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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

party invite - sorry!

228 replies

dinodino27 · 23/04/2015 22:36

I know this one has been done many times before BUT my daughter has not been invited to a party and i cant quite believe how upset I am.

My lovely bubbly 5 year old talks frequently about her good friend XXX. Tonight the girls in her year one class trotted out of school with invitations to XXX's party. DD then came out with no invitation in hand.

I just feel devastated for DD. She was so brave but aware and clearly confused by the lack of invitation

i really want to say to mum something like 'DD's invite seems to have been lost but she would love to come; or just simple 'is XXX doing anything for her birthday?'

I would never have thought i would be the type to get involved in playground politics but I am so upset for my little girl.

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 24/04/2015 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notonthestairs · 24/04/2015 16:03

Dino - we're in exactly the same situation this weekend. My dd friends are going to a party and she hasn't been invited. She is very confused. It seems there was a lot of chat about it at school today.

I understand how these things happen (large parties costs the earth) but it does make your heart lurch a bit.

I'm taking her out for the afternoon - not so that she can outshine the birthday girl but to enable her & me to spend a bit of time together without my other children and because I know it will give her something to talk about.

And for those people saying its a good thing for children to understand that not everyone likes them - she's 5 FGS.

Floggingmolly · 24/04/2015 16:10

Jesus, lighthouse... Nobody is "laughing at an upset child" Hmm. You seem to have lost all perspective regarding this non event that happened 11 years ago.
Your child may have been more upset at the spectacle of her mother having a slanging match in the playground than the party anyway.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/04/2015 16:19

charlotte that is really really nasty and spiteful of the party mum, leaving that poor child out, because she doesn't like the mother. It will show her for the nasty person she is, poor child Sad

AuntyMag10 · 24/04/2015 16:25

Op maybe check her bag again just on case it's somewhere in there. Sorry it is hard, and we feel it more than the kids but I don't think you should ask. It really is cringey and would you really want an invite out of guilt. Good idea to take her out for the day and do something special.

Ilive maybe the mum knew about your delightful attitude that's why there wasn't an invite.

QueenofallIsee · 24/04/2015 16:36

creasing i.e laughing at you! Clearly never occured to you she was excluded due to YOU evidently being a complete loon

ChristianGreyIsAJackass · 24/04/2015 16:42

We did a whole class party for DS1 once, we missed one little boy, i didnt realise until well after the party and I felt terrible, absolutely awful. It was totally my fault for not checking and double checking that we had everyone.

If his mum had mentioned it, he would have been invited immediately.

However, if, in this case, it isn't a whole class party, you would be utterly U to mention it.

I still feel awful about this, three years on and a long distance move/school change later! Sad

ChristianGreyIsAJackass · 24/04/2015 16:46

Where is the Op?

NaiceVillageOfTheDammed · 24/04/2015 17:01

Charlotte333

How did you manage to bite your lip with the answer from that mum. Not sure I could have.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/04/2015 17:17

ChristianGrey we all make mistakes, yours was a genuine oversight, not a deliberate exclusion.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/04/2015 17:17

Flowers put it behind you.

ChristianGreyIsAJackass · 24/04/2015 17:37

Thanks Aero, i just wish she had mentioned it! I understand why she didn't but I can't help but imagine the conversation between her and her DS about why he wasn't invited.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/04/2015 17:41

Flogging. It was not s non event!
Where did I say it was a slanging match. Go on show me the post!!!!!.
I said I gave her a peice of my mind. And walked off.

Why the actual fuck. I keep feeling compelled to explain to a load of clique women behind a board . Well sweet Jesus alone only knows the answer to that. !!
You seem to waiting for me to say I'm sorry. I should have let it go, but it, it's not going to happen. You do know exclusion comes under bullying don't you. You do know how serious bullying is don't you. How would feel if it were you child. Would you like it. Would you fuck!.
Also can queen ur not argue for herself. Or do you have to hold her hand.
It's obviously gone past being angry about dd not being invited to a party. What is really stArting to wind me up now is personalised attacks, and that's how I'm seeing them because I dare to say I something upset me as a parent! I adore my child and I didnt like seeing her hurt and that is the end of it!!!!
Also if I did have the slanging match with the mother she would have known about it. Believe me.

WinnieFosterTether · 24/04/2015 17:42

We're in the same situation this weekend. It is a shame when your DC is upset but there isn't any way I would be asking what happened to my DC's invite.

Instead I had a little chat with DS about the fact we don't always get invited everywhere.

I can appreciate the life lesson. I just wish the party parents could have focused on teaching their DC a life lesson about being considerate instead. However, that's because I would never miss out a DC deliberately.Children's friendships are fluid and I can't see it as anything other than incredibly mean to deliberately exclude a 5-yr-old.

From this thread, it's clear that lots of parents think that it is ok to act like that, and I guess that's a worthwhile lesson to learn too.

comedancing · 24/04/2015 17:44

As a teacher l often find that a parent asks the child who they want to invite to their party and they say at that age the first names that come into their heads. I often find myself thinking..why are they going as they never play together. So it's not an insult at that age just that firm friendships don't form until later.

ConfusedInBath · 24/04/2015 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristianGreyIsAJackass · 24/04/2015 17:47

I don't think from reading this thread that anyone thnks it is ok to act like that, it's just simply true that not everyone can be invited to everything.

I think everyone is in agreement that you either invite a few or all the class, you cannot just exclude a couple.

It seems in the OP's DD's case, it is the former and she isn't invited, sad for her but unfortunately the inviter is not wrong.

momtothree · 24/04/2015 17:52

Ilive - you are clearly more upset about something other than a party 11 years ago - my budget doesnt go beyond 6 kids - so yes I leave some out - that does not make my DC bullies - its a party invite - calm down or explain the real issue. You sound entitled.

AuntyMag10 · 24/04/2015 17:55

Goodness ilive you are very aggressive.Shock

finnbarrcar · 24/04/2015 17:57

Nobody said it was OK to act like that. What weird perception you have of posts which gently suggest that whilst it's understandable to be hurt on your child's behalf, pushing for an invite or an explanation isn't the best way of dealing with an early life lesson that you don't always get what you want and mum can't fix everything.

ConfusedInBath · 24/04/2015 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

finnbarrcar · 24/04/2015 17:59

....and yes it has happened to my dc's and it bloody hurt but we move on.

finnbarrcar · 24/04/2015 18:03

....and still radio silence from the opGrin

WinnieFosterTether · 24/04/2015 18:13

finnbarrcarr what a weird perception you have of my post. Confused I didn't say all posters thought it was ok but there were posts that said they had excluded DCs. I'm not going to cut and paste them to derail the thread but they are there.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/04/2015 18:17

If this were my thread and I had put in on aibu saying aibu to be upset that my child was the only girl in the whole class excluded from a party. Yes mom. The only girl. Not one of s few it wouldn't have bothered me then.
I would kind of get some calling me a crank. Let it go and all that nonsense but this is not my thread, so why has this turned into basically on line bullying toward me please. From what I've seen no one has called the op, for being upset, !!!!
Oh and whatever your name is who called me agressive. Should be little miss jump on the band wagon. When I want the parrot. I'll shake the seed. You shouldnt be judging people you don't know about situations you didn't see. You didn't see my child sob coming out of school. Okay yeah let it go and all that shit, not a big deal to you but to me and her it was... Also you don't know how I approached her. Not once did I say. I went over screaming and shouting. Again show me the post!. So where you're getting the word aggressive from I don't know.
Here I go again explaining my self to key board warriors.