DP and I just tend to share it rather than it being asked).

Trinpy · 25/04/2015 00:22

Are the clubs near you pretty grim OP? They're awful where I live and your description matches perfectly. You can't just have a nice dance with your friends without some sleazy bloke trying to dry hump you (bleurgh!), no one seems to know there limits with drinking and there's a very aggressive atmosphere. I stopped going clubbing locally in my teens because it's all so fucking depressing; I really don't get why anyone would choose to spend their evening doing that. I've since been to clubs in other parts of the UK and in other countries and the atmosphere is so much nicer, it's actually enjoyable.

Yabu to think that 27 is too old for clubbing but I get where you're coming from if you've had negative experiences.

Trinpy · 25/04/2015 00:23

their not there.

molyholy · 25/04/2015 00:47

Fingered on the dance floor? Sleazy? Slutty? Or could he just be going out with his mates for a dance and a laugh? Clubs aren't my cuppa, but I am out next week for a hen do in liverpool. I do not intend to get fingered and expect to have a ball with my friends. Yabvvvvvvvvvvu.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 25/04/2015 00:51

Some genius cross posts up there, you are all a bunch of Sophie Ellis Bextor minxes you lot.

JackSkellington · 25/04/2015 01:01

He's not that much older than me and he's too old to go clubbing?! Does he still get in with his zimmer frame? Seriously though, I don't see the problem. Maybe the type of people OP described do frequent certain clubs but if he is getting up to no good then it's infidelity and not going out clubbing that's an issue. If there's no trust issue then surely there's no problem.

snowglobemouse · 25/04/2015 01:01

Rest assured I've read all your posts properly. I imagine he's gone for a big night out to get away from you for a few hours.

HTH
HTH

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