party invite - sorry!

[dinodino27]

I know this one has been done many times before BUT my daughter has not been invited to a party and i cant quite believe how upset I am.

My lovely bubbly 5 year old talks frequently about her good friend XXX. Tonight the girls in her year one class trotted out of school with invitations to XXX's party. DD then came out with no invitation in hand.

I just feel devastated for DD. She was so brave but aware and clearly confused by the lack of invitation

i really want to say to mum something like 'DD's invite seems to have been lost but she would love to come; or just simple 'is XXX doing anything for her birthday?'

I would never have thought i would be the type to get involved in playground politics but I am so upset for my little girl.

Um , not every parent is there at the school gates every day so we have to use the more unreliable ChildMail

If you have an easy way of contacting one of the parents (love how the default is always "speak to the mum") then do it . You don't have to demand an invite, it's possible to have a grown up conversation about these things

Closer I didn't say giving the invite to the child was the wrong thing to do I said it isn't wrong to check if the OP's DC has been invited.

Ah fuck it, playground politics are stupid enough without having them on the internet as well!

My dd (10) was one of three girls in her class not invited to the birthday party of a girl she considered one of her best friends. All 5 children in the class above them were invited and a few from the class below so it wasn't about numbers. dd was very hurt.
I never said anything to the parents and never would but I have gone right off them. It made me see them in a very different light.

How can anyone believe it isn't rude to ask? If your DC was wanted at the party he/she would have an invitation.

To lay a guilt trip on another parent is very bad manners.

Mythical because small children OFTEN lose invitations. If we don't ask when we don't know for sure then the other parent may be wondering why we've not RSVPd! It's not rude if the child is a good friend to your DC and an invitation would have been usual.

Erm, no, not every child is picked up by an adult. Lots go to after-school club. Or they do at my kids' school. So I only pick up DC twice a week at normal time, and similar with drop-off. This also means I have no idea who most of the parents are and no contact details are circulated by the PTA.

Dont say anything. Just move on past it. It hurts but if your dd sees it's an issue for you it'll become one for her too.

Exactly julie - after school club (sensibly IMO!) refuse to have anything to do with private pieces of paper like invites, Xmas cards etc. So they have to go from child to child into to black hole that is a primary school book bag...

Dartmoor we are in agreement

In the case of the OP it was obvious that the DC had no invitation. To persist would be rude and may force an invitation where none was issued.

I was the girl at school who never got invites as I didn't fit in at all.
I did learn to deal with disappointment though which is a valuable lesson.
I have lots of really good ones now so no violin playing needed.

This happened to DS! - tiny class, only six boys, all invited by new kid apart from DS. I didn't say anything - just seethed inwardly. Invite turned up with a clutch of Christmas cards in the compost layer at the bottom of his PE bag a month later. They went on to be great friends and New Kid's mum, who I'd been quietly hating for weeks, is lovely!

Tbh it is a good opportunity to chat gently about being uninvited sometimes and how to cope with it generally and not to be too worried. It'll probably happen again, so to avoid repeated upsets it's a good idea to help dc see that it's just how it goes sometimes.

it is really hard when this happens. Particularly when they are young. DSs friend used to get invited to all the parties whereas DS only got invited to some, and another child was only invited to all class parties, which i know his mum found very hard.

There's 101 reasons why you daughter wasn't invited but you might never know what they were.

Are you sure she was aware of what was going on and you were not projecting?

Don't get me started on clique parents who basically are big fucking bullies excluding one child. I'll be here all day.
I'd put them in room 101
I challenged a mother over my daughter not being invited to a party. Right I did. I've told the story on another threAd so don't want to repeat it on here as I will become boring but any questions feel more than free to pm me.

I don't care if I looked as others say a loon or I came over as that parent. I suppose you!re the bullying clique parents are you. !!!!

Having said that I did have a mum ask as her child invited to DSs party and he was but the invite had got lost! So it does happen.

No it's not PFB., Confused. It's called being a mother. Those words or rather letters are bandied about far too much on here.

Aw. It's tough, I feel for you, but sadly you need to chalk it up to experience. :( Hang on in there.

She just looked at me. I don't think she knew what to say. I think she was shocked that her clique behavior had been challenged. Not that I would even dream a
leaving just one child out or rather would have left just one child out, (dd is 16 now so thankfully past all that )but if a parent challenged me I wouldn't know what to say.
To be honest though I never really gave her much of a chance to respond I just gave her a mouthful sorry said my piece and walked off.
In the mothers defence though after that she did try to look in my direction and say Hi but I just looked the other way. Hate my child love. Hate me. Can't believe she had the audacity to even look at me never mind think in even if her wildest dream was having it's wildest dreAm that I'd speak to her. !
Oh and there was no lost invitation the little girl even said to dd. My mummy said all the girls except you can come to my party. So obviously she'd heard mummy and daddy talking and slagging off my baby.
Any mum can imagine how that feels. It's 11 years ago and I still hold a grudge over it as does dd.

I'll assume that one's for me confused.
When I said it's called being a mother I meant you get angry when your child is excluded or hurt

Sometimes it's baffling that they aren't invited; sometimes you think "huh, well PartyBoy is a popular child and they are going to SmallVenue".

If it's the first case, one could consider asking the parent quietly and not in front of anybody else if there's an error, giving them plenty of opportunity to say "no, LittleHathaway didn't make the cut this year, sorry, ha ha aren't children's friendships fickle" without losing face.

PP whose child's invitation was "accidentally forgotten at home" - the mother kindly and tactfully went home to write a new one. You do realise that, don't you?

Now don't get me wrong. DD was hardly short of a jelly. We're not hard up, but it was just the principle of it. Even if the mum had said Sorry little ghost can come to the party. I'd have told her to put it where the sun don't shine.!!
I wasnt prepared to let that go. I would never have that. I never used to do that. Call other people's children or leave them out.
God reading all these back I sound like a right mouthy cow but I'm as gentle as A lamb till someone hurts my child