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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend using my wifi to update her mobile without my consent?

183 replies

LoveSchoolHolidays · 23/04/2015 08:08

I have put 2 & 2 together and could be wrong, but a few things have happened recently to make me think my friend is using my wifi whenever she visits my house.

Ages ago I gave her my wifi password so she could use my internet on her mobile phone, I can't remember what she wanted to do at that time. In February we changed provider, didn't tell my friend, didn't even think about it. Then she got a massive phone bill and asked me if I'd changed my password, she didn't connect the two but when I told her to dispute the bill as I presumed it was a mistake, she made a load of excuses why not and that is when I put the two together. I believe that she has been updating the software on her phone when she visits me and so was being charged by her provider when she thought she was using my wifi for free. I did give her my new password before I got suspicious but now I watch her when she visits and she is on her phone more than my other friends, which I think is rude anyway.

Yesterday I had to leave in a hurry and as I was practically pushing her out the door, she stopped on my doorstep and started fiddling with her phone, when I told her she needed to hurry up as I was in a massive rush she made an excuse about a text message. Surely a text message could have been dealt with after she had left and I was on my way. That really annoyed me, I think she was downloading something and had to stop it before she left.

I might be paranoid and come across as a weirdo but I feel she is using me, she doesn't have Internet at home and I do let her visit me with her laptop occasionally when she needs to use the Internet which I dont mind, I just want to be asked, I don't know what she is downloading and on a basic level it is theft.

I'm thinking of changing my password and not telling her, is that just petty?

WWYD?

OP posts:
sparechange · 23/04/2015 09:21

Good grief, I've heard it all now. Wifi is theft?
She is supposed to run it past you every time she gets an email before she opens it? That is the most petty thing I have ever seen on here. And there is some really petty shit on here

murphys · 23/04/2015 09:27

Updating software and downloading items uses far more data than just receiving an email though. Nowhere has OP stated that she has unlimited data available. If she is having to pay for her friends usage, then it is very far from petty.

As i said in my pp, not everyone has the luxury of unlimited data usage.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2015 09:29

So no one thinks it's fucking rude to visit a friend and be on your fucking phone 'checking emails' and texting and what not? Stay at home to do that!

AwakeCantSleep · 23/04/2015 09:29

Friend and I are neighbours. Even inside my own house, my iPad often connects to her wifi as it seems to like her wifi signal better than mine! Friend doesn't give a toss obviously.

Grapejuicerocks · 23/04/2015 09:29

So many of you are so spectacularly missing the point. The op doesn't care about the wifi. It's the principle behind it. If the friend talked about it, of course she would say yes if it's not costing her anything. It's the secrecy behind it.

Presumably the friend doesn't know it's not costing the op anything or she would be upfront about it. And if she does know, then she is either doing something she shouldn't, or she knows she is using the op and feels guilty.

Higheredserf · 23/04/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LurcioAgain · 23/04/2015 09:38

It may well not be deliberate in any case. Mobile phones come pre-loaded with vast quantities of "bloatware" which automatically downloads updates whether or not you want it to. (You can quite easily remove it, but doing so typically invalidates your warranty). I've certainly been caught out by that forgetting to switch off mobile data before powering down my phone on international flights. Switch it on at the other end and bam, 10 seconds of updates to snapchat, instagram and a whole load of other shit I never use anyway, and I'm hit with a bill for forty quid (it's a mistake you only make once!)

diddl · 23/04/2015 09:39

"So no one thinks it's fucking rude to visit a friend and be on your fucking phone 'checking emails' and texting and what not? Stay at home to do that!"

Absolutely!

I'm one of those seemingly strange beasts who visit people to have a chat & a catch up.

I also don't have a phone with me "24/7".

FlaviaAlbia · 23/04/2015 09:39

YANBU - it sounds as if she is using you for your WiFi. Change the password and say you're not giving it out anymore and see if she comes less often.

I would worry about what she was downloading. As PP have said, anything illegal will be tied to you since its your connection. If she doesn't want to pay for her own connection, there's plenty of cafes and libraries she can use.

I give out my WiFi password to friends, but then none if them sit on their phones when they come around, I'd find that incredibly rude.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 23/04/2015 09:42

agreeed - friend is VU! its the principle of the thing, she's being underhanded, shes visiting to use your wifi - if you lived near a beach and she visited so she could park at yours and went off the to beach, you'd be rightfully fucked off, just because she stays at your house to use it - its not that different

i would just unplug it each time she comes (and watch out for her plugging it back in) and just say you've got a fault (like over heating) - and see if she still visits after the 3rd or 4th time

it doesnt matter how much it costs, thats not the point.

DazzleU · 23/04/2015 09:45

When we visit family - so few days we usually find a way of checking or letting them know we are using their Wi-Fi - can I - you don't mind or even I'm just doing x. They don't care but we don't hide that we are doing it - it's mentioned in passing.

Why hide it? Is it costing you in download or money or could she think it is ( even if it isn't) so doesn't want you to know or is she downloading dodgy stuff that is being recorded against your IP address - so it's your door they'll come knocking on?

Or does she know it a bit rude to be on phone all the time but wasn't perhaps aware that it was automatically connecting - later figured it and worried it had cost you but doesn't want to say anything or stop having the access?

I'd probably change the password and find away not to give it again or change it frequently if you do and perhaps drop into conversation local free Wi-Fi sites - coffee shops or other places.

If her being on the phone all the time is bothering you - perhaps discourage her from visiting or suggest other places to meet up to try and break the habit?

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/04/2015 09:48

if she had a massive bill then it's a bit more than updating an app.

I'd change the password, pretend I couldn't remember what it was and see if she still seems so quick to visit.

Why doesn't she just get a sim with lots of free mb?.

MammaTJ · 23/04/2015 09:49

Ah, she could just go to a Wetherspoons pub, have a pleasant meal and a drink and use theirs. That's what I would do if I was friends with such a begrudging person as you.

I don't actually think you are that bad, but it is a little bit mean to not want to let her use it.

The being on the phone for most of the visit would bug me though!

yearofthegoat · 23/04/2015 09:50

I am wondering why your friend hasn't got her own wifi at home.

reni1 · 23/04/2015 09:52

Would she come if it wasn't for the Wi-Fi- that would be my issue here. If she is a friend who comes to see you and whilst she is there uses it, fine, if she wants to save money going to Starbucks and paying for the coffee to use Wi-Fi, that is something else.

Bunbaker · 23/04/2015 09:57

"I wouldn't be cross about friends using my wifi while they're here, but I would be cross if I thought they were coming to my house specifically to use my wifi and saving up 'stuff to do while connected to wifi' for when they come to my house. She must be spending so much time on her phone when she's at your house too, which is rude when shes meant to be spending time with you."

This

"So i agree, it is rude to just assume and not ask in advance."

And this

FuckingLiability · 23/04/2015 10:00

I don't mind if family/friends use my wifi when they visit.

I would mind if they were visiting me just to download shit using my wifi while pretending otherwise.

I'd change the p/w and not give her the new one.

JaceLancs · 23/04/2015 10:01

Not everyone can afford home broadband or even a coffee to use one in a public place

I have friends who are out of work and not being able to access the Internet hugely impacts on their lives - even some benefits now can only be claimed online

Many things are cheaper if you sort them out on the Internet

As I have unlimited broadband I am happy for friends to use it and I wouldn't expect them to ask each and every time they visit

I live in a rural area mobile broadband and even phone signal can be hit and miss - so often when I'm visiting a friend I can only get texts and calls via the Internet on I message or face time

As others have said my phone connects automatically when in proximity of their router

All that said I go to visit friends to see them not spend hours on my phone whilst in there

2rebecca · 23/04/2015 10:15

I think it depends on how much of a friend she is and whether you think she's mainly visiting to use wifi.
If she was a good friend and just looking at her phone occasionally I doubt you would worry about this. If she's doing it enough to get a huge bill then I would either turn your router off when she visits (if no-one else using it) or change the password and not tell her but then she will conclude you don't consider her a friend.
Or say "oy have you come here to see me or use my wifi".
We don't have unlimited download content (although have never surpassed our very large limit) so someone staying and downloading loads could cost us more.

Moonraker37 · 23/04/2015 10:22

YANBU I think that is really cheeky of her. It doesn't matter if it's costing you or not. It's sneaky. I would change your password. Tell her Weatherspoons and many cafe's have free wifi, and the library!

bertiebogtrotter · 23/04/2015 10:28

I am surprised at how many think OP is in the wrong! I wouldn't mind at all friends and family using my wifi when they are round, but I don't think anyone has actually asked.

I also wouldn't mind if a friend came round just to use my wifi IF they said that is what they were doing.

'Hi Bertie, my phone software needs updating can I pop round and do it at yours?' - No problem

'Hi Bertie, are you in? Just fancied popping round for a chat (and to secretly get my phone software updated on your wifi because I don't want to pay)' - Cheeky mare.

RedToothBrush · 23/04/2015 10:33

Do you know how much data you can download on a phone even through wifi? Even with a data cap, it is unlikely to even be noticeable.

As someone else pointed out her phone will automatically connect if she has had the password in the past. It may not give her notifications unless she is connected to wifi. In which case her phone will only be doing this in your house.

Besides which if it bothers you so much just change the password.

FlaviaAlbia · 23/04/2015 10:46

Well, that's not quite true RedToothBrush. I download massive amounts of data on my phone - films, music, new roms, software. Plus I sometimes download stuff which I'll later transfer to my laptop.

Smartphones are essentially small computers and you're only limited by the space available on your phone, so if you have a decent amount of storage inbuilt or on a SD card, the capacity for downloads is huge.

Morelikeguidelines · 23/04/2015 11:54

I think she is rude not to just ask. Also rude to spend whole time on phone.

Yanbu on those levels but is not a theft issues, more is she really my friend.

EastMidsMummy · 23/04/2015 12:01

My friend came round once and asked to use my toilet. Now she feels she can go for a wee whenever she needs one, flushing every time. AIBU to barricade the door shut?

(Also, she turns the light on when she's in there, making use of my electricity.)