Who is BU over photos of kids?

[slithytove]

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

Thing is, there is rarely a big event. It's just been her at my house seeing my children. So thinking about it, she doesn't need her special film camera.

And the more I dwell on it, the more I am so angry at the photos of DS when he was a coupe of weeks old. She gave one to my dad of him and DS and that was the first I knew they existed. When I asked about them it turns out I'm in some as well. And I'm angry because when she was taking photos in those first few days, I wasnt in any fit state to ask about them. And it wasn't her important event, it was mine. My baby coming home for the first time after his big sister dying (first pregnancy, still birth) and a traumatic labour and birth.

And now it's about her photos and her memories and her control as to when to give them out. I'll probably never know exactly what was taken.

OP, I really feel for you. Your sister is horrible for keeping those photos from you. She really really is. And there is NO excuse for her behaviour. You need to go to your mother and the two of you demand the photos from her. She has no right to hold those photos of you hostage. She really is a bloody weirdo that she thinks it's her right to keep photos of your newborn baby for her own private viewing first. I would be fuming.

Wow... 'don't want to share' - pictures of someone else's children?

Very strange, my weird family seem quite normal in comparison. Yep, agree no more photos of your kids, why should you share them with her?

Typo - dunno why I added in "first" there, oops!

Have some unMN (((hugs)))) OP, I'm so sorry about your DD

Can you try and draft an email to your sister explaining all that, maybe it'll pierce her 'me me me' head space

I mentioned the ones of DS. She said it was a special event and the photos were special because of that, and made more special that they aren't readily accessible and available constantly. And that when they are given they will be a precious gift, like the one for my dad was.

Which is true, but she can still give precious gifts even if the receipent (only me in this case) has those same photos on a computer.

Either way, she isn't going to give them up, and is very angry/upset with me for asking.

She wanted to meet my dd before she went for postmortem and I said no. And I'm so glad, because with hindsight, she would have tried to hog that to herself as well. I shared my photos of Dd with very few people, sister being one of them. There is no more precious photo in the world yet she got to see them, but she won't share photos of my own children with me. I even gave her scan pics at her request ffs with all 3 babies, which can't be replicated!

I'm a mug.

Your sister genuinely sounds unhinged! To any posters saying that OP is being even a bit unreasonable - WTAF? Who the hell refuses to let a parent even SEE photos of their kids? OP isn't asking for every single one, just that the decent ones be shared.

Op you are NOT a mug, you are a kind reasonable person who treats people with respect. It's just a shame your sister dosent show you the same attitude. YaNbu in anyway.

x

definitely try to find her alter ego. Is she in contact with someone weirdo on line and is passing your children off as her own.

I wouldn't even know where to start. Image search I guess? Does anyone know how to do that on an iPad?

I wouldn't have thought this was the case, she was very against any of her speshul magical print photos being digitised in any way.

But can't see another reason for her preciousness over my children. And if it is jealousy, what a horrible thing to be jealous over. She says she doesn't even want a family yet and it's not like she has tried and failed. Plus, she doesnt make much effort to see us.

DH asked if she really does just come over to take pictures, rather than making special memories and forming a relationship with the kids. Photos are all well and good but not if there is no substance there.

Not read the whole thread but I wouldn't let someone take photos of my kids if I wasn't allowed a copy - end of. Your sister sounds like an arse. YADNBU

What was the relationship with her like before? When you were children? When you had kids?

There must be some clue as to when and why she got weird

She has always been very different to me from a political and social standpoint, and I haven't lived with her since she was 15. But always got on well enough and made an effort to see each other.

Certain aspects to her I have always found weird (resenting our parents for giving her a decent upbringing for instance) but steered clear of.

This is a new one on me.

The quotes I put were direct messages spelling mistakes and all, no paraphrasing, so you can see the complete confusion I have to deal with.

I suspect I won't be seeing her for a while since I "hate her" and when we do, she wouldn't bring a camera if only to make a passive aggressive point.

I'd break her camera.

When this thread started, I thought your sister was barking and you most definitely WNBU. Now reading the most recent updates, I am not so sure and sort of get where your sister is coming from....

YASNBU, I find her possessiveness over photos of your children very odd, and actually quite alarming.

Given the extremely personal and precious photo you have shared with her ( ), I actually think she is being very cruel.

Do you have children aridane?

She has come back and said "if I share any and all photos I take with you, can I still take photos of the kids"
I feel bad now. should I just say yes?

Ask her for photos first. I would not allow her to rake any more of you or the kids .

If you want those photos (and i think we all want you to) then say yes!

Bloody hell, OP, your sister is barmy. I'd not only refuse to let her take another picture but would drastically limit contact.

Ariadne, wtaf??

I'd reply "Let's just see how things go."

It's maybe not a good idea to let her think she can use your DC as bargaining chips.

get the photos first!

and only say yes to more if they are any good. otherwise tell her you need to protect the souls of your children from her demon works

It's all very well saying yes to her latest request but until you get to the bottom of her truly bizarre behaviour, you're risking similar problems in future.

I would ask for access to all the previous photos that you want and spell out to her how you would like it to work in future. Make it clear that you find her stance unreasonable and strange and get to agree to your wishes (maybe backed up in email so you have evidence).

But be prepared for her to refuse again. Once she's taken more pics, there's not a lot you can do is there?