Co-sleeping. Why?

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Just to stress first off that this is not a thread to start a bun fight between people who do and don't co-sleep. It's not intended as a spiteful judgement of people who DO co-sleep.

It's just to try and understand why some people do it, as it's something that I literally cannot fathom.

I can understand co-sleeping for the first six months, as is recommended to prevent SID. I can understand people going a bit longer than that just to be on the safe side.

But why do some people co-sleep for YEARS on end? Is it when the child is a really bad sleeper generally? Or when there are underlying medical conditions?

Co-sleeping for long periods of time has always struck me as something which would completely override the relationship between the two parents. Which is why I'd be interested to know people's actual reasons for doing it (I'm not saying I'm right, it's just how I've always seen it).

I have tried looking at websites, but they have been so....unbearable. Almost like satire websites. I was hoping some people here might be able to explain it in less "hemp and kale" sort of terms.

Isn't co-sleeping defined as in the same room, as opposed to bed-sharing which is a specific thing?

NCT says co-sleeping is bed-sharing DisappointedOne but other sites say bed-sharing and room-sharing are both co-sleeping.
Whenever I've read any SIDS advice co-sleeping had been interpreted as sharing a bed as in they recommend room sharing but not co-sleeping.

I thought i'd seen the separate definitions somewhere.

(Unfortunately, tragic accidents where babies are suffocated - i.e. there's a definite cause of death - are wrongly assumed to be SIDS)

I only co-sleep with my baby when she naps.. I think it's brillant. It takes the stress away from both of us..

juniorcakeoff
Fascicle I have had a number of children. 2 snored loudly as babies.

I assumed you were painting a general picture of babies as awkward co-sleepers, rather than describing your own noisy, arm flinging cherubs. I presume a persistently snoring baby is unusual - the NHS suggests a snoring child merits a visit to the GP, in case there is an underlying condition.

It's absolutely not for me. I have terrible sleep issues and the thought of sharing my bed with a baby or toddler brings me out in a cold sweat. I don't think it'd be safe for the baby to share with me (due to said sleep issues) and I'd lose what little sanity remains. Kiddo will be in its own room as soon as humanly possible.

That said, that's just my own thoughts. It seems to work for a good number of people - I think it's one of those things that some people love to do and get a lot of benefit from and others recoil in horror. A bit like marmite really :)

At the end of the day it's another breast/ bottle, sling/pushchair issue. You do what works for you and everyone else's opinion is just that - their opinion.

Pretty sure all mammals sleep with their young. Apart from western humans in recent times.

The one with AS you mean? hmm Well all AS kids are different, but I can well imagine the world is a scary place for some of them. I think she's lucky to have a mum who's prepared to give her the comfort she needs according to her needs rather than according to her age or whatever the societal norm is.

Thank you

I would have loved to have been an extended cosleeper. I loved having ds as a baby in our bed, hearing his breathing, being able to see him when I woke at night. I just liked him being close. But he woke continually and when we tried moving him to his own room he slept so much better and was in a much better mood as were we. Since then when he has had bad nights and we have tried bringing him into our bed he protests wildly. I am hoping as he gets older he may sometimes want to sneak into bed with us.

Since this is a co sleeping thread I thought I'd repost a link - I've just read an awful article talking about a safety problem with the very popular co-sleeping cot Bednest. Unfortunately a baby has died :( Not a problem with co-sleeping itself but a popular item sold to facilitate it. Here's the link if you have one or know anybody who has one. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/2362709-If-you-have-a-bednest-please-read-this-concerning-unsafe-usage?

It's the way the item was used, not the item itself that was the problem. Terribly sad.

Yes, sorry, I didn't make that clear.

Benefits and issues of co sleeping aside, it's bollocks that cots were invented by the Victorians. There are European medieval and pre medieval examples of cots and cribs - usually it was the upper classes who had their babies in a separate space, because they had the space to do this.

I'd love to co sleep with my DS if it gave us more sleep, but he's not having any of it.

I wondered about co sleeping when we had ds1 and he slept through from 6 weeks. I have never ever had a sleepless night with him. Then... ds2 was born. He's 16mo now and unless we put him down already asleep it could be a battle for up to 2 hours of screaming. He then manages until about midnight (sometimes) longer until the screaming begins again. I am afraid after months of trying to get him to go back to sleep we caved and put him in with us. We then ALL sleep. I can't see us bed sharing when he starts high school... (I hope anyway!)

When I was pregnant, I was certain that I wouldn't cosleep. Very nice and all that, but not for me. I bought a chicco next2me crib instead.

That crib is now my drink/muslin/TV remote holder. DD is 7 months and has spent a couple of hours in it, maximum. I was so exhausted after my 3 day labour that I was horrified to find myself falling asleep whilst sitting up and BF'ing her. So rather than cosleep unintentionally, I decided to set the bed up safely. No duvet, no pillow. DD feeding in the crook of my arms whilst I dozed.

To my surprise, I loved it. Now 7 months, we have co slept every night, all night. I go to bed when she does and we cuddle all night long. It has meant that even on the really restless nights I still have enough sleep to prevent me from being exhausted. And I love waking up to her happy little face. I will co sleep all future children, of that I am sure.

All my dc ended up in our bed til past 3yrs old, when they slowly went to their own beds. They had their own cots/beds but preferred ours and I like sleep, so as long as we all were sleeping, it's fine. Better than getting up in the night!

My 15 yr old doesn't still want to be in my bed lol, so I'm fairly confident my 3 yr old won't still be at that age either. At one point we had 3 small children curling up with us in bed- we slept, they slept.

My 3 yr old has never slept through. Our house is laid out in such a way that if he woke up when sleeping upstairs, he'd have to come downstairs and through the house to find our room- so he still sleeps in with us- he has his own bed, but comes in with us every night. He used to sleep with us all night and get milk all night I suspect , now he just creeps into our bed in the early hours of the morning.

He actually isn't that cuddly to sleep next to- he used to lie against me, then turn away to sleep. He still doesn't sleep facing me, he turns away. Not cuddly unless on his terms.

People that share with more than one little one, how do you all for? My boy takes up a surprisingly amount of space for one so small when he is in star fish mode. Do you just boot out your significant other? Planning ahead for number two...

For = fit...

My 2 boys are very big and wriggly. Both dh and I are pretty big too (dh over 6ft 1 and I'm 5ft 10) so we decided to invest in a super king size bed. It's worth every penny. I still wake up with everyone on my aside tho :) . We converted the tiny box room to a dressing room so have no wardrobes in the bedroom, just a great big bed I'm kind of wishing we went for the emporer size now tho

The only time dh or I leave the bed is if one of the DC is awake/Ill and then one of us will take them into the spare room, which has a kingsize bed.

Big beds are the way to go.

lepititpoint- we had four of us, including OH in bed for several years.
We used a super King Size matress on the floor, futon style. Space wasn,t an issue. OH and I are slim, kids are small, we all slept very well.

I woke up this morning to my happy three year old kissing me. To be honest we only co slept because we were exhausted as dd2 always woke in the night and took about an hour to go back to sleep. Never did it with dd1. Not sure how it's going to work out with dd3 due soon. Another accidental co- sleeper !

I co-slept with DS1 from 0-6m. Then he went into his cot, but I would still sometimes have him back in with me - until he was 18mo and we shipped all our stuff to Australia, and he came back in with me.
DH and I have VERY different sleep patterns (about 3h shifted apart - he likes to go to bed at 9 and wake at 5 or 6, I like to go to bed at 12 and get up at 8) and DH also apparently "needed his sleep" because "he worked" (as if I didn't need mine, or I didn't work, but hey) so it worked for us that DH stayed in the spare bed and DS1 was in with me.
When we got to Australia, the situation was such that I couldn't get Ds1 to sleep in the cot any longer, so he stayed in with me. When we moved into our house, there were 2 bedrooms, but DS1 wasn't having a bar of sleeping on his own (still only 21mo) as he was so disrupted - so I slept in with him, but we bought a super kingsize bed for the master bedroom, on the principle that if we all needed to sleep together, we could.

However, we still had the differing sleep patterns - and DS1 followed mine, not DH's.

Then I got pg with DS2 - got SPD and acid reflux and had to kick DS1 out, he he went in with DH for a while (no problem in the superkingsize bed! ) and then we built him a new bedroom. As he was 5 when he moved into it, he was quite happy to sleep in there; plus it gave him some space of his own once DS2 had arrived.

DS2 - still in with me at 2.6yo. Not quite sure what's next but DH and I still have disparate sleep patterns, and he likes a soft pillow-top mattress, which I can't sleep on because I have a bad back; ideally we need another bedroom for DS2! And then I can keep the one I have now, DH can keep the master bedroom and both boys will have their own. Spoilt, yes - but with 5y difference, and DS1's bedroom is quite small, I don't want them in together. If all else fails, we'll get 2 single mattresses for the super kingsize bed, one for DH and one for me (to get around the softness problems) - and DS2 will have the bedroom we're in together now - but that still won't alleviate the time difference problem. :(

I don't have any problem co-sleeping, except when DS2 clings on to me like a limpet; but that's fairly rare, he likes his own space as well.

So this is a long rambling post but hope it explains why we do it. I've never had any problems with DS1 getting up in the middle of the night regularly - he does it very occasionally if he has a bad dream, but he goes into DH, not me, so it doesn't bother me

Before DD was born I vowed I wouldn't co sleep as I thought it would damage my relationship with DH. But DD refused to sleep anywhere else so she is still here 2 years on and I love it. She went through a phase of sleeping for the first part of the night in her toddler bed in the corner of our bedroom and I missed her so much until she woke up later in the night and came into our bed.
It's getting to be a tight squeeze in our double bed though so planning to size up soon.

There is such a thinly veiled strain of.....I was going to say misogyny, but that's not the right word in the context- I'm not sure what to call it....going through this thread. Something about women needing to be sexually available and if they aren't, it's their fault if men "stray". And also an equally thinly veiled assumption that men are not going to enjoy co sleeping because only women want the cuddles and closeness- men just want sleep and sex.

I co sleep with dd aged 3, or rather she sleeps in my bed. I don't go to sleep at her bedtime though, I put her to bed then go to bed later. Why? It's because she wants to and I'm happy to. She has her own bed but prefers mine, I remember this feeling as a child too, it's nice to have the security of mum next to you.

I co slept from birth though, for the first two years I bf. I didn't have a plan for it, but I hated not being able to see my baby when she was in the moses basket and found it dangerous bfing sitting up and trying not to fall asleep.

I don't care what anyone else does, but co sleeping works for us and I'm happy to continue until dd wants to sleep in her room.