party invite - sorry!

[dinodino27]

I know this one has been done many times before BUT my daughter has not been invited to a party and i cant quite believe how upset I am.

My lovely bubbly 5 year old talks frequently about her good friend XXX. Tonight the girls in her year one class trotted out of school with invitations to XXX's party. DD then came out with no invitation in hand.

I just feel devastated for DD. She was so brave but aware and clearly confused by the lack of invitation

i really want to say to mum something like 'DD's invite seems to have been lost but she would love to come; or just simple 'is XXX doing anything for her birthday?'

I would never have thought i would be the type to get involved in playground politics but I am so upset for my little girl.

Lighthouse your response to this exclusion wouldn't have encouraged parents of your daughter to include her in the future.

Momb thanks for your kind words.
i do get things can happen unintentionally. But the little girl even said . My mummy said you can't cond to my party. Now we know kids can spin yarns, but it's strange she says that and there really was no invite.

daughter's friends' parents, that should have read.

I'd just ask. Its perfectly possible to ask in an acceptable way as an adult to another adult. I've just asked that my younger daughter (who is 2) can go to the 3 year old party that her elder sibling is invited too, whilst making it very very clear that I totally understand if she's at capacity and I'm quite happy to be told the day before as I fully appreciate it will depend on their numbers (its a maximum of 30 at the venue her mum is using) as it means both my husband and I can go, and otherwise we'll split and take the younger one off to the park or swimming or something. The mum was fine about it and said she'd let me know nearer the time.

I think your anger is way out of proportion Ilive. And yes I have had my daughter not invited to parties at but you know what as she left primary school 8 yrs ago I think she's over it by now.
Can you not understand that your reaction probably made things worse for your daughter I bet the other children were talking about xx's mother for weeks.

Wtf is this pick on ilive day

I'd just ask. Its perfectly possible to ask in an acceptable way as an adult to another adult. I've just asked that my younger daughter (who is 2) can go to the 3 year old party that her elder sibling is invited too, whilst making it very very clear that I totally understand if she's at capacity and I'm quite happy to be told the day before as I fully appreciate it will depend on their numbers (its a maximum of 30 at the venue her mum is using) as it means both my husband and I can go, and otherwise we'll split and take the younger one off to the park or swimming or something. The mum was fine about it and said she'd let me know nearer the time.

No. Just no. You don't put a parent on the spot like that .You split up and take the kids to different things.

I find this unbearably precious, intruding and rude and you would have been told NO if you'd asked me.

Why on earth can't you do separate things for an hour or so?

Wow I'm astonished people actually ask.

Alanna why put that mum on the spot? If everyone starts asking her if siblings can come too the party could be overtaken

No Ilive it's just that your white hot hatred for a women that didn't invite your daughter to a party 11 years ago seems strange and worthy of comment.
OP I know it's difficult to feel like your child is being left out but there is nothing much you can do but accept it. Maybe you could invite some friends from outside school over on the day of the party for a little gathering. Then when the children talk about a party at school she can say I had one as well.

Crikey. Didn't realise people took it so personally ! My dad had her 6th birthday party recently. Only 14 spaces (plus her). She's got an older half sister and a couple of non school friends. There are 17 girls in her class. I just got her to go through who she played with the most. Not sure how else you can curb numbers.....she could only invite 10 school friends so 5 were "left out".

Dd that should have said. My dad doesn't invite 6 year old girls to his birthday parties!

My last child is approaching the end of primary, so thankfully we're leaving all of this behind soon. My second DD was in the first year of school when a little boy had a party. He invited everyone but my DD and one other. The other mother said to his mother "do you realize you've invited everyone but DD and xxx?". Her son got an invitation. My daughter didn't. I asked DD how she felt and she shrugged, so I let it go. Roll on last year of school. My DD was most popular girl in class and her son was excluded by boys because he was camp. My DD and friends stood up for him all of the time. Luckily we weren't as unkind as his mother.
Another parent who is a psychologist said it's good for children to learn that not everyone loves them. And, boy do they learn this.
My eldest was left out of so much in primary. She often didn't have a partner for the bus on school tours etc. As a result, in secondary, she didn't care about fitting in. She found a lovely, good friend and had other friends too. All through her school career, she has been kind and supportive to peers in trouble. It used to break my heart watching her being left out. Now, I'm so proud of her. She is independent, she doesn't follow the crowd into whatever stupid thing they are doing next and her individuality is making her into a talent in the creative field that she wants to follow.
Not being invited to parties is par for the course, you develop a thick skin as you go on.

I know how you feel OP, but please just let it go. It may be the one adn only time this happens to your child, it may happen again. There's no rhyme or reason to it sometimes but it's a fact of life when you have DCs that you will feel enraged/devastated on their behalf but they have to find out that life doesn't always go their way and Mum and Dad cannot "fix" everything.

Please, just stay out of it and don't let your DD know how much it's bothering you as it will make this much more important than it really is.

Confused. I shouldn't just be having a pop at you as you are not the only to have well not to put too finer point on it verbally attacked. And I do feel verbally attacked and no one can validate anyone's feelings.
But may I ask you why did you ask me how it went if you seemingly were not prepared for any other reply than either. Oh clique mummy said sorry it was just an over site. And from then on we're best friends.
Or she called my child s brat I accepted.
It seems that by asking the question and by your responses you were/are looking for a bun fight. Okay feel free to disagree but if you're not prepared for any possible answer. Why ask the question.

When my DSD had a party last year, there were 3 girls in her class she didn't invite. One of these girls had been to our house before, was stroppy and selfish the whole time, bossed DSD around, I was relieved not to have her back! Other girl DD finds loud and annoying, says she always messes around and spoils their games. Third girl DSD says is spiteful. Why should a child invite people they dislike to their own party? I would never make mine invite children they feel will spoil things for others. Some children have poor social skills or bad manners, and take over at parties. DSD is quiet and shy. I completely understand why she didn't want these girls at her party. If their mums had made a scene in playground I would have been very shocked!

I'm not surprised that ILive still vividly remembers that mother and is still angry about it so many years later.

I'm in my 40s and can remember the names of those that I thought were my friends that didn't invite me to their birthday parties at primary school. Now some of it was down to limited numbers as the norm back then was to only invite maybe 6 friends to a birthday tea after school not the whole class on a Saturday afternoon. But damn the memory still hurts all these years later.

Allana . If you'd asked me could your younger child come to the party; not because you didn't have childcare but so you and your DH could come too, I'd have told you where to go.
And not invited either of your children again.

That is an extremely gauche thing to do.

You've got a bag of potatoes on your shoulder love I never mind a chip.

The irony!

Holy smoke Ilive, breathe!
Someone, 11 years ago said your kid was a brat and nit invited to a party. 11 years!
in the words of Elsa et al.
let it go
I promise your world will still keep turning and you might feel a bit less persecuted