To hate it when my DP goes 'out out'

[SillyPops]

I don't even know why it bothers me so much. Maybe simply because I dont, and I don't see why he wants to.

DP said he was going out tonight with a friend (we don't live together), I had assumed he was going to the pub after work, just text me to saying he's going out now at 1030! That means he's going 'out out' and most likely clubbing and I'm really upset.

I trust him, Im not jealous because I don't enjoy it, but I'm still really annoyed/upset.

AIBU to think grown men shouldn't want to do this? Or am I a granny before my years? (DP is 27 btw)

Oh boo hoo. The OP was just "exploring some feelings"? Yes maybe but then she ran off in a strop because she was pulled up on the deeply sexist language she used to do it.

I hated clubs until I was in my mid-thirties. I think I found them a bit intimidating and felt pressure to act a certain way. Then I discovered that if you don't give a shit what anyone else is up to and you focus on having fun with your friends, they can be great! I maybe end up at a club 1-2 times a year, but I really enjoy it when I do.

I get that you don't like them, OP. But your boyfriend does not have to dislike them just because you do. He is not an extension of you. Let him like going out if he wants to. You don't need to decide what he likes to do for him.

People meloria littleflick msgrinch JeanSeberg snowglobemouse ApplePaltrow should be ashamed of themselves

Ooh hang on let me check.

No not changed my opinion. Vile, offensive posts from the OP.

Feel free to report me though

The feelings the OP's exploring are jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness and judginess. I'd not blame her boyfriend if he did go out on the pull.

Ok OP I think I get it.

You don't want to be in a relationship with the type of person who goes out out because, in your personal opinion, it's morally wrong. Is that correct?

If that's true, there's nothing 'wrong' with that, I go out out, but personally I wouldn't like to be with someone who was a racist because I think that's morally wrong.

What you can't do though, is stop him being who he is. You'll have to either accept that he likes that sort of thing and deal with it, or leave him and find someone who believe the same as you do.

So now we know. Clubs are only frequented by sluts and pervs, apparently. Bravo.

I feel the same OP, there are some really grotty places in our local town and I'd hate it if DP went to them. Luckily for me he likes our Netflix nights or a comedy club and a meal far more than a night of clubbing.

I'm very surprised at the posters who have never seen any sexual behaviour like fingering going on in clubs. Perhaps in some places the bouncers are more on the ball? But there are also places where that stuff happens and it is gross.

If the places he goes to are the only-out-to-pull cattle-markets that my local town clubs are then I totally understand why you've been put off them and why you don't like your DP going but you do have to ask yourself why he's going there. I think that despite your claim, there is an element of insecurity and jealousy here that you need to look at closer.

Wow, so, I expressed upset about something that happened between me and my partner and asked if you thought I was being unreasonable. Most people said I was, and I fully accepted that. Lots of people replied clearly without reading the OP and simply picked a few words out to critique and slam me for, so I gave up replying and went to bed.

Thank you for those who took the time to reply properly. I do appreciate it.

To those of who who hid behind your computer screens and wrote some pretty hurtful comments, I really hope you are ashamed. Luckily I am pretty thick skinned, but had I not been, I could be very upset by the comments. I am a REAL person, with REAL feelings, in a REAL situation here. You are bullies. End of.

Yes, I referred to some women as being slutty, and some men being sleazy, because they do exist. I did not call these women 'sluts' because they are not defined by their behaviour, but I think that they are acting in a slutty manner for being fingered on the dance floor/giving a blowjob in the toilets in full view of others. I also referred to sleazy men, who also exist. I have been in many situations where men will dry hump you/expect a snog because they gave you 5 mins of your time/make derogatory comments and think it's ok because you're in a club. You'd never have somebody pinch your bum and say "nice arse, sexy!" anywhere else. It happens in clubs, frequently.

Maybe it is just the clubs I've been to (all over the UK), maybe you have never experienced it, but it does happen. And I do not see why I cannot refer to SOME women or men's behaviour as slutty or sleazy without suffering abuse.

Please see the below comments, all fired at me in one short evening, for daring to ask your opinion on something I was feeling, and just imagine if all this was said to you in real life. Why is it okay online?

You sound like a total arsehole x2

Blimey Op maybe he likes a break from seeing you ....Think I'd have more laughs in my front room.

Leave the bitch. That is what I'd tell your boyfriend

Rest assured I've read all your posts properly. I imagine he's gone for a big night out to get away from you for a few hours.

I sense the OP will seething oh and resentfully "allow" her DH to go clubbing until she shits out a few kids

The feelings the OP's exploring are jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness and judginess. I'd not blame her boyfriend if he did go out on the pull.

So you're not even sorry about your sexist choice of words? And if they're so awful, how come you've been to so many clubs all across the country?

And as for hiding behind a computer screen, I'd be more than happy to provide my address and you can pop round for a chat. Perhaps you can explain to my children why the boys would be regarded as merely sleazy while their sisters would be sluts for the same behaviour.

Get your DP on here so we can tell him to ltb.

And to be fair Op....

Think I would 'have more laughs in my front room'

You've had some very extreme signings in your clubbing days which I have never come across.

'Sightings'

OP, probably best to hide the thread now and just let those with nothing better to do get on and spout forth about it.

I think you made an unfortunate choice of language and you should have tempered it a little, as I indicated in my first post.

I am with you on the dislike of nightclubs. Not for me. Horses for courses though. My husband has never really been a clubber either. We did it all during our student days, and hardly ever since. One exception when his office Christmas party was held at one, but that was a one-off.

Just leave people to throw their vitriol about into the ether. It can be mind boggling how they do.

You're unremorseful in your choice of words and so am I.

We're agreed on something.

This thread is vile. Op I suggest you hide it and move on. As for me time to hide aibu. Do disgusting comments like 'wait until she shits out some kids' have a place here?

Having now read this thread in the cold light of day, I do think the OP IBU, but she is aware of that.

Some of her language has been sexist, as Meloria has said, describing boys as "merely sleazy while their sisters would be sluts for the same behaviour". As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, and while there may be women wanting to indulge in the sexual behaviour, they aren't forcing it on unwilling mean, are they?

The feelings the OP's exploring are jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness and judginess.

Having read the OP's post, I do feel there is some truth in this. Whether it comes from her experiences of clubs or not, she is judging all the women there for the actions of a few. She has seemed unable to understand why her DP might want to do something that doesn't involve her. I certainly get the impression that even though the OP does not live with her DP she wants him to do and like the same stuff as she does, and perhaps be "old before his time".

I think there is some insecurity there, and maybe the OP needs to take a look at how she views relationships. I wonder what her parent's relationship was/is like, what has the OP learned from them?

OP, none of my post is intended to be nasty. I just think there is some stuff here where you may want to just take some time to have a look at your feelings more closely and look at where those feelings may have come from.

the OP has identified every post that in her opinion has been offensive to her but has completely ignored people (like me) who have asked questions about why she feels like this.

I am 48 and still love to go clubbing. DH doesn't.

This is ridiculous. Of course there's some slutty or sleazy behaviour (and the OP used them as adjectives, not nouns) in nightclubs. I remember a man grabbing my crotch as I walked past him once. Obviously if you have the good fortune to live in an area where there's plenty of choice, you can avoid such shitholes, but I believe that a lot of small-town clubs are like this.

FWIW, OP, I know I was unreasonable, but I used to feel similar about DH going out out when we were younger, but I think it was because it took a long time for me to feel secure in our relationship. I remember turning up to a club once after I'd been to a different party. DH (then DP) was involved in an intense conversation with a woman and they both looked stunned to see me. It was probably innocent on DH's part, but she was clearly pissed off.

I definitely get where you're coming from.