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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend using my wifi to update her mobile without my consent?

183 replies

LoveSchoolHolidays · 23/04/2015 08:08

I have put 2 & 2 together and could be wrong, but a few things have happened recently to make me think my friend is using my wifi whenever she visits my house.

Ages ago I gave her my wifi password so she could use my internet on her mobile phone, I can't remember what she wanted to do at that time. In February we changed provider, didn't tell my friend, didn't even think about it. Then she got a massive phone bill and asked me if I'd changed my password, she didn't connect the two but when I told her to dispute the bill as I presumed it was a mistake, she made a load of excuses why not and that is when I put the two together. I believe that she has been updating the software on her phone when she visits me and so was being charged by her provider when she thought she was using my wifi for free. I did give her my new password before I got suspicious but now I watch her when she visits and she is on her phone more than my other friends, which I think is rude anyway.

Yesterday I had to leave in a hurry and as I was practically pushing her out the door, she stopped on my doorstep and started fiddling with her phone, when I told her she needed to hurry up as I was in a massive rush she made an excuse about a text message. Surely a text message could have been dealt with after she had left and I was on my way. That really annoyed me, I think she was downloading something and had to stop it before she left.

I might be paranoid and come across as a weirdo but I feel she is using me, she doesn't have Internet at home and I do let her visit me with her laptop occasionally when she needs to use the Internet which I dont mind, I just want to be asked, I don't know what she is downloading and on a basic level it is theft.

I'm thinking of changing my password and not telling her, is that just petty?

WWYD?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 23/04/2015 12:07

Agreed it isn't theft, but how did the friend know that the OP wasn't on a "fair use" policy. OK the chances of the friend racking up so much data usage that it took the OP over their limit is probably slim.

Even so, it is common courtesy to ask if it's OK. Mind you, if the wifi address is already plumbed into the friend's phone and it is set to pick it up if "in range" she may not have remembered to ask each time.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 23/04/2015 12:27

I think it’s the friend that’s being unreasonable because it’s fucking rude to visit someone and spend time on the phone, unless it’s by agreement, eg if the friend genuinely can’t afford WiFi at home and she says to the OP ‘do you mind if I come round and use your wifi to do X, Y and Z’?

But if she has been doing fuck knows what to run up a £250 bill Shock she must have been doing a lot of pissing about with her phone in the OP’s company. If she has a phone, why can’t she use her own data allowance. You can get a reasonable amount for a tenner a month or less on GiffGaff and the like.

We have unlimited internet, but I don’t want to be handing the password to all and sundry because, like others have said, if they do anything dodgy, it is on your account and I simply don’t want rude and ignorant visitors who pay more attention to their phones than me when they are visiting, like when BIL and SIL visited with their two teens and they were both ‘Hello Auntie Ilkley, can I have your WiFI password’ to then pretty much spend the evening glued to their phones.

In fact, it will be interesting the next time they visit because we have a new provider, along with a new router and password and I think that I won’t be able to find the password card when they ask Grin

Hereward1332 · 23/04/2015 12:30

If anyone is interested, assuming OP has a fibre connection and the phone connects at 34 mbps, as mine does, friend could download 15gb of data in an hour. BT charge about £5 per 5gb over a monthly limit. Downloading movies, videos etc could easily eat this up. Unless friend knows for sure that OP's contract is unlimited, it's really cheeky. Water to flush the toilet is not likely to be £15 for an hour's visit, so the comparison is absurd. Giving permission once does not mean it's ok every time. I might borrow a friend's lawnmower, but they wouldn't be too happy if I assumed I could use it whenever I wanted.

LurkingHusband · 23/04/2015 12:30

As an aside, it's probably a very good idea to set your mobile device to not connect to hotspots without your express consent - or you could get nobbled

www.theregister.co.uk/2015/04/22/apple_no_ios_zone_bug/

Or that's what you tell your friend Wink

crymeariverwoo · 23/04/2015 12:37

lol this is the funniest thing I have heard!! it is 2015 and it is common knowledge that people use each others wifi (ask for the password then automatically connects when you go to their house). Mobile data costs a fortune!

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 23/04/2015 12:46

i think the people who think the OP is out of order ("its only a bit of wifi, whats the problem?") are kind of missing the bigger point, is this person only coming round to use the wifi? or are they visiting friend and just using a bit (automatic updates etc)

This person has come round and seems to be using lots of data (if it cost her £250 to do on mobile!) and it lookes like shes using the OP for WiFi? thats the question (in my view)

cut her off by changing the pwd and see how many times she visits after

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 23/04/2015 12:50

"but I feel she is using me, she doesn't have Internet at home and I do let her visit me with her laptop occasionally when she needs to use the Internet which I dont mind, I just want to be asked"

this is the important bit i think

RedSoloCup · 23/04/2015 13:00

Quite a few friends have my wifi password as 3g just never really works round here (rural) so I don't think that's an issue BUT I would feel used if she was only coming to see me to update her phone!!

Does she not have free inclusive data I never use all mine, or wifi at her home? You can use free wifi in most cafes / restaurants and even McDonalds too!!!

WizardofSnoz · 23/04/2015 13:06

I think the friend is being rude at least. You should ask if it's okay to do it before doing it. And trying to delay her so she can download is just rude.

MagicMojito · 23/04/2015 13:08

Nowt queer as folk Confused
Yabu

ParkingFred · 23/04/2015 13:11

That is funny. I hope you draw your curtains when she visits, in case she nicks some of your daylight.

KitbitAgain · 23/04/2015 13:11

It's not about 'stealing the wifi' it's about feeling taken for granted in an underhand way. For that YANBU

FishCanFly · 23/04/2015 13:13

Really? What a nice friend you are

bonbonbonbon · 23/04/2015 13:16

I don't get this. Among my friends it is the done thing to tell visitors your wifi password. Your phone remembers it, so whenever we're at each other's homes our phones automatically log onto the wifi there. It doesn't cost us anything extra. I would never expect my friends to ask permission each visit, in fact if the password changed the owner of the wifi would let everyone know.

sykadelic · 23/04/2015 13:18

YANBU. The underhand nature of it would bug me the most. That and if she got such a large bill I'd wonder what she's down loading and that will flag on YOUR account.

Change the password and change it often.

GraysAnalogy · 23/04/2015 13:20

Fucking hell hahahaha

All my friends have my wifi passwords and I have there's. I've actually never thought anything if it. It doesn't cost me anything.

Theft Hmm

sourdrawers · 23/04/2015 13:22

I don't think you're being petty at all OP. You sound like you've been reasonable and generous with your friend. Often the more you give the more people come to expect it from you. Human nature and all that!

It's a bit like sharing a flat between 3 and one person having their partner stay for a set number of nights per week. It's only fair they should pay a bit extra, otherwise the partner is being subsidised by the other 2. If she's updating as a matter of habit over your wifi she should at least, offer you a few quid for the use. As WhoNicked suggests, change your password, if she mentions it, tell her you feel she's taking liberties a bit.

GraysAnalogy · 23/04/2015 13:23

And what internet have you got if you think this is costing you so much money? The cheapest one on the market which is talk talk I believe doesn't do that

Hissy · 23/04/2015 13:25

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Thu 23-Apr-15 12:50:01
"but I feel she is using me, she doesn't have Internet at home and I do let her visit me with her laptop occasionally when she needs to use the Internet which I dont mind, I just want to be asked"

this is the important bit i think

I agree!

Hissy · 23/04/2015 13:34

Internet at home USUALLY involves line rental of, what?, £17 a month?

most companies charge more for internet use on top - only Virgin who doesn't I believe.

so your friend USES the internet, but doesn't want to PAY for it?

You have it, so she uses yours.... saving herself a couple of hundred quid a year.

Its rude and presumptuous of her to come to yours and use your WIFI when she has no ability to offer anything in return.

I live in a rural location wifi helps with connection/battery life if signal is weak.

I let my babysitter use mine, I have my friends password, anyone in my home can have the password to my wifi if they want to connect. no issue whatsoever.

BUT, if i thought that someone was coming with a reason, wanting to update their phone/itunes whatever, rather than to see me, I'd be miffed.

change the password. Don't tell her. Let her figure it out and don't give her the new password. she has a flaming nerve.

AdoraBell · 23/04/2015 13:44

As above, I would be annoyed if her visits where purely to use the wifi.

Other than that I'd say unless it causes you issues like extra cost etc then I would say it's petty to be annoyed at casual usage because by giving her the password you've effectively told her to help herself.

2rebecca · 23/04/2015 13:48

Some people would be unhappy with nieces and nephews using their wifi! My nephews are too young to be given any choice on whether they visit me or not so if they come and their parents are happy for them to go on the internet then if it keeps them entertained everyone is happy and the adults can chat and drink.

Hissy · 23/04/2015 13:53

My mother's husband would insist on logging us in to the computer and never ever allowed us to have the password. Even when I was living there for a while...

he however is an arse of monumental proportions.

leedy · 23/04/2015 13:59

"Do you know how much data you can download on a phone even through wifi? Even with a data cap, it is unlikely to even be noticeable.

As someone else pointed out her phone will automatically connect if she has had the password in the past. It may not give her notifications unless she is connected to wifi. In which case her phone will only be doing this in your house."

Yes, she could well be "using your Wifi" without consciously doing anything at all/"rudely fiddling with her phone" - her phone is almost certainly remembering your Wifi password THAT YOU GAVE HER and connecting automatically, and a lot of software by default will get available updates or back up photos or refresh podcasts or whatever once the device is connected to a wireless network.

YABU unless it's actually costing you more money than if she wasn't using it. If it's just the principle of the thing (ie "I have paid for internet in my house and she hasn't") then, yeah, YABU. See above re charging for the use of heat, air, toilet, etc. YABslightlylessU if you think she is only visiting you to use your internet and isn't actually interested in seeing you.

westcountrywoman · 23/04/2015 14:03

Unless there is a cost implication to you (e.g going over a data limit) or you're concerned that she's downloading something illegal that could get you in trouble, I'd say you're being unreasonable.

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