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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend using my wifi to update her mobile without my consent?

183 replies

LoveSchoolHolidays · 23/04/2015 08:08

I have put 2 & 2 together and could be wrong, but a few things have happened recently to make me think my friend is using my wifi whenever she visits my house.

Ages ago I gave her my wifi password so she could use my internet on her mobile phone, I can't remember what she wanted to do at that time. In February we changed provider, didn't tell my friend, didn't even think about it. Then she got a massive phone bill and asked me if I'd changed my password, she didn't connect the two but when I told her to dispute the bill as I presumed it was a mistake, she made a load of excuses why not and that is when I put the two together. I believe that she has been updating the software on her phone when she visits me and so was being charged by her provider when she thought she was using my wifi for free. I did give her my new password before I got suspicious but now I watch her when she visits and she is on her phone more than my other friends, which I think is rude anyway.

Yesterday I had to leave in a hurry and as I was practically pushing her out the door, she stopped on my doorstep and started fiddling with her phone, when I told her she needed to hurry up as I was in a massive rush she made an excuse about a text message. Surely a text message could have been dealt with after she had left and I was on my way. That really annoyed me, I think she was downloading something and had to stop it before she left.

I might be paranoid and come across as a weirdo but I feel she is using me, she doesn't have Internet at home and I do let her visit me with her laptop occasionally when she needs to use the Internet which I dont mind, I just want to be asked, I don't know what she is downloading and on a basic level it is theft.

I'm thinking of changing my password and not telling her, is that just petty?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Rainicorn · 23/04/2015 14:03

Next time meet her at a coffee shop or McDonalds that has free wifi, that way she won't be eating up yours.

I think your friend is BU about using her phone all the time when she is visiting you, but I'd not be bothered about the wifi usage.

Naty1 · 23/04/2015 14:07

Yanbu
She could be downloading anything.

diddl · 23/04/2015 14:14

"Unless there is a cost implication to you (e.g going over a data limit) or you're concerned that she's downloading something illegal that could get you in trouble, I'd say you're being unreasonable."

I don't get this at all.

Well, the illegal bit of course.

But even if it doesn't cost the OP, so what?

Why would someone spend all their time at someone else's house downloading stuff?

It's surely not vital & nothing that she couldn't do at her own place!

Unless of course she has no wifi or is on a limit!

reni1 · 23/04/2015 14:14

Some PPs say the phone would connect automatically. The phone won't have connected automatically once OP had the new provider, so the friend must have started any downloads manually and they would have to be substantial to run a huge bill. Switch the router off when she comes and see if she is still keen on coming to visit. If yes, all good, give her the password whenever needed. If no you know you've been a free internet café for her.

I have no water meter but would not be too keen on somebody coming only to have a shower or wash their clothes for free rather than to see me; not at all about the money, I'm just not a service provider. If someone had trouble with their Wi-Fi or water supply, any time, but simply not connecting to the mains or having Wi-Fi at home and then using a friend's is not on.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2015 14:25

'Among my friends it is the done thing to tell visitors your wifi password.'

Really? Why? I guess I am really old (44) because I see no reason why I would need my friend's password when I visit her/him unless perhaps am there to stay a few days. When I go to a friend's or they come to mine for a shorter visit we don't use phones, because we are there to visit each other, not look at our phones.

This person sounds like she is using the OP for internet access.

leedy · 23/04/2015 14:26

"Some PPs say the phone would connect automatically. The phone won't have connected automatically once OP had the new provider, so the friend must have started any downloads manually and they would have to be substantial to run a huge bill."

Whether downloads start automatically or not has nothing to do with whether the OP has a new provider or not, or whether the friend connected to the Wifi manually or not, that's set on the phone/app.

I have often arrived into my house/work (both with Wifi) and my phone has started downloading app updates and/or uploading backup photos to my G+. I am not "fiddling with my phone" or "starting to download things all the time", the phone does it. The exact same thing would happen if someone gave me their Wifi password and I connected to their Wifi for the first time. Can't remember when I last manually updated anything.

GunShotResidue · 23/04/2015 14:29

By the sounds of it the friend is saving all her internet usage for when she's at the OPs house. It's not that is automatically connecting or the friend wouldn't have run up a huge bill or had to stop something downloading before she left.

It's not the same as begrudging someone a glass of tap water, it's closer to someone who has a water meter coming over with huge water barrels and filing them from OPs tap then lying and hiding it from her!

GunShotResidue · 23/04/2015 14:33

leedy when the OP got a new provider the friend was no longer connected (automatically or not) to wifi at OPs house, or the friend wouldn't have run up a huge bill. So things wouldn't have started downloading automatically. Friend must have set things to download assuming she was connected to wifi.

AlansLeftMoob · 23/04/2015 15:10

"In February we changed provider, didn't tell my friend, didn't even think about it. Then she got a massive phone bill and asked me if I'd changed my password"

Poor bitch must have been using the data on her phone when she thought she was on your Wifi, ouch!!

If she's using up a capped allowance and pushing you over: Turn your router off next time she comes over and again the time after that. If she mentions it, tell her you're getting rid of it because something keeps pushing you over your limit and you can't afford the massive bills and that you've thought of everything and you're flummoxed. I've gone over by accident and it was a huge bill and a very big shock.

If you have unlimited: You're being a bit weird.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 23/04/2015 15:18

Couple years ago DDs got iPod Touches and loved watching YouTube videos and so on. We have unlimited broadband. The PILs do not. When we visited, no one realised and the kids kept downloading and watching stuff as they were used to. The bill the PILs were presented with was truly eye-watering. I felt really bad.

OP if you are out-of-pocket then YANBU. If she is coming round specifically to update her phone and download stuff the YANBU there either.

However my friends and I all have each other's wifi passwords as a matter of course and we use our phones as normal in each other's houses.

CaspianSea · 23/04/2015 15:22

Why would it matter if she uses your wifi? Whenever friends visit me I always give them our wifi password, even they're only here for a few hours it makes sense to use Internet for free instead of paying!

Bogeyface · 23/04/2015 15:23

I have to say that it would bother me in terms of what she is actually downloading, if its pirated films for example then it could be traced to you and not her.

But if you are on unlimited wifi and she is not doing anything illegal then I dont see the problem.

reni1 · 23/04/2015 15:26

Yes, leedy, your phone does this when connected to Wifi, the friend's phone wasn't connected, so didn't start automatically. Friend thought it was so started it manually.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 23/04/2015 15:30

all our friends almost have a sign inside the front door, with our wifi password on it (one actually has it blutacked in big letter on kitchen cupboards), in the expectaions it will be stored and used whenever visiting.

If a friend asked every visit I would be offended.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 23/04/2015 15:37

I'm with you op. I wouldn't mind someone using my wifi whilst they were round at mine for 5 minutes. But it sounds like your friend is coming round specifically to use your wifi (not to see you) and that would piss me off.

Similarly if a friend comes round they get a drink / snacks access the the loo etc. But if it becomes obvious they are calling in just for a cup of tea and a pee regularly and it's not a "proper" social visit I'm going to get annoyed.

diddl · 23/04/2015 15:37

I think it's really odd to visit a friend & spend time on the phone.

MokunMokun · 23/04/2015 15:40

Just change the password and see if she comes around as much once she's not getting free wifi.

pocketsaviour · 23/04/2015 15:41

Posters are saying "Oh do you charge her for a cup of tea and using the loo instead??"

Of course you wouldn't charge for those things, but it's polite to ask when you're a guest. I wouldn't expect a friend to knock on my door and then just go to the kitchen and make themselves a tea. Nor would I expect them to just stand up and say "I'm going for a pee".

I would always say "OK to use your loo?" (or whatever else.) It's basic manners.

And if I was using someone's wifi specifically to download large files, I would certainly ask beforehand. (And they must have been pretty large to have cost her £250.)

ItsNotTrueThough · 23/04/2015 15:44

140+ posts and we still don't know if the OPs wifi is capped or not.

If it's capped then it's a bit irritating if someone uses it but if it's not capped then I can't see a problem.

I don't get the dilemma though - it's so easy to change the password. Confused

Teapot74 · 23/04/2015 15:47

I don't think YABU. I think she should ask and be open about it. When we moved we had no WIFI and I needed to Xmas shop. I asked my friend if I could go to hers for the sole purpose of using her WIFI to shop and she was fine about it. I would change the password and tell her you're having problems with it.

Leo35 · 23/04/2015 15:49

We have a capped data usage allowance on our account. Big leap to assume that the OP hasn't. I think that I have missed the social niceties viz a viz passwords and continued usage. To use the washing machine analogy from way up in the thread - if you did some washing in a pal's machine once, does it confer long-term washing rights?!

I don't think that are mean-minded OP, and I think that I would feel used too in the same situation. Yes- change the password and see what gives.

Leo35 · 23/04/2015 15:56

X-post with someone who asked if this was an age-related thing! I am, ahem, mid-forties and it wouldn't occur to me to ask for friend's wifi password. I did wonder, on reading the thread, if I am out of step.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2015 15:58

'Why would it matter if she uses your wifi? Whenever friends visit me I always give them our wifi password, even they're only here for a few hours it makes sense to use Internet for free instead of paying!'

So they come to visit and whip out the phones and get online?

It looks like I'm in the minority here and old-fashioned but that is so rude.

A few hours? People cannot go a few hours without WiFi?

Blinkinwinkin · 23/04/2015 15:59

Ha you think that's bad? Wait until your kids are teenagers and their friends come round. Hello-Mrs-Blinkin_what's-the-wifi-code... before they've even started emptying the fridge.

Then four of the bleeders spend the next 2 hours sending each other photos, messages, making videos and sending them to their other friends...

expatinscotland · 23/04/2015 16:02

They'll be out of luck here as we are capped.