party invite - sorry!

[dinodino27]

I know this one has been done many times before BUT my daughter has not been invited to a party and i cant quite believe how upset I am.

My lovely bubbly 5 year old talks frequently about her good friend XXX. Tonight the girls in her year one class trotted out of school with invitations to XXX's party. DD then came out with no invitation in hand.

I just feel devastated for DD. She was so brave but aware and clearly confused by the lack of invitation

i really want to say to mum something like 'DD's invite seems to have been lost but she would love to come; or just simple 'is XXX doing anything for her birthday?'

I would never have thought i would be the type to get involved in playground politics but I am so upset for my little girl.

whoever suggested upthread that one of your friends whose daughter is going should check with the host whether your dd is invited for lift sharing purposes has the right idea.
that way you will know if somehting has been lost / overlooked, and if not, you don't lose face. Just make sure it's someone you trust.

Iliveinalighthouse, why do your hink it is great both DD and you still hold a grudge over this?

I would be speechless if someone approached me like this, but not because I am a bully-clique-mum.

This thread has opened my eyes about how thin-skinned some mums are!

No confused angry because my daughter was the only one not invited, and slagged off by this mother.
If you're waiting for me to say sorry. I was wrong for challenging that mother then sorry but it ain't going to happen.
I make no apologies to anyone. Like I said 11 years on I'm still more than . I'm fucking nuclear.
So I'm not going to back down because a stranger on the Internet basically tells me I should

Baby. Point out please where I used the word greAt.
Was I not allowed to be upset.

If my child wasn't invited to a party there's no way I'd contact the hosts to find out why, unbelievably rude and cringy.

Maybe party kid doesn't like your kid, maybe the mother doesn't like you...how would you feel if you ask if your DS is invited and she says no? Would that make you or your DS feel any better?

Parents shouldn't be guilt tripped into inviting anyone to a party that they or their kid doesn't want there.

Get over it

the little girl even said to dd. My mummy said all the girls except you can come to my party. So obviously she'd heard mummy and daddy talking and slagging off my baby.

Yes, because the mother and father slagging off your DD in front of their child is the only explanation and small children always tell the truth...

Because I didn't live on right side of the road. And because I was a single parent.
Now I'm not pulling the single parent card but it's funny all the other little girls came from 2.4 type families.

Yes. I hold a grudge.
Now I know I might not be that important but I can't help thinking that for some reason you've seem to have taken a dislike to me.

Fgs don't ask. How can invitations go "missing"?? Even if your dd has mislaid it, she'd still remember having been given one in the first place...
I was approached in the school playground once when I was taking 3 friends of ds1 home for a play date.

This mum (of a child ds wasn't even friends with, and by all accounts has never invited any children over herself) assumed it was a party and saw no reason why her little darling couldn't come along too.
I have avoided her ever since; I thought it was a spectacularly strange thing to do.

It's just one party ,I really wouldn't start to worry unless it's happenening on a regular basis ,provided your child is happy at the school I would just let it go . However to the poster up thread who said her DS is in a class of under 10 and has been bullied by half of them - move him ,there is nothing more undermining for a child's self esteem than to be left at a school where they are not happy .

You've done nothing but call me for being upset.
Perhaps you're the mother in question.

I had a party for my dd in year 4. I couldnt afford to invite everyone so she invited 8 of her closest friends.

One mum turned up with her son on the day, at the venue and said " Oh I assumed his invitation had been lost ?"

I had to pay for him on the day I couldnt turn him away !!

Hate my child, hate me???? Because she didn't invite your child to a party?? . Your child probably wasn't even on her radar. That's a seriously unhealthy attitude you've there, Lighthouse...

Llive it was 11 years ago I think you need to let it go.

At that age I would tell my DDs how many guests they could invite and ask them for a list. With the first one I would then write the invitations. I learnt my lesson and subsequently they write the list. Have a couple of days at school (mentioning the list to no-one is very important) and then have another think.
If you go with the first list then the current best friend/flossie from gymnastics gets an invitation and the person who is a stalwart friend week in and week out doesn't get mentioned because they completely forget.
It's a mine field. Of course you can't ask the host parent unless they are close personal friends of yours.
Lighthouseghost: My first daughter did almost exactly what you describe. I wasn't a pick up Mum and relied on childcare. Told her she could have 6 friends for tea. Wrote and duly sent 6 invitations to 6 little girls, none of whom I knew well. There were 7 girls in the class but I had no idea.

Sometimes it really isn't malicious, Sometimes it's just what happens. I have no idea what my ED said as she handed out the invitations but it could easily have been that her Mum said she couldn't come...because she was talking about numbers.
Life includes many disappointments. Our job as parents is to help them develop resilience surely?

No because my child was the only one not invited to the party. Seems cranky and precious to you but to me and my dd it was a big deal and it hurt. And I'm not coming forth with any apologies for that.
Obviously you've never had your child left out or you'd understand

No, don't let it go, you clearly get your energy from nurturing grudges and perceived injustices!

It is fascinating

My DD used to be good friends with one half of a set of twins. She wasn't particularly friendly with the other one, which I was always grateful for, as she was a PITA although they were all in the same class. For her birthday, she was allowed to invite X number of friends, and decided to leave out the other twin. (There were plenty of others in the class also not invited)
I was horrified when the mother approached me in the playground and demanded that they both be invited, as 'they are twins and do everything together'.
I stood my ground and explained that we only had limited places, but got evil looks from her for the rest of DD's school career!