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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend using my wifi to update her mobile without my consent?

183 replies

LoveSchoolHolidays · 23/04/2015 08:08

I have put 2 & 2 together and could be wrong, but a few things have happened recently to make me think my friend is using my wifi whenever she visits my house.

Ages ago I gave her my wifi password so she could use my internet on her mobile phone, I can't remember what she wanted to do at that time. In February we changed provider, didn't tell my friend, didn't even think about it. Then she got a massive phone bill and asked me if I'd changed my password, she didn't connect the two but when I told her to dispute the bill as I presumed it was a mistake, she made a load of excuses why not and that is when I put the two together. I believe that she has been updating the software on her phone when she visits me and so was being charged by her provider when she thought she was using my wifi for free. I did give her my new password before I got suspicious but now I watch her when she visits and she is on her phone more than my other friends, which I think is rude anyway.

Yesterday I had to leave in a hurry and as I was practically pushing her out the door, she stopped on my doorstep and started fiddling with her phone, when I told her she needed to hurry up as I was in a massive rush she made an excuse about a text message. Surely a text message could have been dealt with after she had left and I was on my way. That really annoyed me, I think she was downloading something and had to stop it before she left.

I might be paranoid and come across as a weirdo but I feel she is using me, she doesn't have Internet at home and I do let her visit me with her laptop occasionally when she needs to use the Internet which I dont mind, I just want to be asked, I don't know what she is downloading and on a basic level it is theft.

I'm thinking of changing my password and not telling her, is that just petty?

WWYD?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 23/04/2015 08:31

Well I hope none of my friends or family think like you OP because once I've gt the code my phone will connect automatically when I'm in range and I merrily use their wifi without a second thought!

crje · 23/04/2015 08:31

She probably set her phone to automatically update in wifi areas.

Thank it's rude for her to use her phone in company but using the wifi is fine imo

shewept · 23/04/2015 08:31

Her presumption that she can use it, is based on the fact that you gave her the password.....twice. Without saying anything like 'this is the password, but don't use it too much as it will send us over our download limit and cost us money' or 'you can use it now, but prefer if you don't use it all the time because if our download limit.'

lottiesatitagain · 23/04/2015 08:32

Wow. Just wow. I have heard it all now. You should turn off your heating when she arrives if you can't charge her for it.

Emo76 · 23/04/2015 08:32

OP are you on an unlimited package?

Elliptic5 · 23/04/2015 08:32

Well I agree with Ptolemys , but that doesn't seem to be the consensus on here.
Also can't believe the cheek of the friend with the washing!

fannyfanakapan · 23/04/2015 08:33

If you don't have unlimited broadband, then YANBU. But if you do, its a bit snippy.

However, I would have an issue with someone coming to my house just to use my wifi - I would hope they had come to see me. They can go to any one of a hundred coffee shops to use free wifi.

So... I would switch off the router or change the password and just give an excuse that a) you've been having issues with your ISP, and that the broadband is up and down all the time or b) that you had to change the password after someone ("Probably the neighbour's teen") hacked your account and you ended up with a huge bill.

Also, consider if one of your friends used your WIFI to download some seriously dodgy stuff....it'll be your IP address that's flagged.

Overtiredbackagain · 23/04/2015 08:33

I've been sat on a train where a total stranger has asked for my mobile wifi password because she couldn't access Facebook - now THATS cheeky! But I wouldn't have a problem letting friend in my house use my wifi. Admittedly when I'm visiting friends, I always ask first but purely out of courtesy.

Overtiredbackagain · 23/04/2015 08:33

I've been sat on a train where a total stranger has asked for my mobile wifi password because she couldn't access Facebook - now THATS cheeky! But I wouldn't have a problem letting friend in my house use my wifi. Admittedly when I'm visiting friends, I always ask first but purely out of courtesy.

GunShotResidue · 23/04/2015 08:35

I don't think your being unreasonable. It sounds like she's purposely hiding it from you by lying about sending a text, so she must think it's a bit dodgy.

Most of my friends and family have our wifi password but I would feel used if I thought someone only spent time with me to use the Internet.

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 23/04/2015 08:38

Actually I think you're all missing a more important point here including OP

What is she using it for - what is she downloading ? Updates are one thing even if you aren't capped, but is your wifi being used for illegal downloading? Either of copyright stuff or even criminal activity ? If so, it's your wifi/ip that will be recorded against it.

OP - change your password regularly and when she asks, you can either agree, or you can make an excuse that your OH changed it as someone was running up data charges - blame kids downloading if you don't want to say outright it was her - and it's programmed into your devices but you aren't sure what it is...

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 23/04/2015 08:43

Cross posted with fanny... Seriously have a think about changing your password ...

TheAuthoress · 23/04/2015 08:43

I wouldn't be cross about friends using my wifi while they're here, but I would be cross if I thought they were coming to my house specifically to use my wifi and saving up 'stuff to do while connected to wifi' for when they come to my house. She must be spending so much time on her phone when she's at your house too, which is rude when shes meant to be spending time with you.

expatinscotland · 23/04/2015 08:45

YABU if you have no data cap. But YANBU about her being on the phone while visiting. Change your password.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 23/04/2015 08:49

You've got unlimited broadband so it makes no difference to you whatsoever.

ImNameyChangey · 23/04/2015 08:50

My neighbour hasn't got broadband and she's always here with her phone. She is a single parent on a low income...it has never occurred to me that I shouldn't let her!

When we're out she's told me that she's stood on our doormat trying to connect!

The internet is an important tool in this day and age...without people sharing a bit, some folk can't check emails or buy online or do banking! It's beyond mean not to share.

namechangeafternamechange · 23/04/2015 08:54

Umm....uuuhh....hmmm....nope, still can't see how it's theft. You gave her your password therefore giving permission for use of the wifi.

What I will say OP is that you haven't bothered to answer the question that has been asked soooooo many times....'Have you got a usage cap??' If you answer this, and the answer is 'yes' then people may be a little less inclined to think you're a cheapskate.

Also, have you actually asked her if she is using your wifi? You know, like actually opened your mouth and words came out 'Does your phone still connect to my wifi?' I notice in your OP you say 'I have put 2 & 2 together and could be wrong' which suggests you haven't. Maybe you should? Just an idea.

namechangeafternamechange · 23/04/2015 08:55

Wow, that reads back unbelievably tetchy Shock sorry about that!

LurkingHusband · 23/04/2015 08:58

Personally I wouldn't worry too much about bandwidth in this situation.

What I would worry about is what exactly is being downloaded. Because if there is no separate access point for guests, all their internet traffic will be logged as belonging to the OP. At least as far as the police are concerned.

I have a BT business broadband setup (paid for by work) and my router provides a "BT Openzone" hotspot for guests to use (they have to register with BT, so as to be able to access the network). That bypasses my account (also has capped bandwidth, so I don't suffer if someone is using it).

I have also set my router up to only allow connections from known devices.

FenellaFellorick · 23/04/2015 08:59

It would bother me.
I think it's rude to visit someone and spend it faffing with your phone.
I think it's not on to hide what you're doing instead of just saying can I use the WiFi for a bit.
It wouldn't be cost that bothered me. It would be the fact that my house is not an internet cafe.

diddl · 23/04/2015 09:00

."without people sharing a bit, some folk can't check emails or buy online or do banking! It's beyond mean not to share."

Yes they can, at home!!

Would people really do all that whilst visiting someone??

hoobypickypicky · 23/04/2015 09:01

The use of wifi wouldn't trouble me. The deceitfulness would (i.e. she got large bills, asked if you'd changed your password but didn't say why she was asking but made excuses for not contacting her supplier about "their" error) and it's for that reason I'd change the password again.

RobotLover68 · 23/04/2015 09:07

If I'm not at home my dad parks on my drive and uses my internet - I don't care

sorry OP YABU about the internet usage but I would be irritated by the deceitfulness as hooby said

murphys · 23/04/2015 09:08

OP, I am with you here. But my situation is different that I don't have unlimited internet usage. We are capped at a certain amount and my internet uses 3g as we do not have a telephone line with ADSL.

If someone comes to my house and needs to use the internet, I will give them the password. But if they came again and just presumed it was ok to use it without asking me first, I would be pretty livid. I have in the past come to my office on a Monday morning (I work from home) to find that ds had a friend over the weekend who merrily started downloading stuff, and when I try to use it Monday morning, my bundle is depleted.

For those of you who say the internet costs you nothing and is free, should count yourselves lucky. Internet for me cost some people a lot each month. Just because yours is "free and unlimited" doesn't mean everyones is.

So i agree, it is rude to just assume and not ask in advance.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 23/04/2015 09:11

Are you my mother OP? She considered anyone using the wifi as theft even if they lived there! I was allowed to check my emails once a week! Everyone that comes to mine logs onto my wifi, I wouldn't even dream of objecting to this! As I actually like my friends it wouldn't even enter my mind to suspect they were coming to my house just to use my wifi either. What a weird suspicious way to live your life!

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